Today, I went to get my midterm essay grade thinking I couldn't have made lower than a B. Got to class and my douchebag professor gave me an F. He wrote "Best essay I read, would've been an A if it was the right topic." I wrote on the Industrial Revolution, instead of the Scientific Revolution. FML

by Bamamomma01 / 03/13/2009 at 2:08pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was talking to my grandmother, who was lying down on the couch under a blanket watching TV. As I was leaving, I said "See you later Nana," and patted her on the shoulder. Her shoulder was soft, and moved more than I expected. It was her boob. I felt up my grandma. FML

by Noname / 03/13/2009 at 11:49am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found an obituary clipping on my kitchen table. It was for my grandpa. No one told me he died. FML

by depresso / 03/13/2009 at 1:30am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, when I was shaving , I wanted to see what I looked like with a Hitler 'tache. Since I was shaving anyway I just left that part and figured I'd shave it later. Well I was goose stepping around my room for awhile and then forgot about it. I ran into my girlfriend's parents later that day. FML

by Noname / 03/13/2009 at 1:03am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was using the elliptical when I got a bad wedgie. All the ellipticals are up against a wall so after trying to pick it I finally decided to just pull down the back of my pants and underwear. I then remembered there was a window to a yoga class behind me. I mooned them all. FML

by MikeyPeters / 03/13/2009 at 12:26am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friends and I were drinking boba. On the side of the cup it said "Please drink carefully to avoid choking on the Boba". I started to laugh at the ridiculousness of the label, and choked on the boba in a coughing fit. FML

by Noname / 03/13/2009 at 12:24am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went over to my uncle's house for dinner and my stomach hurt really bad. I noticed there were two toilets and sat in the prettier one and took a huge dump. Turns out I'd chosen the brand new toilet that wasn't connected to anything yet. FML

by Noname / 03/12/2009 at 3:56pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was woken up by the sound of power tools at 6:30am. I stuck my head out my window and yelled at them to shut up. They didn't stop. I walked out the front door to find the bastard. It was firemen. They were sawing down the door of my neighbour's burning house. FML

Today, I turned 22, without anyone wishing me a happy birthday. In fact, the only phone call I received all day was from my brother. He wanted to borrow money. FML

by Ondskansgris / 03/12/2009 at 5:59am / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I fell asleep in the car on a 10+ hour trip with my family as soon as we got on the highway. When I woke up an hour later, I realized I'd had a wet dream. I had to sit next to my grandma with semen all over my thighs and boxers for the rest of the trip. FML

by MoneyMike / 03/11/2009 at 8:30pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was standing on a balcony smoking a cigarette when I noticed a woman giving me strange looks. When I put the cigarette out and went to walk inside she said "You shouldn't smoke while you're pregnant." I'm not pregnant. FML

by justfat / 03/11/2009 at 8:04pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, It took me over 3 hours to cut out little letters for an event I'm putting on. It took the wind less than a second to blow them all over campus. FML

by wotwzombie / 03/11/2009 at 2:22pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to online to find out why my midterm grade is for my least favorite class Psychology. After weeks upon weeks of studying and doing work for a class I hate I found out that I have a zero in the class. Turns out I've been going to the wrong psychology class all semester. FML

by absentminded / 03/11/2009 at 2:07pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous