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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my boss forgot her meeting with an official from the military base and called to ask me to handle it. The very cute Marine showed up that afternoon and we talked for an hour. After he left, I realized I had forgotten about the paper mustache I taped to my face for fun that morning. FML

#285039
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15320) - you deserved it (65080)

On 03/12/2009 at 4:04pm - misc - by Jaeda (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went over to my uncle's house for dinner and my stomach hurt really bad. I noticed there were two toilets and sat in the prettier one and took a huge dump. Turns out I'd chosen the brand new toilet that wasn't connected to anything yet. FML

#284882
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51356) - you deserved it (26907)

On 03/12/2009 at 3:56pm - misc - by Noname - United States (California)

Today, I was woken up by the sound of power tools at 6:30am. I stuck my head out my window and yelled at them to shut up. They didn't stop. I walked out the front door to find the bastard. It was firemen. They were sawing down the door of my neighbour's burning house. FML

#280969
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8138) - you deserved it (64870)

On 03/12/2009 at 10:29am - misc - by Noname (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I was on a standing on a crowded bus going home after school. A wriggling 5 year old boy and his mum left the seat to get off the bus. Since no one looked keen to sit on the seat, I did, only to find out that it was covered in pee. FML

#280040
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42777) - you deserved it (8716)

On 03/12/2009 at 7:09am - misc - by Noname - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I turned 22, without anyone wishing me a happy birthday. In fact, the only phone call I received all day was from my brother. He wanted to borrow money. FML

#279813
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (112522) - you deserved it (5671)

On 03/12/2009 at 5:59am - misc - by Ondskansgris (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I got a text message. My phone was sitting on the edge of the bed and set on vibrate, so it fell off. I reached down to grab my phone and fell off the bed. My macbook landed on top of me. I fractured my arm and broke my laptop to read a text from facebook. FML

#279648
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53124) - you deserved it (18335)

On 03/12/2009 at 5:06am - misc - by Noname - United States (Texas)

Today, I fell asleep in the car on a 10+ hour trip with my family as soon as we got on the highway. When I woke up an hour later, I realized I'd had a wet dream. I had to sit next to my grandma with semen all over my thighs and boxers for the rest of the trip. FML

#278978
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70108) - you deserved it (9853)

On 03/11/2009 at 8:30pm - misc - by MoneyMike (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was standing on a balcony smoking a cigarette when I noticed a woman giving me strange looks. When I put the cigarette out and went to walk inside she said "You shouldn't smoke while you're pregnant." I'm not pregnant. FML

#278323
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59762) - you deserved it (13185)

On 03/11/2009 at 8:04pm - misc - by justfat - United States (Arizona)

Today, I just finished having dinner with my boyfriend, so I leaned over to him and said seductively, "How about some dessert?" Obviously, he didn't catch my tone, because he then looked at me and said, "Babe, you really don't need it." FML

#274634
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62829) - you deserved it (8151)

On 03/11/2009 at 5:12pm - misc - by marshmallowssss (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, It took me over 3 hours to cut out little letters for an event I'm putting on. It took the wind less than a second to blow them all over campus. FML

#271855
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43511) - you deserved it (13578)

On 03/11/2009 at 2:22pm - misc - by wotwzombie - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to online to find out why my midterm grade is for my least favorite class Psychology. After weeks upon weeks of studying and doing work for a class I hate I found out that I have a zero in the class. Turns out I've been going to the wrong psychology class all semester. FML

#271677
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34822) - you deserved it (57778)

On 03/11/2009 at 2:07pm - misc - by absentminded (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my roommate got mad at me for putting away the tampons that were sitting on her desk. She rebelled by hanging hundreds of tampons dyed red from every surface in our dorm room. I discovered this while giving my mom her first tour of the place. FML

#269325
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50590) - you deserved it (4577)

On 03/11/2009 at 9:38am - misc - by powsser (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that the electric nose hair clippers that I've been using for the past two years are in fact my father's pubic hair trimmers. FML

#268093
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57016) - you deserved it (14414)

On 03/11/2009 at 2:07am - misc - by nickyniknaim93 (woman) - United States (Washington)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

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Thursday 10 April 2014

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