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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my friend and I were seeing a movie. We ended up sitting next to a man who was continually laughing, clapping, and bouncing up and down on his seat. Extremely annoyed, we turned to him and told him to "shut the fuck up". Turns out he had downs syndrome and ran out of the theater crying. FML

#1010714
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25082) - you deserved it (139770)

On 04/16/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by katem (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was driving home from work when I saw a cop come up behind me. Nervous about my expired license, I kept checking in my rear view mirror. In turn since I wasn't paying attention, I ran a stop sign. Needless to say the cop pulled me over and gave me 2 tickets. FML

#1010703
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9426) - you deserved it (61152)

On 04/16/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by imnotcool (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went shopping with my friend. The store was having a special where if you spend over $75 you receive a free T-shirt. I paid for my items and my total was over $75. The salesman didn't hand me a shirt so I asked him for one. He looks at me and says "I'm sorry, we only have Mediums." FML

#1008885
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55060) - you deserved it (6703)

On 04/16/2009 at 12:11am - misc - by arrogantlondon (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was having a panic attack so I called my parents. My brother answered to say my parents couldn't come to the phone because they were watching 24. Its ten o'clock and 24 is not on now. They were watching 24 on TiVo and couldn't pause it to come to the phone. FML

#1006191
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50837) - you deserved it (4770)

On 04/15/2009 at 10:32pm - misc - by happyharriet (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was struggling through an exam and the hot girl next to me seemed to be flying through the questions. So I cheated off her. When we finished I asked her to lunch. She said "No, I just rushed through the exam so I can go fuck my boyfriend." I got shutdown and probably failed an exam. FML

#1001341
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9395) - you deserved it (83084)

On 04/15/2009 at 7:30pm - misc - by ananomoose - United States (Vermont)

Today, I was wearing a new 500 dollar dress on a crowded train. I looked great and I could feel the eyes on me. A cute guy then offered me his seat, only boosting my confidence more until he said "for you and the baby," pointing at a bump in my dress. I'm not pregnant and wasted 500 dollars. FML

#994707
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50014) - you deserved it (25898)

On 04/15/2009 at 4:14pm - misc - by notpreggers - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was visiting my grandmother's house. She keeps the thermostat on 85 and after about 30 minutes I explained to her "I'm going to have to leave, it's just too hot in here". She replied: "You think it's hot in here, wait until you get to hell." I laughed. She didn't. FML

#993932
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60668) - you deserved it (5724)

On 04/15/2009 at 3:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I finally hooked up with a guy I've been hanging out with for 2 months. Afterwards, while we're getting dressed he says "You better be clean. If you're not tell me now so I dont pass it on to my girlfriend." Stunned, all I could say was, "Girlfriend?!" His reply, "Well technically my fiancée." FML

#992330
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71176) - you deserved it (12791)

On 04/15/2009 at 2:42pm - misc - by oops123 - United States (Missouri)

Today, my mom and I went to Winn-Dixie. I told her I was going to a different isle 5 minutes later I hear my name on the intercom to go to the front of the store. As I go I see my mom crying, she comes and hugs me and tells me she thought I was lost. Im 22, I had my cell phone, and I drove there. FML

#992222
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (122416) - you deserved it (7051)

On 04/15/2009 at 2:38pm - misc - by SwimSquid (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I backed my car into a parked car in a parking lot. Not only did I back into a parked car, but it was the ONLY parked car there. FML

#991895
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13835) - you deserved it (66530)

On 04/15/2009 at 2:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I heard an electric saw cutting through something outside my condo. I presumed it was a complex maintenance guy working on something. It was a thief using an angle grinder to cut off my bicycle's U-lock. FML

#991872
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53107) - you deserved it (5430)

On 04/15/2009 at 2:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was talking on my mobile and walking into a grocery store saying, quite loudly, "Time heals all wounds!" right as I passed a woman with significant burns covering her face. I guess I was wrong. FML

#989435
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18329) - you deserved it (48672)

On 04/15/2009 at 12:17pm - misc - by Insensitive (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went for a jog. I had stopped at an intersection to let a car go by. The car stopped and the driver waved me on, so I started jogging again. After a few steps, I feel a sharp pain in my side, then wake up in the hospital. The driver 'accidentally' hit the gas. FML



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