Today, My roommate texted me and warned me to be careful on the stairs leading to our place because they were icy. I got the message. After I fell down an entire flight of stone stairs. FML

by CBM2012 / 02/06/2009 at 11:58pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got up the courage to go to my very first voice lesson. I thought I did alright, but at the end my teacher told me, "Now don't worry about grades in this class, I grade on effort, not on talent." FML

by Lizz / 02/06/2009 at 2:25pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom decided to tell me about her new boyfriend. I know him. I've slept with him. FML

by Noname / 02/06/2009 at 2:23pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found some porn videos in my parents room. I put them in and began to toss off, but as the camera moved up I realized it was my mom and my step-dad. FML

by Noname / 02/06/2009 at 1:25pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I hung out with a friend who has been too busy to hang out with me in a few months. I decided to make the day super special with fun plans and spent a lot of money doing so. When I got home, her facebook status said "Pointless day, gone to bed". FML

by pointlessperson / 02/06/2009 at 9:28am / Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador) / Miscellaneous

Today, while my 4 year old nephew was hugging me, he stepped back and declared, "Auntie, my Pee-do is hard, but it will go away." FML

by Fag_Hag / 02/05/2009 at 8:30pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friends and I go to a bar and get wasted. I walk around and see a kid. I start yelling, "There's a child in this bar! There's a CHILD in this BAR!" She turns around. She was a midget. FML

by frenchy / 02/05/2009 at 7:55pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally stood up to a bully who had been messing with me for over a year. His response? He picked up the chair I was sitting in and threw me across the room. FML

by Noname / 02/05/2009 at 6:15pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my anatomy teacher was putting together a skeleton model for class. He had misplaced the leg bone, so I thoughtfully asked, "What's the matter, lose a leg?" Unfortunately, there's nothing thoughtful about asking that question to a guy with an amputated leg. FML

by Foot In Mouth / 02/05/2009 at 5:56pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was awarding medals to finalists in a school club. While putting one around someones neck, I ended up poking a girl in the eye. She tried to be a trooper by continuing to walk across stage but i guess her eyes got really watery because she missed the step and fell, breaking her ankle. FML

by Craig / 02/05/2009 at 3:13pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent almost my entire English class turned on thinking that the hot girl next to me was playing footsie with me. That is until she stood up and I realized I had been rubbing my foot on her backpack. FML

by Kevin / 02/05/2009 at 1:04pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked past a man handing out miniature Bibles on my way to class. He handed me one, commenting "here, you look like you need this." FML

by Michigan / 02/04/2009 at 8:18pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered my mom has over 20 sites bookmarked on her laptop, all having to do with 'How To Boost Your Insecure Teen's Confidence' or 'How To Help Your Overweight Teen Have A Positive Self Image'. Thanks, mommy. FML

by Noname / 02/04/2009 at 6:04pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous