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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I woke up with really dry, chapped lips. Still in bed, without my glasses on, I sleepily reached down into my purse for some chapstick and applied it. Upon awakening later I realized I had mistaken a mini Sharpie permanent marker for chapstick. I have a job interview today. FML

#1100061
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43723) - you deserved it (26968)

On 04/18/2009 at 9:55pm - misc - by pinkblankets (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went swinging with my friend at the park. Seeing a few cute guys playing basketball, I tried to act cute, laughing loudly and letting my hair fly all over the place. Just as they look over the swing broke. I fell on my face, my jeans sliding down, mooning them. They laughed hysterically. FML

#1091323
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39057) - you deserved it (31118)

On 04/18/2009 at 5:08pm - misc - by xxxdwangelaxxx (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was folding the laundry. At one point, I had to take a moment to figure out whether a pair of underwear was mine or my mothers. I'm 18. She is 56. Enough said. FML

#1090882
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48923) - you deserved it (11580)

On 04/18/2009 at 4:49pm - misc - by granny_panties (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was at the Apple Store taking random pictures of myself. I took one with a really stupid face. This girl passes by and says, "Wow, that's a cool effect! You look just like an alien!" I wasn't using any effects. It was a regular picture. FML

#1090748
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46813) - you deserved it (9664)

On 04/18/2009 at 4:46pm - misc - by sarah (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at a frat band party dancing with my girl when I felt some liquid on my arm. Normally, I'll lick spilled drinks off my arms and being slightly intoxicated, I did. Then I realized it was chunky. The girl dancing next to us had puked everywhere and I licked her vomit off my arm. FML

#1080598
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29518) - you deserved it (105523)

On 04/18/2009 at 6:42am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was walking home from when I passed an old woman sitting on the curb of Walmart begging for change. I gave her my last dollar and felt good about it. Five minutes later I saw the same woman driving away in a car. I don't even own a car. FML

#1079791
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51296) - you deserved it (9986)

On 04/18/2009 at 4:19am - misc - by NotSteve - United States (Utah)

Today, I went out to dinner. The waiter was pretty cute. He greets us, "Hi my name is... (long pause) Jordan." Thinking he was flirting, I quickly smart back, "Are you confused?" He says, "No actually, I have a stutter." FML

#1078771
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13040) - you deserved it (63310)

On 04/18/2009 at 2:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I drove past a firehouse that had volunteer firemen taking collections. I take out a $20 and start to roll the window down when I remember my window was broken. I ended up driving by, holding the $20 against the window, staring at the fireman. Now the fireman thinks I was taunting him. FML

#1076233
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45912) - you deserved it (15220)

On 04/18/2009 at 1:09am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, was my birthday. My friends love to play pranks on me. So when I entered the door for my surprise party, I became aware of the surroundings. There was nothing. Everyone was staring as I slowly entered the room. When I closed the door behind me, a freaking bucket of pee fell all over me. FML

#1075596
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82885) - you deserved it (5013)

On 04/18/2009 at 12:44am - misc - by fmylifebadddd (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, at the rehearsal for my wedding, my mother told my bride's mother to fuck off. FML

#1072377
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74308) - you deserved it (3647)

On 04/17/2009 at 11:14pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, while standing in line at the grocery store, I noticed that myself and the woman in front of me were wearing the same shirt. As she was about to leave, I said to her "Hey! I'm wearing that shirt!" She turned to me and replied, "Not in THIS size you aren't." FML

#1068515
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52594) - you deserved it (9808)

On 04/17/2009 at 9:22pm - misc - by woopwoop (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was taking my boyfriend to the mall. In the parking lot I pointed out an old man in a vibrant pink sweater who was leaving by saying "He is so gay." My boyfriend got out of the car and walked towards the man calling "Hey Papaw!" It was his grandfather. FML

#1067181
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11013) - you deserved it (72192)

On 04/17/2009 at 8:46pm - misc - by grampsisgay (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend left her phone on a bus. With no way to pick it up, I drove 40 miles through Friday night Boston traffic to get it from the bus company office. It took me four hours. Bored in traffic, I discovered the texts from her other boyfriend. FML

#1064641
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79185) - you deserved it (4392)

On 04/17/2009 at 7:15pm - misc - by Safe - United States (New Jersey)



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