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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I thought I could stay on the phone and go to the bathroom without him noticing. My mom knocks on the door and without even thinking, I yelled "I'M ON THE TOILET!" He said "ew.." FML

#2086057
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9987) - you deserved it (68771)

On 05/19/2009 at 5:51pm - misc - by June (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while I was on my laptop, I decided to take a nap. Little did I know that my leg was covering up the cool air intake underneath the machine. I woke up an hour later with a first degree burn on my thigh. From a laptop. FML

#2080741
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20415) - you deserved it (40725)

On 05/19/2009 at 2:49pm - misc - by laptopsRus (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was flying back home from college with my Mom. At the airport, the ticket agent tells us she only has one ticket listed for Margaret. My mom and I have the same name. American Airlines thought a Margaret had bought two tickets by mistake, so they cancelled one of the transactions. FML

#2077827
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63506) - you deserved it (4005)

On 05/19/2009 at 11:50am - misc - by Margaret (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was trying to remove a temporary tattoo my friend put on my cheek. When warm water and soap didn't work, I tried something else. Just so you know, Mr. Clean Magic Erasers do not, in fact, work by magic. Tell that to the massive chemical burn covering half my face. FML

#2076709
309 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15470) - you deserved it (86759)

On 05/19/2009 at 10:19am - misc - by morningeyes (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I met up with a guy from a local dating site for coffee. He walked up, looked me over and said "Ummm, no", then walked off. FML

#2074546
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62385) - you deserved it (7943)

On 05/19/2009 at 6:13am - misc - by notnerb - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, on the way to an exam I saw a car accident happen. I stopped, helped the woman who was injured and waited for the paramedics. I was too late at school, the teacher didn't buy my excuse and I failed the exam. It was an examination of my first aid skills. FML

#2074283
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70558) - you deserved it (3772)

On 05/19/2009 at 5:21am - misc - by Sam (man) - Belgium (Oost-Vlaanderen)

Today, I was in my Cosmetic Application class, and we were about to apply foundation to our models. I walk over to my friend and say "Wow, that foundation is really orange and blotchy." Then the model turns to me and says "Actually, we haven't started yet... that's just my skin." FML

#2073972
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13248) - you deserved it (52784)

On 05/19/2009 at 4:40am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was driving in my very own car that I bought and paid for myself, when I stopped at a stop light. Then I noticed the truck in front of me turn on his reverse lights. I honked desperately. He hits me, looks out the window and says "I see no damage" and drives away. FML

#2072486
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55785) - you deserved it (3208)

On 05/19/2009 at 2:19am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was feeling rebellious, I decided to procrastinate instead of studying for my really important English test tomorrow. I was having a pretty good time until I realized my idea of procrastinating was cleaning my TI-83 graphing calculator with rubbing alcohol and Q-tips. FML

#2069131
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18086) - you deserved it (48045)

On 05/19/2009 at 12:08am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I waved at a cute guy when I was leaving Wendy's. I then ran into a curb, spilled my frosty, and hit my head on the steering wheel. I turned around and both the cute guy and his dad were in hysterics. FML

#2065016
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13368) - you deserved it (38806)

On 05/18/2009 at 10:07pm - misc - by lulabell (woman) - United States

Today, I'm on vacation. I spent $4000 to surprise my boyfriend on a trip to Hawaii. We have been together over a year. Turns out, he hates the outdoors. He's mad at me for bringing him here and is upset at everything. He's in the room reading, I'm at the bar drinking $10 Mai Tai's. FML

#2062305
340 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50208) - you deserved it (15571)

On 05/18/2009 at 9:11pm - misc - by Fubar0906 (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML

#2059220
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70794) - you deserved it (3128)

On 05/18/2009 at 8:04pm - misc - by emoney (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I noticed my parents replaced my senior picture that hung on our livingroom wall with a painted one. Of our German Sheperd. FML

#2057571
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41961) - you deserved it (3052)

On 05/18/2009 at 7:20pm - misc - by trgtyo (woman) - United States (New York)



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