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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I went to a local take-away and ordered a pizza. I watched the worker get my pizza out the oven, then wipe the pizza cutter on the trash bin to get rid of the last pizza's toppings, and then cut my pizza. FML

#6904447
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31759) - you deserved it (3048)

On 12/23/2009 at 3:24pm - misc - by extraflavour - United Kingdom (York)

Today, I was in the bus on my way home. I was reading a book, and drops of something were getting all over it. It was the man sitting next to me who was asleep and drooling. FML

#6903052
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23588) - you deserved it (2363)

On 12/23/2009 at 1:56pm - misc - by fml_forever32 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got my report card from school. I pulled my grade up in Algebra from a D to an A. My parents told me that they never expected me to accomplish this, and good job but they've already enrolled me in boarding school. So much for all that extra credit and staying late after school to study. FML

#6900701
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31590) - you deserved it (3298)

On 12/23/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by bee (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I drove the six hours to LA to attend my Uncle's birthday party. When I tried to get off at the exit, it took me two hours just to get onto the street where the club was. By the time I showed up, the party was already over, so I ended up going to a Denny's. I drove eight hours for a Denny's. FML

#6898693
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27646) - you deserved it (4517)

On 12/23/2009 at 5:24am - misc - by BeautifulDisastre (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a car was tailgating and honking at me while trying to pass me, so I decided to be a bitch back and go extremely slow. We got to a two lane road and the car passed me up. The man in the front seat flipped me off while pointing to his wife in the back seat who was clearly in labor. FML

#6896852
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12125) - you deserved it (65528)

On 12/23/2009 at 2:15am - misc - by lois2lane (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend wished me a happy birthday. Too bad my birthday isn't for 5 months. She mixed up my birthday with the guy she's been cheating on me with. FML

#6892202
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41065) - you deserved it (2320)

On 12/22/2009 at 9:53pm - misc - by Brian (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I started my job as a waiter. I was excited when my first customer paid for the bill. I go over to the table, half-expecting a tip. I got to the table and no money was on the table. On the bottom receipt was written: "Ever heard of deodorant?" Apparently I smell bad. Thanks for the tip. FML

#6888984
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12222) - you deserved it (28085)

On 12/22/2009 at 7:05pm - misc - by themonkeyman - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was shopping in a packed store when I started to feel faint. Since I was quite far along in the queue, I tried to hold out until I reached the front of the queue. Good news: I succeeded. Bad news: I then fainted at the counter, hit my nose, and shit myself. FML

#6888473
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31653) - you deserved it (4089)

On 12/22/2009 at 6:32pm - misc - by everyonewasstaring (woman) - United Kingdom (Croydon)

Today, in an effort to repair our fake Christmas tree, my girlfriend succeeded in gluing it to the floor. I can't get it loose. FML

#6887897
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25701) - you deserved it (3895)

On 12/22/2009 at 5:53pm - misc - by blumaster04 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I saw a roach on my toilet. I thought it would be funny to pee on it. It jumped out, which scared me; I hit my head on the wall and started bleeding, then I peed all over me and the wall. FML

#6884813
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9513) - you deserved it (45757)

On 12/22/2009 at 2:18pm - misc - by funyfunkid (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I discovered that my bed has a flea infestation. I discovered it after sleeping naked in it for about an hour. FML

#6883824
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27970) - you deserved it (5797)

On 12/22/2009 at 1:02pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I gave my wife her anniversary card. She started to giggle then walked in our bedroom and came back with the exact same card from last year. This is the second time I've done this. FML

#6881233
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10133) - you deserved it (34126)

On 12/22/2009 at 8:03am - misc - by todayJman03 (man) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I finally got my wish of having snow on my birthday. Excited, I failed to realise this meant that no one could come to my party, including myself as we were all snowed out of town. What did I spend my 18th doing? Tidying our house. FML

#6881049
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28328) - you deserved it (3736)

On 12/22/2009 at 7:15am - misc - by JD300 (woman) - United Kingdom



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