Today, I just went to the bathroom and someone thought I was a guy. FML

by Lady of Sorrows / 01/31/2009 at 3:26pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I fell down the stairs twice. I fell from the top, stopped in the middle, stood up, stepped down one more step, tripped, and fell down the rest of the stairs. FML

by Lars / 01/31/2009 at 12:25pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized I bought 30 condoms last year. I now have 29. FML

by fuckit / 01/31/2009 at 12:24pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I have been reading FML for 12 hours. FML

by ayw329 / 01/31/2009 at 8:51am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found my drunken roommate asleep in my bed, naked, after he'd peed himself. FML

by shit / 01/30/2009 at 11:40pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my old man told me that he only married my mom because she convinced him she was pregnant with his child. In fact, she aborted a week later. "And then we had you instead." FML

by crakbbyaparently / 01/30/2009 at 8:34pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a haircut and the first thing the lady asked was "so do you want to keep the mullet?". What mullet?! FML

by Noname / 01/30/2009 at 2:06pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received a text message from my older brother. It said, "Ah... I want you". I hope to god it was intended for someone else. FML

by Ren / 01/30/2009 at 10:50am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was riding in a carpool when we passed a church that has a shady reputation. I said "man, all those people are being brainwashed, it's a cult". The lady sitting in the back seat behind me says "I'm a member of that church". OOPS. Silence. FML

by pop_rox / 01/30/2009 at 9:07am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a stomach virus, so I didn't eat anything. My new roommate asked me if I was anorexic and to prove I wasn't, I ate a sandwich in front of her... Only to go into the bathroom and throw it up later. She heard and now thinks I'm bulimic. FML

by IEatDammit / 01/29/2009 at 10:26pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got in a huge fight with my mom. So, I went to my room and locked myself in there and played loud music so I didn't have to hear her. She then decides to yell at me over facebook. Shortly after, I log out of Facebook. She then starts yelling at me on Yahoo. Damn technology. FML

by blarg / 01/29/2009 at 7:45pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, a guy sitting next to me in class asked me for a pen. I accidentally handed him a tampon instead. FML

by iFail / 01/29/2009 at 12:55pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents told me that they received a letter from a prison. Being curious they opened it up and read the entire thing. It was from this girl I randomly met. Now I have a prison stalker and my parents think I date felons. FML

by K Holed / 01/29/2009 at 12:04pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous