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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I decided to make pancakes from scratch. I poured the batter in my Perfect Pancake pan. Then I told my brother who was watching, "This is so easy. Just watch." I burned 15 pancakes, including the one I dropped on the burner, which lit on fire, causing the alarm to go off. FML

#3205339
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10079) - you deserved it (48324)

On 06/25/2009 at 3:22pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I found my long lost diary and curiously read it. What's worse than finding out that your mother read your diary? Finding out that your mother wrote comments in it. FML

#3205233
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60973) - you deserved it (3649)

On 06/25/2009 at 3:15pm - misc - by Emptyspace (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was parking my car outside of my apartment, but the big truck next to the spot went over the line. I squeezed in anyway. Later, I discovered the truck had left and someone keyed my car. They left a note saying, "Good parking job, asshole." FML

#3203047
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37635) - you deserved it (6530)

On 06/25/2009 at 11:37am - misc - by mickstinator - United States (Texas)

Today, I was awoken by my son squirting liquid on me from a bottle. We have a high deer population in our area, so I spray urine contained in black bottle on my plants to help deter the deer from eating them. I also water my flowers with water from a blue bottle. My son used the black one. FML

#3200106
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32296) - you deserved it (7371)

On 06/25/2009 at 6:17am - misc - by GoldenShower (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, after finishing work, my friend was having a party next door and my driveway was blocked. I parked 6 houses down and went to the party for 20mins. After coming out after 3 beers, I went to move my car back to my house and go to sleep. I got a DUI for driving 30 feet. FML

#3199012
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15580) - you deserved it (50437)

On 06/25/2009 at 4:05am - misc - by Noj12345 (man) - United States (California)

Today, was my first day back at work since my wife got breast cancer. I come in and see some people with pink slips and frowns. When I get to my desk I find a pink slip, I go up to my boss and start to curse him out for firing me. Only to find out my pink slip was a fundraiser for my wife. FML

#3198291
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10968) - you deserved it (54431)

On 06/25/2009 at 3:20am - misc - by YahItsMe94 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to the movies. After it was over I got up and noticed a designer purse sitting on the ground in the back row. I opened it to look for anything that could give me a address so I could return it. The owner came back, assumed I was robbing her, and punched me in the nose. FML

#3196366
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38817) - you deserved it (5652)

On 06/25/2009 at 2:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while at football practice, my teammates and I were on water break. At the bus barn next to the field, a good-looking girl was washing a bus. Some of the guys started to yell pick-up lines at her from 50 yards away, and pretty soon I chime in. She turns around. It was my younger sister. FML

#3194809
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13545) - you deserved it (65326)

On 06/25/2009 at 1:02am - misc - by nail714 (man) - United States

Today, I took my best friend out to dinner for my birthday. She gave me a gift after I paid the tab saying, "my mom thought you would like this - it was expensive." It was a lovely set of origami paper, which was the exact set I brought her as a souvenir from Japan. She was right, it was expensive. FML

#3189875
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39394) - you deserved it (2329)

On 06/24/2009 at 10:38pm - misc - by unappreciated (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was visiting my friend's new house and he was showing me around. I saw a small door in the wall and decided to open it. When I opened it, his daughter was hiding in there and screamed to scare me. Now I know my scream is more high pitched than his daughter's. I'm a 37 year old male. FML

#3188725
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30444) - you deserved it (6546)

On 06/24/2009 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I am currently grounded for three weeks, have no car, cell phone, or television privileges, and am not allowed to spend more than 10 minutes on the computer a day. The reason why: I was seven minutes past my 9'oclock curfew. I'm 18. FML

#3180871
443 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77987) - you deserved it (11854)

On 06/24/2009 at 5:34pm - misc - by creeped_out_ - United States (Kansas)

Today, I went to a new bar downtown with some friends. I was a little buzzed and had to pee so bad. I rushed into the bathroom and as I sat down I felt a squish on my upper thigh. Turns out the last person in the stall decided to take a shit on the toilet seat. FML

#3173139
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47510) - you deserved it (14158)

On 06/24/2009 at 12:48pm - misc - by feelinnauseous (woman) - United States



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