Today, I lit a cigarette in the opposite direction of the wind. My hair blew into it, and caught on fire. FML

by a genius / 02/12/2009 at 8:28am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML

by sober / 02/11/2009 at 9:09pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found my daughter on Facebook after years of looking for her after the divorce. It turns out it was my ex pretending to be my daughter so she could track me down. FML

by toad / 02/11/2009 at 9:06pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom asked me if I had an eating problem because I've been eating less. I only started eating less because she told me I ate too much. FML

by hungry / 02/11/2009 at 7:06pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my mom, "I love you". She responded with, "What? I never told you I loved you." FML

by chee / 02/11/2009 at 6:57pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom and I were looking at pictures from the beach. She goes, "That is a REALLY ugly picture of Michelle" (my cousin). The picture was of me. FML

by bm / 02/11/2009 at 2:57pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my entire family sat down in the living room to watch the video I recorded of my sister's graduation from college. I never pressed record. FML

by red button / 02/11/2009 at 2:24pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received a packet of papers in the mail by the state suing me for child support. I am 22 and still a virgin. FML

by Distressed / 02/11/2009 at 10:51am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I cut myself on a band-aid box, while trying to get one out for another cut. FML

by Chicketi / 02/11/2009 at 9:45am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend was picking on me at school by constantly tapping on my shoulder. At recess I had enough. I felt the familiar tap on my shoulder, and I drove my elbow into what I thought was my friends stomach. It was my Principal. FML

by da man / 02/11/2009 at 6:38am / Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador) / Miscellaneous

Today, at lunch I ordered a coke. The waiter replied "diet coke?" and I corrected him saying, "No, regular coke." He shook his head and said again, "diet coke." FML

by J / 02/11/2009 at 2:14am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I cut myself with child-proof scissors. FML

by tylerlove361 / 02/11/2009 at 12:30am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got on Facebook and realized the only two friend requests I've had in 2 months are both from my parents. FML

by Noname / 02/10/2009 at 8:22pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous