Today, my girlfriend tried to clean out the fireplace with a vacuum cleaner, she sucked up a bunch of embers which set the vacuum on fire. After a crying for a bit, she went back to finish cleaning up only to find that some embers she dumped in a bucket melted through and set part of the carpet on fire. FML

by blck / 12/31/2008 at 9:53pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous

Today, as a prank I shook my girlfriend's can of soda. I hadn't noticed that it was already open. FML

by Simon / 12/30/2008 at 6:14am / Miscellaneous

Today, I went swimming. While I was walking along side of the pool, everyone was staring at me. I began to think that my diet was really working. It was only an hour later, in the changing rooms, that I noticed the string from my Tampax that was sticking out of my swimming costume. FML

by mimimi / 12/30/2008 at 1:24am / Miscellaneous

Today, my flatmate was listening to opera on full volume all afternoon and now he's playing James Bond on the trumpet. FML

by noname / 12/29/2008 at 1:09am / Miscellaneous

Today, I used my Christmas holiday time to open up a load of old letters. There were a lot of bills, of course, but there was also a note telling me that I'm due for a tax inspection. Merry F*ing Christmas! FML

by TodX / 12/27/2008 at 3:23am / Miscellaneous

Today, I was quietly having a bath when I felt something fall onto my shoulder blade. I glanced over my shoulder and saw what I thought were huge black spider legs. I screamed, completely hysterical, and I threw myself violently against a wall. It was my hair. FML

by noname / 12/26/2008 at 11:07pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I was reading the end of my book. I turn the page and see, written at the top: "Lauren kills Paul in the end... You shouldn't have pissed me off." It was from my sister, we had a fight yesterday. FML

by poupi / 12/25/2008 at 7:57am / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm 65 years old, and I've been given a bottle of wine produced in the year I was born. The wine tastes foul; not a good omen. FML

by Phil / 12/21/2008 at 7:14am / Miscellaneous

Today, I played a table tennis final in public. After winning, I went to shake my opponent's hand. He doesn't react or move. It was only the first set. FML

by Bito / 12/21/2008 at 2:00am / Miscellaneous

Today, Father Christmas touched my ass in a shopping mall. I'm a bit worried about what's going to happen on Christmas Day. FML

by Loola / 12/21/2008 at 12:04am / Miscellaneous

Today, it's my birthday. It's 6.30 pm. I'm still the only person aware of what day it is. FML

by poorgary / 12/18/2008 at 6:46am / Miscellaneous

Today, I bought "Angus, thongs and perfect snogging" on DVD. FML

by Wickls / 12/18/2008 at 3:30am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got fed up with my neighbor who has been coughing, night and day, for six months. I rang at her door to tell her about several remedies I know of to help, so I could sleep. I thus found out she has lung cancer. FML

by kisyfrot / 12/17/2008 at 10:38pm / Miscellaneous