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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was questioned about a request for a restraining order filed against me by an old woman. According to the report, she's seen me "walking near her house and waving at her" for the last two months. I've been her next-door neighbor for a year and a half. FML

#170541
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51369) - you deserved it (1630)

On 03/01/2009 at 1:37pm - misc - by Friendly (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was walking through Borders with my girlfriend, when we pass a girl scout cookies stand. I see a box of Samoas, my favorite, point at them, and shout, 'YEAH'. My girlfriend looks shocked. Behind the box of cookies was a five year old scout bending over, with her bottom pointed at me. FML

#170218
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52073) - you deserved it (13675)

On 03/01/2009 at 12:55pm - misc - by Scottrick (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my mom bought me a t-shirt from the store. It has the U.S. Marines logo on it and says "Marines' Girlfriend". I'm a straight 16 year old boy and my mom only reads and speaks Spanish. FML

#168522
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51111) - you deserved it (3883)

On 03/01/2009 at 3:49am - misc - by Elis (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I spent 300 dollars making colored flyers for my iPhone that I lost. On the flyer I wrote for whoever found it to call me and I would give a reward. I wrote the phone number of my iPhone that I lost. FML

#165039
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17684) - you deserved it (116671)

On 02/28/2009 at 9:42pm - misc - by Mike (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, my dad had gotten a new cell phone. So I started to mess around with the cool features on his phone and stumbled upon some pictures he had taken. Next thing I know I'm looking at my mom going down on my dad. FML

#163784
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44793) - you deserved it (23236)

On 02/28/2009 at 7:33pm - misc - by AppState (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I got a 31% on a Chinese test at school. I moved here to New Jersey from China two months ago. FML

#161990
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52045) - you deserved it (16467)

On 02/28/2009 at 3:57pm - misc - by Noname - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was standing in the parking lot with my sister, after my aunt's funeral, when my grandma walks up and says to my sister, "You're the one going places in life, I'm proud to have you as a grand daughter." She then looked at me, and walked away. FML

#161850
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48983) - you deserved it (3191)

On 02/28/2009 at 3:41pm - misc - by AnnaMarie. (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I forgot to do my French homework, but since it was an online worksheet, I told my teacher my internet wasn't working. I told her with an e-mail. FML

#161178
992 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58854) - you deserved it (643267)

On 02/28/2009 at 2:07pm - misc - by ihavepinkbackpac (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was over at a friend's place until very late. He had stolen my keys as a joke at some point, but by the time I noticed, he was too drunk to remember where he'd hidden them. FML

#160581
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36693) - you deserved it (7941)

On 02/28/2009 at 12:33pm - misc - by doneanddone (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was stepping out of the shower while home alone. I heard voices coming from the living room. I grabbed a bat to defend my self and ran into the living room. I slipped on my tile floor and smashed my TV with the bat. No one was in my house but I left my radio turned on. FML

#159713
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15238) - you deserved it (38882)

On 02/28/2009 at 8:08am - misc - by Slipperywhenwet (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was introduced to my boyfriend's family at their family reunion for the first time. As I sat on the couch, his 4-year old sister comes in and jumps onto my lap. For a moment I was happy to think his sister liked me, only to hear her say "You're fat! I like fat things." FML

#159579
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46374) - you deserved it (4696)

On 02/28/2009 at 5:52am - misc - by Judiee (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at church and saw a blind teenager who obviously felt lost. Feeling like I should help I went over and asked if he needed anything. He said, "I can't find my caretaker." I asked, "What does she look like?" FML

#159157
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13387) - you deserved it (56717)

On 02/28/2009 at 2:59am - misc - by wideman (man) - United States (California)

Today, I slept over at a friend's house. We decided to dress up as ninjas and play a trick on her younger brothers, sleeping in the basement. While sneaking down the stairs, in the dark, her mother came home. Thinking I was a robber, she beat me with a lamp. FML

#158758
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18204) - you deserved it (34305)

On 02/28/2009 at 1:40am - misc - by RosaP (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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