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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was pulled over for speeding. When the police officer approached me and asked for license and registration, I accidentally gave him my fake I.D. FML

#1694446
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16636) - you deserved it (126723)

On 05/06/2009 at 4:05pm - misc - by FakeID (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I had some pretty bad stomach pain, so I went to the bathroom. After a few minutes, two girls walked in, taking stalls next to me. That's when my farts began to get very large and explosive. Not only did they break into laughter, they waited for me to come out. FML

#1693218
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71264) - you deserved it (4631)

On 05/06/2009 at 3:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while driving home I had to pee really bad. I decided to speed to get home quicker. I got pulled over for speeding and peed my pants. The cop, assuming I was drunk, made me take a sobriety test. I had to walk a straight line with piss all over my pants at 2:00 in the afternoon. FML

#1692972
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55491) - you deserved it (11144)

On 05/06/2009 at 3:11pm - misc - by jojo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 3 year old nephew was sitting on my knee at the computer. He was annoying me as he kept on pressing all the buttons. To scare him off I did a creepy voice in his ear that makes him cry. He turned round and broke my nose. FML

#1690267
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14401) - you deserved it (77009)

On 05/06/2009 at 1:04pm - misc - by ElamentalAngel - United Kingdom

Today, I was excited about my friend going wedding dress shopping. Before I went to go work out, I decided to try on a prom dress from high school to remember what it felt like to get dressed up. It was too tight, I broke the zipper, and spent 45 minutes trapped before I cut myself out. FML

#1688328
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18407) - you deserved it (37232)

On 05/06/2009 at 11:04am - misc - by Fatty (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got my hair dyed at a fancy salon. While the stylist was pulling out the foils in my hair I sat up and started screaming in pain because the hot foils were burning my scalp. All she said was "oh, you're fine". I went back home to find an oozing burn wound on my scalp. FML

#1685097
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59327) - you deserved it (3755)

On 05/06/2009 at 4:57am - misc - by random (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was ordering some clothes from Abercrombie online and I went to measure my bust to check what size I am in American. I got my measurement, checked what size it would be and the size of my bust was not even listed on the website. Great. Now even Abercrombie thinks I have small tits. FML

#1684476
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46843) - you deserved it (8400)

On 05/06/2009 at 3:40am - misc - by frankie034 (woman) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, was my first meeting with business partners as I am new to the team. Instead of saying that I was looking forward to "stretching my legs" or "spreading my wings", I told them I was anxious to start "spreading my legs". FML

#1683242
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57347) - you deserved it (19968)

On 05/06/2009 at 2:04am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was running late for work. To save time, I grabbed my belt on my way out the door and was putting it on in the elevator, which stopped at the next floor before I had put my belt all the way on. A hot girl stepped into the elevator, looked at my undone belt, screamed "Ew" and got off. FML

#1679798
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38506) - you deserved it (9597)

On 05/05/2009 at 10:40pm - misc - by soldier (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my grandparents are in town for the weekend and are staying in our guest bedroom. This morning I went upstairs to get a drink of water only to see my 75 year old grandfather standing stark naked with the fridge door open. He then asks me if we have any coffee creamer. FML

#1678195
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43768) - you deserved it (2427)

On 05/05/2009 at 9:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, as I finished putting self tanner on my legs, the phone rang. Telemarketer. After returning to the bathroom I put moisturizer on my face. As I looked in the mirror, I soon realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands. My face is now streaky orange. FML

#1675057
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11085) - you deserved it (46068)

On 05/05/2009 at 8:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I pissed my younger brother off. Seemingly unrelated to this was the fact that I left my laptop on in my room along with MSN signed into my email adress. Now, all my contacts know that I apparently "just love the warm feeling of semen sliding down my throat". FML

#1667670
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43705) - you deserved it (30641)

On 05/05/2009 at 5:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I walked outside to get the newspaper and slipped on the icy driveway. Because I was wearing boxers and a robe, my legs got all scraped up. After much cursing, I got the paper and went inside. The headline read "Caution: Icy Conditions". FML

#1665462
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46367) - you deserved it (8330)

On 05/05/2009 at 4:39pm - misc - by qwerty (man) - United States (New Jersey)



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