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Man or woman?

Today, I cleaned mah house after a big party. Everything was great when mah parent came home. Except for the bottle of hot and spicy mustard next to the shampoo in the shower. No one knows how it got there. I'm busted because of mustard. FML

#4155760
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11695) - you deserved it (37667)

On 07/30/2009 at 6:38am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, me and mah girls went to get revenge on a girlho slept with mah boyfriend by egging her house. Her house was too far away so we decided to get her truck. We wasted a carton of eggs on her driveway because we all have terrible aim and look incredibly stupid 4 missing so bad. FML

#4155445
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6705) - you deserved it (57254)

On 07/30/2009 at 6:01am - misc - by bit - United States (Florida) - moderated by the Jackass crew

TODAY, MY CELL PHONE WAS STOLEN. I WORK IN A MORGUE. BY MYSELF. OBVIOUSLY IT WASN'T STOLEN BY ANY OF THOSE PEOPLE. FML

#4154850
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38256) - you deserved it (3815)

On 07/30/2009 at 4:58am - misc - by emily (woman) - United States (New York) - moderated by the Jackass crew

TODAY, I BOUGHT A COOL NEW PAIR OF SUNGLASSES . I WORE THEM TODAY, AND ALL DAY I KEPT GETTING COMMENTS ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOOKED LIKE OZZY OSBOURNE AND JOHN LENNON . I'M A GIRL . FML

#4152950
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30803) - you deserved it (12380)

On 07/30/2009 at 2:51am - misc - by poop_mcqueen (woman) - United States - moderated by the Jackass crew

I was running on a soccer field an accidentally droppd mah gum from mah mouth . No one had noticd so I pickd it up an startd chewing again . It was a different flavor . FML

#4151935
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8218) - you deserved it (81383)

On 07/30/2009 at 1:56am - misc - by FGum (man) - United States (New York) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I went into my part-time job at a drugstore!! We always ave one item we try and sell to every customer!! For te next week I ave to ask every person if tey would like to try my nuts!! big fat FML

#4147298
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38284) - you deserved it (4097)

On 07/29/2009 at 11:17pm - misc - by arsenic660 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

was grandmoter's funeral and we ad to sing. My dad is a orrible singer, and I tried ardest not to laug, I turned red faced and tears were falling from eyes. My step moter eld and and said tat se was in a better place. I couldn't old it any longer. I lauged ass off. FML

#4144889
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19797) - you deserved it (48198)

On 07/29/2009 at 9:44pm - misc - by shewholaughsatthedead (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today... I was short shifted at work because one of mah employee's decided not to show up. Furious... I wrote her up and made predetermined judgments about her. When she came in... I went off on her for being absent and leaving me stuck. She then informed me her mom tried to commit suicide. FML

#4142083
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10259) - you deserved it (55213)

On 07/29/2009 at 7:49pm - misc - by Toast514 - Canada (Quebec)

I was at te mall an someone peeked tier ead under te door of my dressing room wile I was alf dressed. Not knowing wo it was, I kicked im in te face just out of instinct. Its was a 4 year old kid looking 4 is moter. FML

#4137553
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52494) - you deserved it (21631)

On 07/29/2009 at 4:26pm - misc - by 4yrldkicker (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at the store with my mother in the facial care section. I found this device that scrubs your face with those anti-bacterial pads. The aisle was crowded and noisy, so I shouted to my mother, "Can I have this vibrator thing?" It went silent. FML

#4127495
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16314) - you deserved it (47232)

On 07/29/2009 at 3:23am - misc - by Nikse (woman) - United States (California)

Today I just found out dad got ramarriad a yaar ago. Ta woman is officially living wit us I got to ava lunc wit ar alona today. I found out sa is only 22 wit a 14 yaar old littla brotar. My dad's 47. I'm 17 now wit a 14 yaar old uncla an a mom tat can pass for looool girlfriand. FML

#4126370
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53105) - you deserved it (2656)

On 07/29/2009 at 2:22am - misc - by Beefballs (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today... I showd by ID to get into a bar an the bouncer kept it because he said it wasn't me. It was. Apparently I've gaind so much wieght I am unrecognizable.

#4125709
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35927) - you deserved it (14308)

On 07/29/2009 at 1:53am - misc - by jcesom - United States (West Virginia)

today I was at a water park with family. They wanted me to stand underneath this big bucket filled with water. I didn't know it tips over, and swimsuit isn't the tightest, so when all the water fell down, swimsuit bottoms fell looool to knees in front of tons of kids. FML

#4122960
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36326) - you deserved it (11398)

On 07/29/2009 at 12:13am - misc - by Bareassed (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)



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