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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my wife and I were out with another couple we're friends with. When we went back to their house we looked at old pictures. They showed us a great picture, and I said "It would've been a lot better if that fat chick didn't ruin it in the background." It was the woman from the couple. FML

#2991081
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7783) - you deserved it (58002)

On 06/18/2009 at 9:33am - misc - by stelno - United States (Michigan)

Today, I decided to use fake tan, seeing as I am so pale. Everywhere I have been today, I have had children behind me. Singing the Oompa Loompa song. FML

#2991073
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13791) - you deserved it (57292)

On 06/18/2009 at 9:32am - misc - by OompaLoompa (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, we were having a school prize giving. I heard my name called and I walked up to the stage waving and smiling, feeling rather proud of myself. I stood by the microphone and started my acceptance speech, only to be tapped on the shoulder by the girl they actually called up. FML

#2990758
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20121) - you deserved it (42669)

On 06/18/2009 at 9:05am - misc - by Jessey (woman) - United Kingdom (Swindon)

Today, I was installing the official 3.0 firmware update for my iPhone. Apple's authentication servers crashed. I now own an iBrick. FML

#2990755
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45315) - you deserved it (8173)

On 06/18/2009 at 9:05am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was at the mall with some friends. In the food court we passed by this creepy pervert feeling up a woman. I take a closer look and realize with horror that the guy is my dad in sunglasses and a hat. The lady he was with was not my mom. FML

#2984635
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79940) - you deserved it (3098)

On 06/18/2009 at 1:26am - misc - by traumatized (woman) - United States

Today, I was on a very crowded bus, standing near the back door. People had to get off at the stop, and being near the door, I had to step off the bus, allowing the people to exit. I was about to enter back into the bus, the door closed and the bus driver took off, leaving me stranded. FML

#2984203
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38349) - you deserved it (5318)

On 06/18/2009 at 1:10am - misc - by coco (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was hanging out with a friend at IHOP. When I left, a middle aged man in the parking lot offered me $100 to sleep with him in the dumpsters behind the building. That is the first time I've been hit on in months. FML

#2976361
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41061) - you deserved it (3562)

On 06/17/2009 at 8:24pm - misc - by Pancakegirl - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went commando because its 98 degrees and sweaty boxers are a pain. While walking to class at UT I heard a girl laugh behind me, I turned and flashed a quick smile and kept walking. It turns out I had sweat through my khakis and she totally could see my crack. Texas weather sucks. FML

#2968548
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17260) - you deserved it (44251)

On 06/17/2009 at 1:44pm - misc - by Longhorn2011 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my friend told me that he was having a scrabble tournament at his house with a bunch of our friends. I told my dad about the tournament and he gave me a special scrabble dictionary to bring. Hesitantly, I brought the dictionary and as I walked in everyone was playing beer pong. FML

#2968002
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34692) - you deserved it (11669)

On 06/17/2009 at 1:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was at McDonald's and I was going through the drive-thru. As I was driving away, I checked my food and the lady had given me a Night at the Museum Happy Meal toy by mistake. I got so excited that I crashed the car into a pole. I'm 36. FML

#2966896
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27954) - you deserved it (64482)

On 06/17/2009 at 12:35pm - misc - by NotSoYoung (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I walked past a building site near my house, there was a sign saying "WARNING - Beware of the scaffolding". I started laughing at the stupidity of the sign, and walked straight into a metal pole. FML

#2963436
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6870) - you deserved it (53443)

On 06/17/2009 at 9:40am - misc - by jonnyc - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I decided I had gathered enough solid evidence to justify dumping my cheating girlfriend. When I turned up, she broke up with me before I had a chance to confront her. Why? Apparently I have trust issues. FML

#2963101
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35016) - you deserved it (7722)

On 06/17/2009 at 9:03am - misc - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Waikato)

Today, my wife took herself, the kids, and extended family members I've never even heard of to New York. She paid the 7,000$ bill with my credit card. FML

#2959965
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42112) - you deserved it (4143)

On 06/17/2009 at 2:00am - misc - by rileym797 - United States (Florida)



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