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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I spent two hours making dinner for my boyfriend's family. When I brought it over to their house they said "thanks" and didn't bother to invite me to stay to eat it. FML

#2111941
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52797) - you deserved it (3953)

On 05/20/2009 at 1:36pm - misc - by dole_out_the_fml (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I decided to go tanning. I went outside and took my top off and laid out in the sun for about an hour. When I was about to go inside a phone rang. It belonged to one of the five men that were working on my roof and watching me the entire time. FML

#2111362
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10924) - you deserved it (67253)

On 05/20/2009 at 12:54pm - misc - by fihifgni210 - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to go take swimming lessons because my mom has a fear I'll drown and I'm totally afraid of swimming anyway and never get anywhere near water. My instructor? A high school classmate of mine. My fellow swimming classmates? 5 and 6 year old kids. FML

#2110420
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50408) - you deserved it (9129)

On 05/20/2009 at 11:45am - misc - by Cantswim (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to my girlfriend's Catholic all girls high school to ask her to prom by decorating her car. As soon as I walked on campus the school went into lock down because of a "suspicious male intruder." When I saw my girlfriend, she denied knowing me. I was arrested. FML

#2109937
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69680) - you deserved it (6505)

On 05/20/2009 at 11:11am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, after a long night of cramming for an extensive Anatomy final (detailed diagrams included), I check the senior final schedule to find that Anatomy is not till tomorrow, but I take Calculus in 10 minutes. This is followed by an e-mail from my teacher saying I can exempt Anatomy. FML

#2108783
100 comments

Today, I got pulled over for speeding and got a $200 ticket. After I pulled away, I decided to warn the next car about the cop up ahead by flashing my headlights. The next car was another cop. He didn't appreciate my "help". FML

#2105254
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35296) - you deserved it (22171)

On 05/20/2009 at 2:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was riding the bus home from school. I was sitting by myself, and my backpack was occupying the seat next to me. A hot girl boarded the bus, and was standing right where I was sitting. I placed my backpack on my lap, freeing up the seat. The girl stood the entire bus ride. FML

#2100756
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42606) - you deserved it (5697)

On 05/19/2009 at 11:31pm - misc - by EricCartman (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I thought I could stay on the phone and go to the bathroom without him noticing. My mom knocks on the door and without even thinking, I yelled "I'M ON THE TOILET!" He said "ew.." FML

#2086057
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9978) - you deserved it (68728)

On 05/19/2009 at 5:51pm - misc - by June (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while I was on my laptop, I decided to take a nap. Little did I know that my leg was covering up the cool air intake underneath the machine. I woke up an hour later with a first degree burn on my thigh. From a laptop. FML

#2080741
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20391) - you deserved it (40695)

On 05/19/2009 at 2:49pm - misc - by laptopsRus (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was flying back home from college with my Mom. At the airport, the ticket agent tells us she only has one ticket listed for Margaret. My mom and I have the same name. American Airlines thought a Margaret had bought two tickets by mistake, so they cancelled one of the transactions. FML

#2077827
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63451) - you deserved it (4002)

On 05/19/2009 at 11:50am - misc - by Margaret (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was trying to remove a temporary tattoo my friend put on my cheek. When warm water and soap didn't work, I tried something else. Just so you know, Mr. Clean Magic Erasers do not, in fact, work by magic. Tell that to the massive chemical burn covering half my face. FML

#2076709
309 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15442) - you deserved it (86677)

On 05/19/2009 at 10:19am - misc - by morningeyes (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I met up with a guy from a local dating site for coffee. He walked up, looked me over and said "Ummm, no", then walked off. FML

#2074546
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62307) - you deserved it (7939)

On 05/19/2009 at 6:13am - misc - by notnerb - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, on the way to an exam I saw a car accident happen. I stopped, helped the woman who was injured and waited for the paramedics. I was too late at school, the teacher didn't buy my excuse and I failed the exam. It was an examination of my first aid skills. FML

#2074283
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70428) - you deserved it (3763)

On 05/19/2009 at 5:21am - misc - by Sam (man) - Belgium (Oost-Vlaanderen)



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