Today, I got my license renewed and the woman behind the desk looked at me and said "guess we need to update the weight, huh?". FML

by faye / 02/14/2009 at 1:43pm / United States (Mississippi) / Miscellaneous

Today, my Mom came to pay me a short visit at college. She handed me some flowers, which were a Valentine's Day gift, because she "figured I wouldn't be getting any from anyone else this year." FML

by clementine8 / 02/14/2009 at 1:23am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was crying after having argued with my boyfriend. My mom saw me, she asked "Why are you crying? Don't you have homework to do?" FML

by crazycutie1027 / 02/13/2009 at 11:43pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, we wrote valentine's day poems in class. I wrote a very depressing poem about how I was rejected by all the girls I like and how it hurt to be alone. When it was read to the class, they laughed and told me it was hilarious. Even the teacher. FML

by Yudansha / 02/13/2009 at 10:10pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was talking to my parents about feeling insecure with my "beach body" as Spring Break keeps getting closer and closer. My dad warned me by saying, "Don't wear a gray swimsuit. People will try to roll you back into the ocean". FML

by Shamu / 02/13/2009 at 7:15pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, on campus, these really overly-happy people walking around with big signs saying "free hugs". When I walked towards them, their smiles faded, and they put their signs down. FML

by shit's weak / 02/13/2009 at 4:51pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to dinner with my friend and his family. I went to the men's room at the same time as his father, and as we peed next to each other in adjacent urinals the father looked over at me and said "Don't worry, I've seen smaller." FML

by samrodpuertorico / 02/13/2009 at 3:40pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my mom I was going through a growth spurt. She said "Yeah, horizontally." FML

by shorty / 02/13/2009 at 2:18pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I bit into my egg sandwich, and when I looked back into it, there were 5 long, gray, hairs leading from the sandwich into my mouth. FML

by hhaannnnaahh / 02/13/2009 at 2:06pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found a bone in my sandwich. It was a veggie burger. FML

by veggiegal / 02/13/2009 at 9:45am / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was expelled from school. By my own mother. FML

by Kulcha / 02/13/2009 at 6:07am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my mom how much she had set aside for college. She then looked and me as if I were crazy and said "Why the hell would I do anything like that?" FML

by Dariya / 02/12/2009 at 11:25pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my mom I was excited my boobs were getting bigger. She told me that that's what happens when you get fat. FML

by yerface / 02/12/2009 at 10:52pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous