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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his family. They were drinking and having fun, so I joined in. I had one too many, got really goofy and then suggested the farting game. "Sorry, I can't hold my liquor!" I quickly explained. My boyfriend's mom shot me a cold look and said, "It's non-alcoholic." FML

#4622066
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10599) - you deserved it (89365)

On 08/18/2009 at 4:04am - misc - by probably_the_ex_now (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I received a text from my girlfriend to break up with me. I was upset. One minute later another text from her said "sorry, wrong person." FML

#4618484
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61466) - you deserved it (3210)

On 08/18/2009 at 1:06am - misc - by Anonymous - Kazakhstan (Almaty)

Today, it was my 21st birthday. All my friends showed up at my house already drunk, so I had to be the designated driver. FML

#4617749
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49361) - you deserved it (3477)

On 08/18/2009 at 12:44am - misc - by thedd (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I asked my friends what NNAS was code for. They have been using this for about a month. After bothering one of them for a few hours, he finally told me. NNAS stands for Nataly Needs A Shower. I'm Nataly. FML

#4617560
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15457) - you deserved it (48398)

On 08/18/2009 at 12:38am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, at work, there was some teenage hoodlums outside in our parking lot. When I tell them to leave, one of the bigger guys steps up and says "I'll kick your ass!". I yell "No balls!", to the teen. He then whips me to the ground and sits on my face, proving to me that he did. FML

Today, I asked my aunt to pluck my eyebrows since hers are perfectly done. What I didn't know is she gets hers professionally shaped and she doesn't know how to shape eyebrows. I now look like a surprised Vulcan. FML

#4606857
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36997) - you deserved it (20853)

On 08/17/2009 at 6:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went to retrieve my sneakers that my wife made me leave outside the door of our hotel room. Somebody had shat in one of them. FML

#4604892
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46099) - you deserved it (6479)

On 08/17/2009 at 4:48pm - misc - by JayBausch (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I ran into a guy that I had gone on a few dates with 3 months ago and slept with him a few times, but then never heard from him again. When he looked at me, I went over and gave him a hug and said "Hey, how are you, Chris?". He hugged me back and said "Hey there cutie, what's your name?". FML

#4603777
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43811) - you deserved it (16941)

On 08/17/2009 at 4:02pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I slept in late and when I woke up, thought I was the only one in the house so I decided to walk around the corner to the only upstairs bathroom naked. My dad also slept in, also thought he was the only one in the house, and also decided to walk to the bathroom naked. We collided. FML

#4596913
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62529) - you deserved it (13731)

On 08/17/2009 at 9:50am - misc - by malebonding (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I borrowed a roommate's car to get groceries. I came out to find the car stolen. I called the cops, and the responding officer took the info and drove me home to give the roomie the bad news in person. 15 minutes later, they found the car. I'd parked it on the opposite side of the lot. FML

#4594476
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7681) - you deserved it (55163)

On 08/17/2009 at 4:42am - misc - by SenescentSouthernBoy (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I noticed my dishwasher wouldn't turn on. After shelling out $120 call-out fee, I was a little miffed when the technician walked in, pressed the 'unlock' function and walked out again. FML

#4594322
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8185) - you deserved it (48673)

On 08/17/2009 at 4:31am - misc - by veevee (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went into my Moms room to look for a t-shirt. I went into her drawer and behind all of her clothes was a cell phone. Not only did I not find the t-shirt, I also found out my Mom is cheating on my Dad with someone from work and now I have to pretend like I don't know. I work there too. FML

#4594193
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50310) - you deserved it (5068)

On 08/17/2009 at 4:21am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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