Today, I was at a gas station and I went to the bathroom. Thinking some was already in the bathroom, I waited for ten minutes while people lined up behind me only to find out that it was empty. FML

by cmac1229 / 06/23/2009 at 6:52pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, at the bank, I went to get some coffee from their machine. I gave it my money and pressed the buttons but nothing was happening. After banging on the machine for ten minutes and calling a teller over, a little boy reached up on his tippy toes to press the giant green START button for me. FML

by Tygastyle / 06/23/2009 at 1:37pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, It took me more than 4 hours to set up the back yard for my daughters baby shower. It only took my husband one push of a button to turn on the sprinklers. FML

by stew / 06/23/2009 at 11:47am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I ran into an old student of mine at the grocery store. She didn't recognize me at first so I introduced myself as her old teacher. She looked taken aback for a moment, and then said, "Oh my God... you're still alive?" FML

by feelinblue / 06/23/2009 at 7:31am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom went to a psychic. The reason? She has convinced herself that I'm gay, even though I've told her that I'm not and never have been. The psychic disagreed. Apparently, I'm bicurious with one of my guy friends. Guess who my mom believes? FML

by Anonymous / 06/23/2009 at 1:28am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was looking through my high school yearbook. I found a picture of myself and a couple of my friends at our senior prom. The caption gave the names of all my friends, their dates who didn't attend our school, and listed me only as "guest." FML

by highschoolnobody / 06/22/2009 at 10:28pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked into my house to find several of my friends there for a surprise sweet sixteen party my mom was throwing for me. Everything was going great until the doorbell rang and a clown walked in. My mom hired a clown for my sweet sixteen. My friends took pictures. FML

by sweetsixteen / 06/22/2009 at 2:23pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, McDonalds charged me 21 cents for a honey mustard packet. The jerk manager made me break a $50 bill. So I grabbed all their napkins, carried them into the parking lot and tossed them all into the air in protest and drove off. Down the road, I realized I left my wallet at the counter. FML

by Jesse / 06/22/2009 at 12:18pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I took a late night drive, and after a while he stopped at a gas station and asked if I wanted anything I replied "guess". He came out and gave me a box of tampons. Apparently I've been bitchy. FML

by tamp / 06/22/2009 at 3:47am / United States (Montana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my dad I couldn't make the trip to see him this weekend because I had to work. I surprised him by driving ten hours, and while he was out, I let myself in with my key and hid behind the couch for when he came in. He walked in. I jumped out. I then had to call 911. FML

by FathersDay / 06/22/2009 at 1:27am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend called me and I told him about the AnimeCon I'm attending, and that I wanted to go as Sailor Mars, he told me he had no idea what that was. After being mad for about ten minutes, I realized that I wanted to break up with him over not knowing what Sailor Moon was. FML

by Anonymous / 06/22/2009 at 12:35am / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent an hour writing 80 thank you cards to everyone who attended my graduationg party. After carefully personalizing each one and sealing them shut, I realized I did not mark the envelopes with names. FML

by Anonymous / 06/22/2009 at 12:10am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was down at Disney World. Me and my buddy decided to take our pictures in a photobooth. While in the tiny space, I thought it'd be funny to flash the camera. A women barged in as soon as I did so, screaming "You know there's an outside video feed, right!?" FML

by TheFlash / 06/21/2009 at 9:15pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous