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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I tried to surprise my parents on their first day back from New York with candles I made. I used actual lavender flecks from our garden for the scent in the candles. My plan worked until the lavender caught on fire which then spread to all of our mail and newspapers. Welcome home. FML

#4815295
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29315) - you deserved it (10173)

On 08/25/2009 at 5:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, for karaoke, I sang American Woman by Lenny Kravitz. The entire audience cracked up laughing and at least three people pulled out their cell phones to record my performance. At the end, the DJ said, "Looks like someone had too much tonight." I was completely sober. FML

#4813965
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37468) - you deserved it (10670)

On 08/25/2009 at 4:07pm - misc - by Cossack_Man (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was at the park with my autistic son when I noticed a teenage girl imitating him by flapping her hands and walking on her toes. Fed up with children mocking my son, I went over and sternly lectured the girl's mother. Turns out, her daughter is autistic too and will be in my son's class. FML

#4810321
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40010) - you deserved it (20747)

On 08/25/2009 at 1:03pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, as I got into an elevator, I spotted a little old lady hobbling desperately to get on. I frantically tapped on the 'door open' button but the doors closed. I got dirty looks from the people in the lift, only then did I realise I had frantically tapped the 'door close' button instead. FML

#4805621
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23609) - you deserved it (31079)

On 08/25/2009 at 5:17am - misc - by ElevatorThug (man) - Singapore

Today, I got my first tattoo. It's a large broadsword which runs the length of my spine. I went home to show it off and learned that the hilt on my neck looks just like a penis when the rest of it is covered with my shirt. FML

#4803927
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14122) - you deserved it (58291)

On 08/25/2009 at 2:44am - misc - by damnit (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I found out why my 5 year old son's teacher acts so awkward around me. My son told everyone in his class that I work as a stripper. I'm not a stripper, I work at the strip mall. FML

#4803668
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40179) - you deserved it (2604)

On 08/25/2009 at 2:32am - misc - by Stripperofthemall - United States (California)

Today, I bailed my soon to be ex-husband out of jail after he'd been arrested for soliciting. Soliciting an undercover cop. FML

#4800729
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36351) - you deserved it (6653)

On 08/25/2009 at 12:26am - misc - by singlesoon (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I got my first period. My dad bought me a card and had everyone in my family sign it. FML

#4787214
265 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53017) - you deserved it (4363)

On 08/24/2009 at 3:59pm - misc - by embarassed_chick (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, an old lady came to the bank where I worked at to apply for a loan. She obviously didn't qualify for one as she has no income coming in. She looked so pitiful, so I changed a couple of her information so she could. She reported me and I got fired. FML

#4785631
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20146) - you deserved it (52846)

On 08/24/2009 at 2:38pm - misc - by NoThanks (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, after spending $15,000 to treat my dog's cancer over the past two months, he died of kidney failure. FML

#4784383
339 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53826) - you deserved it (18215)

On 08/24/2009 at 1:33pm - misc - by w-dog (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend and his parents met my family. My grandpa thought it would be funny to walk around with a realistic gun and make references about being in the mafia. The rest of my family went along with it. FML

#4782445
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37696) - you deserved it (4834)

On 08/24/2009 at 11:35am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had a double wedding with my sister. My mother, being as encouraging as she always is, told us that statistics say one of our marriages will end in divorce. She then explained she thinks it'll be mine because I'm 'a self-absorbed bitch'. FML

#4780151
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40008) - you deserved it (8381)

On 08/24/2009 at 7:33am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Romania (Constanta)

Today, for the first time in about 3 years, I decided to clean my car. It was going really well until I looked down at what I was about to pick up. On the back seat floor lay a dead snake, which at one point, for god knows how long, was living in my car while I unknowningly drove it. FML

#4774663
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13498) - you deserved it (42795)

On 08/24/2009 at 12:49am - misc - by snakeboy (man) - Australia (South Australia)



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