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Today, while talking on the phone with my long distance boyfriend, he let me know that he was getting married in August to "some girl" for his papers. After I objected he told me, "well you can marry me if you want." I'm not sure if I just got dumped or proposed to. FML

#3804007
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45231) - you deserved it (5218)

On 07/16/2009 at 2:46pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my parents are freaking at me because I just got my report and I failed my first year of college. They told me they have never been more disappointed in me. I have to tell them that I'm also pregnant. FML

#3800582
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21736) - you deserved it (93541)

On 07/16/2009 at 12:25pm - misc - by failure - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)

Today, I was on webcam with my boyfriend. A while later I forgot about it and started digging my nose vigorously. He then beeped me and said "Digging for gold, dear? " FML

#3799208
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9518) - you deserved it (54253)

On 07/16/2009 at 11:09am - misc - by carmelita (woman) - Singapore

Today, my friend awoke me because I was talking in my sleep. When I asked her what I was talking about she replied with, "Let's just say you were having tea with the Queen of England. And a duck. You're really good at quacking." FML

#3799026
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36553) - you deserved it (4779)

On 07/16/2009 at 10:59am - misc - by MadMax (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I learned that when you flush the toilet, the contents do not disappear into oblivion. They show up in your basement when your sewer backs up. And they come in greater numbers. FML

Today, my friend gave me a fortune cookie that said, "Don't be saddened by an upcoming event". Three hours later my girlfriend broke up with me because she said I was too superstitious. FML

#3793812
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40253) - you deserved it (5777)

On 07/16/2009 at 3:08am - misc - by joking0303 (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my friend put a bunch of cheetos all over me at the beach while I was taking a nap. Next thing I know I'm being woken up by a bunch of seagulls attacking me. One pooped in my hair. FML

Today, I was interviewed by this TV crew who asked me what I thought of Rhode Island being voted for the second most neurotic state. I thought they said that Rhode Island was the second most erotic state. I commented. FML

#3790297
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36504) - you deserved it (11628)

On 07/16/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by newsgirl (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my friend got drunk. He always pukes when he gets drunk, but I decided to drive him home anyway. He didn't puke the whole ride. We arrived at his house and he got out. Right as I was about to drive away he stumbled back to my car because he forgot his wallet. He grabbed it and puked on me. FML

#3786711
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39332) - you deserved it (5518)

On 07/15/2009 at 9:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, it dawned on me that I've been married for 6 months, but because of the Army I've spent only around 12 days total with my wife. FML

#3785387
332 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72493) - you deserved it (12151)

On 07/15/2009 at 9:04pm - misc - by broooooock (man) - United States

Today, I took my road test. I'd never had driver's training and my mom taught me how to drive. I failed the test so badly, and when I got home my mom admitted to having taught me how to drive completely wrong because she didn't want me to get my license as she thinks I'm too young. I'm 18. FML

#3784088
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52507) - you deserved it (3951)

On 07/15/2009 at 8:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I got pulled over for the first time. When the officer came up to my window, I immediately burst out into tears due to nervousness. He kept asking me for my licence and registration. Hysterical, I wasn't able to comply. He arrested me for not cooperating. FML

#3783487
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19487) - you deserved it (50200)

On 07/15/2009 at 7:55pm - misc - by daisyann (woman) - United States (Texas)



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