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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was moving his hand from his thigh to my chest but on the way he sort of squeezed my stomach. When I asked him why he did that, he told me that "his fingers got stuck under my roll." FML

#334226
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56269) - you deserved it (18536)

On 03/15/2009 at 1:07am - misc - by marsbar (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I spent 5 hours preparing dinner for my fianc''s grandparents, whom I've never met. At dinner, his grandmother says to him, "If you're going to pick someone to spend the rest of your life with, at least make sure she can cook." I'm the executive chef at a 4 star restaurant. FML

#334008
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (89045) - you deserved it (4912)

On 03/15/2009 at 12:56am - misc - by chefdujour (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I interviewed for a full scholarship to college. In the interview I said that I was excited about the new dean because I think she’ll be able to really make improvements and bring the school back to where it used to be. After the interview, I learned my interviewer was the former dean. FML

#333810
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52362) - you deserved it (20634)

On 03/15/2009 at 12:46am - misc - by fire (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I ran for the train that was about to leave. I tried to hold the doors open with my leg and got stuck. The conductor just yelled out how unbelievable and ridiculous I was and waited 2 minutes to finally release me. Everyone was laughing at me. FML

#332673
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39839) - you deserved it (15484)

On 03/14/2009 at 11:56pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while I was babysitting, the toddler was feeding me banana slices from her tray while I was cutting up clay for her to mold. It was all fine until she shoved something hard and crunchy into my mouth. I immediately spat it out into my hand. It was a dead cricket she found on the floor. FML

#331058
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60549) - you deserved it (9748)

On 03/14/2009 at 10:27pm - misc - by storyofmylife - United States

Today, my family and I were at a restaurant. We're Swedish and love talking about people in our language because no one ever understands here. I decided to comment about how ugly the girl at the next table was. She turned around and goes "Dra åt helvete." That's Swedish for "Go to hell." FML

#329882
430 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26569) - you deserved it (285821)

On 03/14/2009 at 9:30pm - misc - by SwedishBozo (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I learned that the surprise party thrown for my girlfriend's 19th birthday was wonderful and she couldn't be happier. Except that I didn't show up. Apparently 40 people were invited but I wasn't one of them. We've been going out for three years. FML

#323384
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70293) - you deserved it (3497)

On 03/14/2009 at 3:28pm - misc - by chessgeeksam - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I checked my Facebook to find I had been tagged in a bunch of photos from a party I had attended last night. On each picture I had a comment from my mom saying, "You're grounded." FML

#322289
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30362) - you deserved it (75942)

On 03/14/2009 at 2:22pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was curling my eyelashes in my bathroom and while I was counting to 5 my brother flung open my door. I jumped and ended up ripping out all my eyelashes. Now I have to wait until they grow back. FML

#319307
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79194) - you deserved it (8243)

On 03/14/2009 at 10:55am - misc - by CPN (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I gave myself a facial with one of those masks you leave on for a while. I busied myself by tidying my room while it dried and eventually forgot all about it. I finally remembered about it after I answered the door to the postman. Not embarassing enough? I'm a guy. FML

#318260
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25329) - you deserved it (60350)

On 03/14/2009 at 7:36am - misc - by skc (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I came home a day after my birthday, and was greeted by my mother who told me "oh I have birthday present for you." She explained that she and my father went on a hike, and handed me my present. I got a F*ing stick for my birthday. FML

#316812
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80615) - you deserved it (5668)

On 03/14/2009 at 2:30am - misc - by Jon (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I decided it would be pretty amusing to press the "Like" button on everyone's status on Facebook without reading them just to get on peoples' nerves. After re-reading them later, I found out one of them said "I MISS YOU SOO MUCH GRANDMOM. RIP". I liked that her grandmother died. FML

#316205
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20920) - you deserved it (183397)

On 03/14/2009 at 1:50am - misc - by like - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was writing a very important email to my college professor. I went upstairs for something and came back down to send it. I later asked him today why he hadn't responded to which he said "I'm flattered...but can't." My roommate had added "love you xxx" at the end of the email. FML

#315906
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53235) - you deserved it (6922)

On 03/14/2009 at 1:27am - misc - by dntstopmenow (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)



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