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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I got a call from a girl I know, asking if i could babysit her little brother at my house tonight. I said yes. When the boy came over he mentioned that his sister was having a party and didn't want him there. Turns out all my friends were invited except me. FML

#464379
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80723) - you deserved it (4114)

On 03/19/2009 at 11:51am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I learned I made the dean's honor list for my college for the first time since attending. I asked my dad if he was proud of me, to which he replied, "when you're as successful as your brother, I'll be proud." My brother is a Chippendale's dancer. FML

Today, I got a phone call, and the person on the other line started speaking French. I assumed it was my friend since we usually speak French with each other, so I said in French "What do you want, asshole?". It wasn't my friend. It was a representative for the exchange program I'm applying for. FML

#459140
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15266) - you deserved it (89438)

On 03/19/2009 at 1:17am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I slept over at my friend's house but forgot my glasses. When I woke up in the morning, I came out of his room and forcefully kicked what I thought was a soccer ball on the floor. Turns out it was his miniature poodle - it fell down a long flight of stairs. FML

#459087
280 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28235) - you deserved it (104235)

On 03/19/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by JohnMackSquirts (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to my friend's house. While she went to the kitchen, I noticed a little pink pastry on her desk. It looked really good, so I decided to take a bite before she got back. As I bit into it, a sizzling noise started, and foam overflowed in my mouth. It was a bath bomb. FML

#458793
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9874) - you deserved it (89859)

On 03/19/2009 at 1:09am - misc - by skywayavenue (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went to a party to see my crush. He offered me a drink and I declined telling him that I don't drink because alcohol makes people act stupid and crash their cars. He then saw me back into a car parked on the street and shatter my backlights as I reversed from the driveway to go home. FML

#457666
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15544) - you deserved it (66976)

On 03/19/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by icantdrive (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my parents, who are out of town but driving back tomorrow, called to see how I was doing. They asked if I'd thrown a party in their absence, and I said no. My dad replied, "Well I'm currently looking at pictures on Facebook of our kitchen with beer and a bong on the table." FML

#456719
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15427) - you deserved it (115466)

On 03/18/2009 at 11:47pm - misc - by its_all_legit - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was excited to go to school because it was my 18th birthday. I walk in, and see a huge sign that says "Happy Birthday Katie! Love, Your Love." I ran up to my boyfriend of 4 years and thanked him. He responded with "It's your birthday?" The sign was for a Katie two grades lower than me. FML

#449459
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67173) - you deserved it (4156)

On 03/18/2009 at 8:20pm - misc - by MyB-Day (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I received a letter in the mail from my Grandma about how much she adores and loves me. Then it went into detail about how much prettier, smarter, and successful I am than my sister, Leah. I am Leah. She mixed up the letters to the wrong envelopes. FML

#444833
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71339) - you deserved it (3002)

On 03/18/2009 at 5:47pm - misc - by leah12 (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I woke up at three in the morning when two cops busted in the door to my apartment and a frantic voice on my cellphone saying "Sir? Sir? Are you all right? Sir?" Turns out I had been having a nightmare and dreamed I called 911. I actually did. FML

#440568
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66650) - you deserved it (7988)

On 03/18/2009 at 2:45pm - misc - by Miller_Time (man) - United States

Today, I was watching this TV show where a man was describing how much he loved this woman, how he made every opportunity to see her, and how he loved her in a way nobody else could. I smiled, because that's exactly the way I feel about my crush. Then I realized the program was about stalkers. FML

#438513
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71889) - you deserved it (28238)

On 03/18/2009 at 12:42pm - misc - by bluten (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I fell asleep in class during a boring economics lecture. I heard a whisper say "Rise and shine sleeping beauty." I thought it was my boyfriend, so i responded "Baby, what time is it? When is this F*ing class going to be over!?" it wasnt my boyfriend talking, it was my teacher. FML

#437815
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14285) - you deserved it (77402)

On 03/18/2009 at 11:48am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend of over a year and I were discussing how neither of us is the other's usual 'type'. I explained that I usually go for insular asshole types and then asked him what made me different from his usual choices. He said 'Oh, well, I usually go for the attractive ones.' FML

#436002
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65269) - you deserved it (10458)

On 03/18/2009 at 8:35am - misc - by aphre - United Kingdom (North Down)



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