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Today, I was walking to school and decided to be a good citizen by picking up a beer can on the sidewalk. I then walked on to my school's campus where I then got suspended by my dean for "trying to rebel", grounded by my parents for getting suspended, and an MIP from the school's police guard. FML

#267564
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60896) - you deserved it (7899)

On 03/11/2009 at 1:04am - misc - by fmlmylife - United States (Texas)

Today, my brother's new girlfriend, who is blind, asked to feel my face so she could tell what I look like. She said I was "unique". A blind chick just told me I was ugly. FML

#267398
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57287) - you deserved it (4646)

On 03/11/2009 at 12:45am - misc - by GreenScar (man) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to get dressed up for school because it's my birthday. I was heading to class in my heels. Then, I rolled my ankle, fell down the muddy hill, pulled a leg muscle, and scratched up my knees. At least ten people saw it. I was wearing a white skirt. Happy Birthday. FML

#266744
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49226) - you deserved it (11497)

On 03/10/2009 at 11:16pm - misc - by birthdaygirl (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was the only one in an elevator when an attractive girl came in, talking on her phone. She told her friend, "I have to go, there's a cute guy on this elevator." Before I could even react, she turned to me and said, "Sorry for lying, I really wanted to get off the phone with her." FML

#265039
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (219964) - you deserved it (12952)

On 03/10/2009 at 9:10pm - misc - by TuralSucks (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I bought a parakeet for my kids. When I got home and presented it to them, they wanted to let him fly around inside. We went around the house making sure all the windows and doors were shut. Unfortunately I forgot to turn off the ceiling fan. FML

#264253
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27832) - you deserved it (49552)

On 03/10/2009 at 8:10pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was with my 6th grade class. During recess, we were talking about growing up and getting older. I said that one day, they'd start to look like me. Two of my students started crying. FML

#264101
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59407) - you deserved it (5753)

On 03/10/2009 at 7:58pm - misc - by ouch (woman) - United States (California)

Today, our school went to an elementary school to read to the kids. One of the girls in my group asked me if she could switch into another group, so I asked her what was wrong with mine. She said, "Nothing, I wanna be in her group. She's prettier." I was insulted by a kindergartner. FML

#263289
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44376) - you deserved it (3158)

On 03/10/2009 at 6:51pm - misc - by thanksjill (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, as a bartender was carding my friends, I excitedly asked if he was going to card me. The guy gave me a blank stare before finally replying, "Look, lady, I don't have time to stroke some middle-aged woman's ego." I asked because it was my birthday. I just turned twenty-one. FML

#262388
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78301) - you deserved it (5958)

On 03/10/2009 at 5:31pm - misc - by rebecca (woman) - Austria (Wien)

Today, my parents got back from their weekend ski trip. I had a few parties over the weekend and had cleaned up absolutely EVERYTHING; beer cans, throw up, spilled drinks, etc. The only thing I forgot about was the condom someone left in my parents bed. FML

#262381
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12741) - you deserved it (61468)

On 03/10/2009 at 5:30pm - misc - by Lichelle (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I went home for my grandma's 95th birthday. While there she noticed my new tongue piercing and asked why I would get it done. Before I could reply, my cousin says "So she can can make the boys happier when she's sucking on them." She's 9 years old. FML

#261877
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52807) - you deserved it (11149)

On 03/10/2009 at 4:40pm - misc - by epictothemax - United States (Illinois)

Today, I received my graduation gift, a bath robe, from my parents. My have two older sisters also graduated. The first one got a Tiffany's bracelet, the second one got a plane ticket to Europe. FML

#260878
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64708) - you deserved it (2789)

On 03/10/2009 at 2:37pm - misc - by dileigh (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was sitting in Science class and to my surprise I felt my pants suddenly becoming warm and wet. I looked behind me to see that 4 boys from my class had inserted a small funnel into my exposed buttcrack and where pouring the melted butter from the experiment into that area. FML

#260451
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82166) - you deserved it (24193)

On 03/10/2009 at 1:13pm - misc - by Sarah - United Kingdom (Bolton)

Today, a man in my town was arrested for hiding methanphetamine in a hollowed out walking cane and distributing it to the population of his retirement complex. That man was my 58 year old father. FML

#259923
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62450) - you deserved it (2222)

On 03/10/2009 at 11:01am - misc - by Noname (man) - United States (Georgia)



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