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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I went to a new bar downtown with some friends. I was a little buzzed and had to pee so bad. I rushed into the bathroom and as I sat down I felt a squish on my upper thigh. Turns out the last person in the stall decided to take a shit on the toilet seat. FML

#3173139
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47591) - you deserved it (14181)

On 06/24/2009 at 12:48pm - misc - by feelinnauseous (woman) - United States

Today, I was texting a friend of mine. She mentioned it was her dad's birthday. I typed "Tell him Happy Birthday for me!" and as I pressed send I remember her dad was dead. FML

#3169112
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21387) - you deserved it (42618)

On 06/24/2009 at 8:11am - misc - by blind (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, my friend decided to come clean to his parents about his pot usage. He told them that he did it with me on many occasions. His parents decided it would be the right thing to call my parents. Thanks a lot asshole. FML

#3165947
410 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26730) - you deserved it (60205)

On 06/24/2009 at 2:44am - misc - by jerk (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got an invitation in the mail for my dad's third wedding. My first name was misspelled on the envelope. FML

#3165939
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47022) - you deserved it (2346)

On 06/24/2009 at 2:44am - misc - by silkworm (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was working Customer Service at Wal Mart. An elderly lady came to my register to return a pair of white pants. I asked her what was wrong with them and she replied "even when I had underwear on you could still see my pubic hair." The pants had hair on them. FML

#3164567
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54119) - you deserved it (2803)

On 06/24/2009 at 1:41am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was sitting next to this cute guy on an airplane who I had started talking to. There was still an empty seat between us and it seemed like there weren't any more passengers boarding the plane. I then asked out loud, "I wonder if anyone will sit between us?" He replied "I hope so." FML

#3163713
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41653) - you deserved it (10989)

On 06/24/2009 at 1:10am - misc - by Nutty (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was talking to this girl who I thought was really nice, we were having an amazing conversation, and as we stared deeply in one another's eyes she asked me "Has anyone ever seen you take a shit?". She then began telling me the story of when someone watched her. FML

#3154627
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44186) - you deserved it (3406)

On 06/23/2009 at 8:08pm - misc - by Jpah (man) - United States (California)

Today, my car was impounded because I never registered it in California after moving here. In order to get it back, I need to register it. In order to register it, I need to pass a CA smog check. In order to pass the smog check, I need my car. FML

#3153262
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51794) - you deserved it (12849)

On 06/23/2009 at 7:05pm - misc - by nicklesg (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at a gas station and I went to the bathroom. Thinking some was already in the bathroom, I waited for ten minutes while people lined up behind me only to find out that it was empty. FML

#3152991
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9928) - you deserved it (46737)

On 06/23/2009 at 6:52pm - misc - by cmac1229 - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, at the bank, I went to get some coffee from their machine. I gave it my money and pressed the buttons but nothing was happening. After banging on the machine for ten minutes and calling a teller over, a little boy reached up on his tippy toes to press the giant green START button for me. FML

#3145872
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8460) - you deserved it (56796)

On 06/23/2009 at 1:37pm - misc - by Tygastyle (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, It took me more than 4 hours to set up the back yard for my daughters baby shower. It only took my husband one push of a button to turn on the sprinklers. FML

#3143801
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43231) - you deserved it (3359)

On 06/23/2009 at 11:47am - misc - by stew (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I ran into an old student of mine at the grocery store. She didn't recognize me at first so I introduced myself as her old teacher. She looked taken aback for a moment, and then said, "Oh my God... you're still alive?" FML

#3141332
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52959) - you deserved it (3957)

On 06/23/2009 at 7:31am - misc - by feelinblue (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my mom went to a psychic. The reason? She has convinced herself that I'm gay, even though I've told her that I'm not and never have been. The psychic disagreed. Apparently, I'm bicurious with one of my guy friends. Guess who my mom believes? FML

#3137659
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52397) - you deserved it (3209)

On 06/23/2009 at 1:28am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)



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