Today, I realised I like Britney Spears. FML

by embaressed / 01/27/2009 at 12:33pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got bored on the toilet and decided to paint my nails. I ended up having to wait half an hour to wipe. FML

by crazyvulva9216 / 01/26/2009 at 8:17pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML

by glittercat / 01/26/2009 at 6:44pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the gym and as I was pulling out my earphones and getting off my treadmill, I heard the girl behind me say to her friend on the treadmill next to her, "Wow, there have no cute guys today." Her friend replied, "None at all. It's like everyone suddenly got gay or ugly." FML

by Rothaar / 01/26/2009 at 5:19pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, one of the kids I was babysitting tried to hard boil eggs using the microwave. You cannot hard boil eggs using the microwave. It makes a mess. This we have learned. FML

by Danana / 01/26/2009 at 4:08pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up and it was Monday. FML

by buddy / 01/26/2009 at 9:58am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got caught stealing lollies. I am 25. FML

by Timmy / 01/26/2009 at 8:28am / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a homeless man asking for money for food. Not wanting to give him money so he'd spend it on booze, I decided to buy him a full big mac meal from McDonalds. When I went to hand it to him, he quickly waved his hand, denying it saying, "Thanks but I'm a vegetarian". FML

by Michelle C / 01/25/2009 at 10:44pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I am studying abroad in Mexico and someone asked me what it's like to be from Minnesota. I responded in Spanish, in front of thirty people, what I thought translated to, "If you get cold, you can just put on a jacket." Apparently, what I thought meant "jacket" actually meant "masturbate". FML

by Sally / 01/25/2009 at 7:06pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I downloaded the 'Dark was the Night' compilation made for charity. I have no soul. FML

by Champs / 01/25/2009 at 12:52pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, a ball rolled up to me, so I picked it up and threw it over the school wall. A little boy who was behind me asked for his ball back. It's Sunday and the school is closed. FML

by / 01/25/2009 at 7:36am / Miscellaneous

Today, I was trying on clothes in a store that had just screens set up for changing. As I took off the first pair of pants had I tried on, my foot got hooked in the cuff and I fell out in my underwear in front of the whole store. FML

by Teen / 01/24/2009 at 6:28pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I figured out that my baby-powder container can be closed by twisting the cap. I just got back from a long trip. My suitcase used to be black. FML

by yacoob / 01/24/2009 at 4:34pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous