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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my coworker sent an email to the whole company asking us to fill in a survey. I've been secretly seeing her for two months, so I responded with "sure thing baby, and by the way I ran out of condoms, can you bring more for tonight?" I accidentally hit reply all. FML

#1489394
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14716) - you deserved it (83268)

On 04/30/2009 at 12:54pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found out my best friend had 3 birthday parties for herself over the weekend. I wasn't invited to any of them. When I asked her why, she said I "didn't fit in" to any of the groups that were at the parties. All my other friends were invited. FML

#1487200
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52979) - you deserved it (3575)

On 04/30/2009 at 10:51am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my phone started ringing in the other room. I ran to go pick it up, tripped over my coffee table which gashed my leg, and knocked over my brand new 50" LCD TV, which broke over my head. Turns out it was a wrong number. FML

#1485222
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52546) - you deserved it (13586)

On 04/30/2009 at 8:16am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was rollerblading in the university gardens and taking pictures. A worker started to yell at me, and I told him that I had perfect control and could stay on the sidewalk. As I turned to skate away, I faceplanted into a bed of prized rare flowers. FML

#1481817
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8207) - you deserved it (57164)

On 04/30/2009 at 2:11am - misc - by krizleykrislo - United States (Michigan)

Today, my girlfriend bought this hot pink Chanel nail polish. Bored, she thought it would be funny to paint my nails. I finally gave in and let her paint my toe nails. After she left, my buddy calls to to see if I can give him a ride. I forgot I had a swim meet today. FML

#1479670
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14305) - you deserved it (49698)

On 04/30/2009 at 12:52am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had a dentist appointment after class so I threw my electric toothbrush in my backpack so I could brush my teeth before. In the middle of class the toothbrush turns on and the vibrations could be heard throughout the classroom. They yelled at me "Jess has a vibrator!" FML

#1479634
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46073) - you deserved it (9380)

On 04/30/2009 at 12:51am - misc - by jess (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I called my mom into my room to ask her to bring me something. She reffered to me as a "lazy fat slug." I'm 38 weeks pregnant and was put on emergancy bedrest by my doctor. FML

#1475224
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62621) - you deserved it (4256)

On 04/29/2009 at 10:03pm - misc - by prego (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at my 3 year-old niece's birthday party. I was swinging on their swing set when she walked directly into my path. I tried to jump off the swing, but I could not stop myself in time. I ended up kicking her in the face and giving her a black eye. Happy birthday! FML

#1470425
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41434) - you deserved it (10020)

On 04/29/2009 at 8:14pm - misc - by BrandNewKadillak - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I came home from work and went to open the door. I Iooked in the window and saw a man in my house. Terrified, I called the police. They came, searched the house, and found nothing missing. I went back inside and looked through the window and saw him again. It was my reflection. FML

#1467567
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11058) - you deserved it (73306)

On 04/29/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was taking the subway to work when I saw a really hot girl. Noticing that she, like me, had a Dunkin' Donuts coffee, I tried to start a conversation by saying, "Is that Double Ds you have there?" She didn't pick up that I was talking about the coffee. FML

#1466459
299 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18600) - you deserved it (89444)

On 04/29/2009 at 6:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was playing one on one soccer with a girl like. I accidentally kicked the ball right into her face. The ball rolled back towards me and as I was running to see if she was ok, I kicked the ball... right into her face again. FML

#1452410
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64281) - you deserved it (29157)

On 04/29/2009 at 10:35am - misc - by hyper12332 (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, at 4 AM, I locked myself out of my apartment. After calling friends in vain, I decided to just sit on the doorstep and wait for someone to come in. I sat for 10 minutes before a homeless man insisted threateningly that I move. I was kicked off my own front doorstep by a homeless man. FML



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