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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I had the cops called on me because I accidentally texted "I'm going to kill you and use your head as hood ornament" to my ex-fiancé, instead of my best friend. I only texted that because he got a better grade on an exam than me. Now I have a court date. FML

#133313
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26610) - you deserved it (38405)

On 02/25/2009 at 2:05pm - misc - by Joe (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, in art class we finally had the critique for the self portraits we've been working on for a month. We critique a few and come to mine. Everyone is silent. Finally, one girl says "I'm just going to be blunt. It doesn't look like you. You're not that pretty." Everyone nods. FML

#132596
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57273) - you deserved it (4708)

On 02/25/2009 at 12:07pm - misc - by mylifeeee - United States (Virginia)

Today, I farted in my cubicle thinking no one would smell it. Two seconds later, everyone came to my cubicle to wish me a happy birthday. FML

#132176
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19022) - you deserved it (35238)

On 02/25/2009 at 10:31am - misc - by riappp (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, it was really cold and windy and I started my car before work. I locked the front door of my house and shut it behind me to leave. The wind was blowing and all my hair got shut in my locked front door... with my keys in my car's ignition. FML

Today, I was walking to a meeting and saw two girls trying to jump start a car in the rain. Thinking I'd be a gentleman and help them, I offered to assist. The girl whose car is broken down looks at me, looks at her friend, and says, "I think we'd better call the police." FML

#130566
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35224) - you deserved it (2474)

On 02/25/2009 at 1:19am - misc - by Godfree (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mom decided to give me relationship advice. She told me the key to a happy/successful relationship was "letting your man explore ALL your orifices." FML

#130109
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40365) - you deserved it (3308)

On 02/25/2009 at 12:35am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend owns and wears more thongs than I do. FML

#129411
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46383) - you deserved it (4937)

On 02/24/2009 at 11:33pm - misc - by asdfghjkl_12 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my parents gave me a shirt from Banana Republic for my birthday. It looked like one I had bought for myself a couple of days earlier but I thanked them and went to hang it in my closet. An empty hanger hung where I placed the shirt I had purchased. They gave me my shirt for my birthday. FML

#127425
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (96647) - you deserved it (4069)

On 02/24/2009 at 9:20pm - misc - by Rich (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I sent out a note to 300 friends saying that I'm having a birthday party in a couple weeks. I asked to please write back if they are interested in going . . . two people answered...They said they can't make it. FML

#126838
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44105) - you deserved it (3969)

On 02/24/2009 at 8:34pm - misc - by mylifeisfcked (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, everyone at school was talking about some guy that did another girl while he was going out with someone. I started to spread the rumor myself, until someone told me that that guy was my boyfriend. The other girl was my best friend. FML

#125458
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49068) - you deserved it (22923)

On 02/24/2009 at 6:28pm - misc - by LockandKey - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got up early and really put some extra effort into my appearance to catch the eye of a cute guy at work. I walked in and the woman that sits in the desk beside me looks over and says, "wow, are you sick? You're not looking too good." FML

#125182
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34076) - you deserved it (3923)

On 02/24/2009 at 6:00pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was pissing in a urinal and I had the urge to sneeze. Unable to hold it, I sneezed and hit my head on a metal beam supporting the urinal. In complete disarray, I had to step back from the urinal while pissing and managed to spray the floor, the wall, and the person next to me. FML

#125156
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55227) - you deserved it (6560)

On 02/24/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by iliketurtles (man) - United States (California)

Today, I asked a very cute fireman for his number "just in case I needed him to come to my rescue"... He told me "Yeah sure!" and scribbled it down. After he walked away I read his note: "911". FML

#125152
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16186) - you deserved it (43025)

On 02/24/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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