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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I saw my mom naked as she came out of the shower. I realized that's the first time I've ever seen a naked woman. I'm a 24 year old guy. FML

#2230687
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64753) - you deserved it (12552)

On 05/24/2009 at 1:18am - misc - by Imretarded (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, a waiter came up and and put out his hand so I gave him a high five and pounded it. He then says, "Um, that was a nice high five but I wanted your plate." FML

#2230053
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12505) - you deserved it (56519)

On 05/24/2009 at 1:01am - misc - by Clueless (woman) - United States

Today, for my birthday, my brother gave me some of those fake 'Harry Potter' edible cockroaches. I ate one. It wasn't fake. FML

#2226575
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53533) - you deserved it (8861)

On 05/23/2009 at 11:01pm - misc - by partygirlxxx - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I pulled up to a stoplight and blew past the car beside me to merge into one lane. About 30 seconds later, I ran out of gas right in front of them. We were on a bridge, and I had to push my car all the way across. FML

#2225045
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8811) - you deserved it (56695)

On 05/23/2009 at 10:17pm - misc - by DQB (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I took my grandma to the hospital to visit her estranged husband who she hasn't seen in years. After a thoroughly disasterous visit, we're waiting in the carpark and my gran strokes my face and tells me I have a lot of facial hair. I thought she was going to thank me. And I'm a girl. FML

#2223599
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39500) - you deserved it (3518)

On 05/23/2009 at 9:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after a nap, I went to scratch my eye and felt what I presumed to be a clump of mascara on my eyelash. I didn't wear mascara today. It was a tick. FML

#2213407
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54052) - you deserved it (3361)

On 05/23/2009 at 3:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was helping some mental health patients at work, I spent 20 mins to fail to connect the DVD player to the TV and went back to make them something to eat. I came back into the room after 5 mins and one of the patients had connected it for himself. He has a profound learning disability. FML

#2213271
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39214) - you deserved it (21416)

On 05/23/2009 at 3:27pm - misc - by Tom_why - United Kingdom (North East Lincolnshire)

Today, I spent the whole day seeing how many licks it would take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop: 763. I'm 24. FML

#2209832
394 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49909) - you deserved it (21482)

On 05/23/2009 at 12:15pm - misc - by Tootsy_Roll_Pop (man) - United States

Today, my family returned from a holiday in Egypt. A holiday that I really wanted to spend with them. As if leaving me behind wasn't bad enough, they then made me watch a 200 picture slideshow of how much fun they had. FML

#2206074
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44023) - you deserved it (3280)

On 05/23/2009 at 7:51am - misc - by MdT (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I went to my best friend's birthday party. After about 15 minutes, I noticed a girl, possibly one of his sisters friends, wearing the same shirt as me. I am a 23 year old bloke. She didn't look a day over 14. FML

#2205796
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33726) - you deserved it (9089)

On 05/23/2009 at 6:53am - misc - by bluewinter (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I went to a dollar store with a couple friends to buy cap guns to play with. We were having a lot of fun with them, and took them onto a bus. 5 minutes later, three cops got on, handcuffed us, and sternly talked to us about the dangers of guns. We got arrested for toy guns. We are 17. FML

#2204449
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18784) - you deserved it (54284)

On 05/23/2009 at 3:37am - misc - by arrestedgun (man) - Canada

Today, my brother and I were standing at the baggage claim, waiting for our luggage to come out. We were commenting on all the bags that appeared, and when two large hiking packs came out I exclaimed "What kind of cunts go backpacking in New York?" The old couple standing next to us, apparently. FML

#2203272
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6729) - you deserved it (78624)

On 05/23/2009 at 2:20am - misc - by beavis - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I decided to tell my mother what I thought about religion. I've been raised catholic. I told her I was converting to Wicca, to which she sort of nodded and walked away. I went into my room to study with my earbuds in, music loud. I walked out to see a cross nailed above my door. FML

#2202679
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37552) - you deserved it (31956)

On 05/23/2009 at 1:50am - misc - by Sigh (woman) - United States (Florida)



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