Today, a guy informed me that the cute, really tiny little leather bracelet with little silver hearts and several snaps that I'd found in a head shop is actually a cock ring. I'm a girl. FML

by fashionVictim / 03/08/2009 at 4:35pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, someone stole my phone at a concert. They decided it would be funny to text my mom saying I was pregnant. FML

by kelsey / 03/08/2009 at 2:10pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my brother had his fiancée over to meet the whole family. We were having a great time with her, and my mother gushed to her that she was like the daughter she never had. I'm her daughter. FML

by Noname / 03/08/2009 at 9:34am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was looking at some comments on a silly YouTube video of me dancing with some friends. Someone posted a comment saying "Girl on the right is hot!!!." Next to that, it had about 31 thumbs down. I'm the girl on the right. FML

by Ugly / 03/08/2009 at 4:47am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was going over to my friends house for dinner, (it was my birthday) when I walked in everyone yelled surprise and then turned on the lights. When my friend looked over at me she said "wrong person guys, turn off the lights". FML

by PmS / 03/08/2009 at 3:16am / United States (Wyoming) / Miscellaneous

Today, I opened my birthday present from my grandfather. It was a map of the USA color coded by regional percentage of available men. FML

by Noname / 03/07/2009 at 11:28pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, all of my friends and teachers asked me what was wrong because I looked sad and tired. One kid even said that I looked like "an abused housewife the day after." I was fine. It was the first time I went to school without wearing any makeup. FML

by bu09 / 03/07/2009 at 3:34pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked into the kitchen and accidentally broke my mother's vase. I said, "Accidents happen." She replied, "Yeah, like your birth." FML

by Cody / 03/07/2009 at 1:15pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend sent me an instant message, telling me how excited she was that she was accepted to a FIT Summer Program. I told her I was so proud, and that she can finally lose that excess weight. She told me that she meant Fashion Institute of Technology. FML

by Noname / 03/07/2009 at 12:41pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I laced up my fabulous new boots and walked outside to find my hot neighbor, with whom I carpool every morning. I struck a pose, feeling quite confident. Upon taking my first step down the stairs, I fell forward. I woke up an hour later with 7 stitches in my head. FML

by Triple F / 03/07/2009 at 12:16pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to my guidance counselor and told her how I'd been fascinated with space since I was 12, had read about the universe and everything, and how I want to be an astrologist when I grow up. She stared at me for a second, before saying, "But you're... stupid." FML

by astroloser / 03/07/2009 at 11:10am / Philippines (Rizal) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking along the street and passed a young couple. Over my shoulder I heard the girl say to her boyfriend "Would you still love me if I looked like her?" FML

by Pissed Off / 03/07/2009 at 5:13am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my name was called during an assembly because I won some sort of prize. Everyone booed. FML

by ladeda / 03/07/2009 at 2:01am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous