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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I decided to play a joke on my boyfriend and planned to pretend that I found a thong in his gym bag. When he came home, I "confronted" him. After struggling through putting on my best face, he, unexpectedly confessed: "Look, babe, I'm sorry. It meant nothing." FML

#556029
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51497) - you deserved it (87102)

On 03/23/2009 at 4:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I got a phone call from a detective in response to my stolen car that has been missing since St. Patrick's Day. He told me that he had found my car, but was chuckling the whole time. Turns out, I had parked my car in a different lot. I haven't had it for a week. It was never stolen. FML

#555809
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13482) - you deserved it (86155)

On 03/23/2009 at 4:37pm - misc - by Blondie (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to see a therapist for the first time because I've been feeling depressed lately. I opened up and said everything that was on my mind. I really spilled my guts. After a good 30 minutes, her first question was, "Do you always talk this much?" FML

#555231
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68147) - you deserved it (7158)

On 03/23/2009 at 4:09pm - misc - by Nathan (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had an anxiety attack when I was hanging out with my boyfriend. He pulled me close to him and I started to feel better, until he put my hand down his pants and around his penis and said, "Here! Try this to take your mind off it." FML

#554524
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66827) - you deserved it (8286)

On 03/23/2009 at 3:37pm - misc - by Marian (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was having lunch with my sister and my mother. While my mom was busy ordering food, my sister said to me, "look at this face I can make!" and she grossly contorted her face so that she had a double chin. My mother looked over and said to her, "stop making fun of your sister!" FML

#554363
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67026) - you deserved it (4738)

On 03/23/2009 at 3:22pm - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML

#553935
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84227) - you deserved it (31462)

On 03/23/2009 at 3:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I gave a campus tour to a group of high school seniors. As I was showing off the dorms, one student asks, "Are these beds sturdy enough for threesomes?" Before I could respond, another kid shouts, "How would he know, I bet the only action he gets in bed is from his left hand." She's correct. FML

#553783
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (98411) - you deserved it (10316)

On 03/23/2009 at 2:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my parents told me they were going out for dinner tonight. I jokingly responded "Sweet! I am totally having a keg party then!" My dad responded "Keg parties are only for kids who have friends." He was serious. FML

#553334
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70234) - you deserved it (7799)

On 03/23/2009 at 2:34pm - misc - by unloved (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was taking the bus home from work. As I was getting off an old man whistled at me, I told him to go to hell and got off the bus. When the bus drove away the old man stood in the back of the bus, holding up the wallet I left that he was trying to give to me. FML

#551399
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13431) - you deserved it (121241)

On 03/23/2009 at 11:46am - misc - by lily (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I met a cute guy for coffee. Everything was going fine, right up until he started telling me about his alien encounters and super psychic powers. FML

#548687
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59830) - you deserved it (8921)

On 03/23/2009 at 3:36am - misc - by Ltl_Dust_Bunny (woman) - United States (Alaska)

Today, I just got back from a Civil War Reenactment in Virginia, my first big event in years. I spent over $200 on gas and food, and had to drive for over 10 hours both ways from Massachusetts. When I finally got there I realized, I had left my uniform at home. FML

#548341
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24522) - you deserved it (56267)

On 03/23/2009 at 2:51am - misc - by Earthboundb (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I received two withdrawl grades in school for droping the classes due to a kidney infection that kept me in the hospital. I wrote a petition to the dean asking to remove the grades. He replied to send a doctor's note. I did this, and he said that I was faking and the note was forged. FML

#547884
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (104217) - you deserved it (3978)

On 03/23/2009 at 2:12am - misc - by snoozer (woman) - United States (California)

Today, me and couple of friends were driving around town and saw a lady who had accidentally backed her car up onto a concrete wall. Laughing, we all turned to look as we passed and I drove straight into a parked police car at 30 that had stopped to help her. FML

#546076
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8431) - you deserved it (92974)

On 03/23/2009 at 12:31am - misc - by mbrooke (man) - United States (Iowa)



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