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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I hit a parked car. I was walking. To make the scene more embarrassing, the car alarm shocked me and I backed up quickly into the parking meter, knocking me down once more. FML

#193845
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39052) - you deserved it (11642)

On 03/03/2009 at 4:22am - misc - by tracelee - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend asked me what I enjoyed most about the weekend we'd spent together. I mention in detail a certain move he had pulled when we made love. When asked what he enjoyed most, he replies "putting my fish tank together". FML

#192617
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42736) - you deserved it (5341)

On 03/03/2009 at 12:55am - misc - by lucy (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my mother was re-enrolling me in school so she was required to fill out some paper work. Later, she asks me, "What does Caucasian mean?". I ask, "Why?". Apparently she didn't recognize the word so she checked "other" and wrote in "white". FML

#192383
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46024) - you deserved it (4883)

On 03/03/2009 at 12:37am - misc - by buryuntime (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got a call from my friend who invited me to a theme party. It was a goth theme, and I decided to get real into it. I put on a trench coat, black skin tight pants, and black paint under the eyes. When I got there I was greeted by a kid in a pink popped collar. It wasn't a theme party. FML

#190335
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42989) - you deserved it (6858)

On 03/02/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by nerd (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was in the bank with my seven year old daughter, when I saw an old high school friend of mine with his wife. I said hello, and he commented on how beautiful my little girl was. I thanked him, and as I turned away, I heard his wife say "I guess the father must be the good looking one." FML

#187755
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52173) - you deserved it (2271)

On 03/02/2009 at 7:36pm - misc - by lexibabe (woman) - United States

Today, I was driving at night and saw a small animal run across the road. I slammed on my brakes and got rear-ended. The animal turned out to be a plastic grocery bag. FML

#187356
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46230) - you deserved it (14216)

On 03/02/2009 at 7:09pm - misc - by himtopia19 (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went to get my underarms waxed. I'm usually not self-conscious because I figure they see worse stuff all the time. When I raised my arm for her to wax my armpit she looked at me, laughed and said "Well I guess that's how I know it's winter in Wisconsin!" FML

#186916
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37033) - you deserved it (8581)

On 03/02/2009 at 6:38pm - misc - by Kelly (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I noticed some of my things in my slob of a roommate's piles of clothes. I found six pairs of my underwear that had gone missing. Turns out she hasn't done laundry recently so my underwear drawer was her own personal Victoria's Secret. I hadn't even worn a pair yet. All six were stained. FML

#185358
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84576) - you deserved it (3775)

On 03/02/2009 at 4:35pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Illinois)

Today, I came home after a party to my parents, who confronted me. They said that my phone had made a pocket call to them and they heard a good half hour of people talking about drugs and alcohol. I confessed at that point. I checked my phone after. I hadn't called them in 3 days. FML

#185053
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16966) - you deserved it (60443)

On 03/02/2009 at 4:04pm - misc - by Werner (man) - United States (California)

Today, I came home to find that my room had been ransacked. My mom comes out of no where and says that we need to have a talk. I freaked out thinking it was all the empty alcohol bottles under my bed. My mom holds up the birth control and says "I always knew you were a whore." FML

#185042
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62043) - you deserved it (17053)

On 03/02/2009 at 4:03pm - misc - by Stairway2Heaven - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, the men clearing the walkway outside my dorm room, with a snowblower didn't realize that my window was open. I looked over from my computer to see snow shooting in, covering my clock, closet, and radio. And now it's melting. FML

#183684
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36410) - you deserved it (15210)

On 03/02/2009 at 2:06pm - misc - by gr8terevil (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my dad woke me up at 6 told me to take a shower and drove me to school only to say "just kidding, happy snowday!" FML

#183630
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (83389) - you deserved it (12228)

On 03/02/2009 at 2:01pm - misc - by EPICfml. (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



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