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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was at a dance. I was griding with this guy when I felt something move in his pants. I stood up and stepped away. He replied with "Don't flatter yourself, it was my phone". FML

#254929
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19962) - you deserved it (50034)

On 03/09/2009 at 8:26pm - misc - by Joe (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was babysitting my co-workers son. He was eating jell-o and spilt it on his top, so I pulled off his pj's, and went in his room to grab a new pair. I heard a thunk and ran to find him out cold on the floor. His parents walked in on me trying to wake up their naked 3 year old. FML

#254366
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42634) - you deserved it (5182)

On 03/09/2009 at 7:36pm - misc - by Noname (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mother told me she needed a urine sample to send in to the doctors to test for any allergies. I did what she had asked and went to my room. I came down stairs later and found her in the bathroom putting my pee on a pregnancy test stick. FML

#253900
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79206) - you deserved it (7743)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:54pm - misc - by missy (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was talking to my mom about who I wanted to ask to prom. I told her the names of the girls I was thinking of asking and she replied, "They'll say no, but you can always go with one of your cousins." FML

#252783
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58085) - you deserved it (2814)

On 03/09/2009 at 5:02pm - misc - by Tony (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my best friend resolved things with her boyfriend after he had admitted to cheating on her. I felt really guilty because I drunkenly hooked up with her boyfriend last month. She said, "I felt better when he told me that the girl was extremely ugly and bad in bed." FML

#252691
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13994) - you deserved it (99727)

On 03/09/2009 at 4:52pm - misc - by collegegirl90 - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom called and told me I got accepted to my first-choice college. I got really excited and asked her to read me the letter. As she started to read it, she said, "Oops... uh, nevermind." FML

#252648
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70177) - you deserved it (2613)

On 03/09/2009 at 4:48pm - misc - by stillwaiting (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was rubbing my dog's belly. He seemed to be enjoying it, his penis "came out". My boyfriend was walking by and said "at least you turn someone on." FML

#251133
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74702) - you deserved it (7903)

On 03/09/2009 at 1:04pm - misc - by Noname - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I decided to lighten my hair. I applied the dye and waited 20 minutes. When I went to wash the dye out, the water wouldn't turn on. After my head started to burn, I called the landlord in a panic. Turns out there was a water main break and the entire city block doesn't have water. FML

#250942
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74523) - you deserved it (5289)

On 03/09/2009 at 12:23pm - misc - by NowABlonde (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I decided to do a load of laundry. Two minutes into the cycle, I realized that I left my iPod in my sweatpants pocket. The washing machine door locks automatically and cannot be opened until the 40-minute cycle is up. FML

Today, I got back to my apartment from being away for the past week on Spring break. I found the locks on my apartment changed and all my things on the curb, many of them broken or stolen. I ran to the leasing office to see what had happened. Turns out it was an accounting error on their part. FML

#250263
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (88058) - you deserved it (2952)

On 03/09/2009 at 8:12am - misc - by Homeless (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was with my family at a buffet getting dessert. As I had my chocolate cake in hand, I grabbed an extra slice of cheesecake for my mom because I knew she would like a slice. Upon returning to my table, a couple walking behind me commented, "See, that's why Americans are so obese." FML

#249952
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46418) - you deserved it (8309)

On 03/09/2009 at 4:25am - misc - by McChunky =( - United States (California)

Today, I was walking from my office to the place i had parked my car, a distance of approximately three blocks. As I was about to round the last corner I was forced to dive out of the way of a speeding car. As I looked up, I noticed that it was my car. FML

#249520
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (90991) - you deserved it (3847)

On 03/09/2009 at 2:35am - misc - by Chops (man) - United States (California)

Today, I tried to surprise my parents by coming home from college for Spring Break. I arrived to find a dark house, with all the doors bolted shut. After calling them, I found out that they have gone on a vacation to Hawaii for a week. I am now locked out of my own house, with no where to stay. FML

#249220
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44795) - you deserved it (11634)

On 03/09/2009 at 1:50am - misc - by Abandoned (man) - United States (California)



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