Today, I found a bone in my sandwich. It was a veggie burger. FML

by veggiegal / 02/13/2009 at 9:45am / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was expelled from school. By my own mother. FML

by Kulcha / 02/13/2009 at 6:07am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my mom how much she had set aside for college. She then looked and me as if I were crazy and said "Why the hell would I do anything like that?" FML

by Dariya / 02/12/2009 at 11:25pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my mom I was excited my boobs were getting bigger. She told me that that's what happens when you get fat. FML

by yerface / 02/12/2009 at 10:52pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was complaining to my sister about how jealous I was of her looks. Her response was "Sometimes it's okay to be the ugly sister. Like, you have less of a chance of getting raped." FML

by Duckie W / 02/12/2009 at 8:24pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was sitting at home, venting to my parents about how I never get asked out by any of the guys at school. My Dad's words of wisdom were, "Don't worry, looks don't matter so much in college. Once they've had a few beers in them, they'll date anything." FML

by cdaniel2 / 02/12/2009 at 12:15pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my teacher writes descriptions next to people's names on the register to remind him who people were. By mistake the descriptions appeared on the computer projector. Next to my name it said "Tubby". FML

by atterz123 / 02/12/2009 at 8:37am / United Kingdom (Lincolnshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I shook hands with a girl and held onto her hand while telling her she had very tiny, delicate hands. When I let go to look at them, I discovered she only had two fingers. FML

by KWM / 02/12/2009 at 8:28am / United States (West Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I lit a cigarette in the opposite direction of the wind. My hair blew into it, and caught on fire. FML

by a genius / 02/12/2009 at 8:28am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML

by sober / 02/11/2009 at 9:09pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found my daughter on Facebook after years of looking for her after the divorce. It turns out it was my ex pretending to be my daughter so she could track me down. FML

by toad / 02/11/2009 at 9:06pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom asked me if I had an eating problem because I've been eating less. I only started eating less because she told me I ate too much. FML

by hungry / 02/11/2009 at 7:06pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my mom, "I love you". She responded with, "What? I never told you I loved you." FML

by chee / 02/11/2009 at 6:57pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous