Today, I swallowed the piercing that I had bought for my tongue yesterday. FML

by lectro / 11/23/2008 at 3:22am / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to rent a DVD with my 85-year-old grandpa. I was walking around and then realized I was alone. I looked for him for quite a while until I finally found him open-mouthed in the porn section. FML

by Kourou / 11/21/2008 at 7:53am / Miscellaneous

Today, I was having a smoke out on the balcony of my apartment. When I was walking back into the house, I walked straight into the large glass sliding door, loudly whacking it with my forehead, subsequently waking up my 2 other flatmates at 2.30am. FML

by Andy / 11/18/2008 at 4:13pm / United Kingdom (Craigavon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I dropped my keys in the drain. Thankfully, my new flat mate generously offered his help to reach the keys via flower pot. FML

by Mandoune / 11/07/2008 at 9:18am / Finland (Western Finland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I crawled into bed at 2 in the morning. At 6 am, the telephone rang, waking me up. It was a wrong number. FML

by Tom / 11/07/2008 at 7:47am / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my "best friends" have gone on a crazy weekend and they didn't invite me. FML

by z / 11/07/2008 at 2:14am / Greece (Attiki) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm on holiday, but my alarm clock isn't. It rang at 6 o'clock. FML

by Fsd / 11/05/2008 at 2:35am / France (Franche-Comte) / Miscellaneous

Today, I farted A LOT during my exam, all silent so I figured I should be OK. Then I looked around and everybody was suffocating and giving me sly looks. I am now known to everyone in the department as SuperFart. FML

by Hth / 10/27/2008 at 8:13pm / United States (Delaware) / Miscellaneous

Today, I am supposed to be doing my homework. Instead, I'm wasting my time on here. Yeah, it's kinda my fault. FML

by me / 10/27/2008 at 10:53am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, in the early hours of the morning, a worker started drilling the road right in front of my window. He stopped 5 minutes before my alarm clock rang. FML

by Noalixah / 10/26/2008 at 10:22pm / Finland (Southern Finland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my refrigerator defrosted itself. FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2008 at 12:55pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my 63-year-old neighbor jumped out of his window. I was the first to find him, alive, naked and stuck in a bush. I guess I shouldn't have laughed at him while waiting for the ambulance, because he was my landlord. FML

by Benji / 10/13/2008 at 4:32am / Miscellaneous

Today, I got up at 8am and didn't take a shower so I could hear the postman at the door. He never came. I stink. FML

by Anonymous / 10/13/2008 at 4:24am / Australia / Miscellaneous