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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML

#1704585
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62797) - you deserved it (2763)

On 05/06/2009 at 9:43pm - misc - by Gumfanatic302 (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, as I was running a cute guy was coming towards me. As he was passing me, he yelled "nice tush!" I said thanks and slapped my ass flirtatiously. He stopped running, laughed and pointed to my crotch, replying "No, I said nice BUSH" I looked down to see my shorts had rode up a bit too high. FML

#1701817
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19808) - you deserved it (65315)

On 05/06/2009 at 8:20pm - misc - by schmoodles - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got industrial toilet cleaner in my eyes. Despite the raging fire party going on behind my eyelids, I resisted the urge to stop, drop, and roll, and calmly got in the shower to wash it off. Wherein I promptly slipped, fell, and whacked my head full-force on the bathtub on the way down. FML

#1695418
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50683) - you deserved it (4582)

On 05/06/2009 at 4:46pm - misc - by twoheadedboy (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after practicing a song for my girlfriend on guitar all day, I called her over to my house to show it to her. After a long speech about how "this is for you," I played for about 3 seconds before I broke a string, which slapped her in her face. FML

#1694711
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63616) - you deserved it (5743)

On 05/06/2009 at 4:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I got into my driving instructors car for my first lesson. He looked at me, then said, "I'm sorry, but I wasn't told about your disabilities, what do you have?" I'm not disabled. FML

#1694606
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57692) - you deserved it (3208)

On 05/06/2009 at 4:09pm - misc - by wow. (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. When the police officer approached me and asked for license and registration, I accidentally gave him my fake I.D. FML

#1694446
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16667) - you deserved it (126999)

On 05/06/2009 at 4:05pm - misc - by FakeID (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I had some pretty bad stomach pain, so I went to the bathroom. After a few minutes, two girls walked in, taking stalls next to me. That's when my farts began to get very large and explosive. Not only did they break into laughter, they waited for me to come out. FML

#1693218
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71344) - you deserved it (4637)

On 05/06/2009 at 3:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while driving home I had to pee really bad. I decided to speed to get home quicker. I got pulled over for speeding and peed my pants. The cop, assuming I was drunk, made me take a sobriety test. I had to walk a straight line with piss all over my pants at 2:00 in the afternoon. FML

#1692972
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56633) - you deserved it (11454)

On 05/06/2009 at 3:11pm - misc - by jojo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 3 year old nephew was sitting on my knee at the computer. He was annoying me as he kept on pressing all the buttons. To scare him off I did a creepy voice in his ear that makes him cry. He turned round and broke my nose. FML

#1690267
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14921) - you deserved it (78105)

On 05/06/2009 at 1:04pm - misc - by ElamentalAngel - United Kingdom

Today, I was excited about my friend going wedding dress shopping. Before I went to go work out, I decided to try on a prom dress from high school to remember what it felt like to get dressed up. It was too tight, I broke the zipper, and spent 45 minutes trapped before I cut myself out. FML

#1688328
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18436) - you deserved it (37295)

On 05/06/2009 at 11:04am - misc - by Fatty (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got my hair dyed at a fancy salon. While the stylist was pulling out the foils in my hair I sat up and started screaming in pain because the hot foils were burning my scalp. All she said was "oh, you're fine". I went back home to find an oozing burn wound on my scalp. FML

#1685097
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59401) - you deserved it (3762)

On 05/06/2009 at 4:57am - misc - by random (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was ordering some clothes from Abercrombie online and I went to measure my bust to check what size I am in American. I got my measurement, checked what size it would be and the size of my bust was not even listed on the website. Great. Now even Abercrombie thinks I have small tits. FML

#1684476
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46913) - you deserved it (8409)

On 05/06/2009 at 3:40am - misc - by frankie034 (woman) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, was my first meeting with business partners as I am new to the team. Instead of saying that I was looking forward to "stretching my legs" or "spreading my wings", I told them I was anxious to start "spreading my legs". FML

#1683242
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57429) - you deserved it (19981)

On 05/06/2009 at 2:04am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)



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