Today, I found out I'm balding faster than my dad. I'm 19. FML

by Anonymous / 07/15/2009 at 4:09am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in the gas station and I saw this creepy lady staring at me and smiling. She just didn't stop. I even gave an awkward wave to let her know that I saw her staring at me. Finally I decided to confront the woman, turns out the overly happy woman was a cardboard cut out FML

by Anonymous / 07/15/2009 at 12:20am / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, my sister thought it would be funny to spray my face with my new tanning spray, which is only supposed to be used on arms and legs. I woke up and looked in the mirror to see an orange blotchy face staring back at me. My parents can't look at me without laughing. FML

by blotchy-girl / 07/15/2009 at 12:00am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at my boyfriend's house waiting for him to shower, his mother slams a pair of underwear on the table and tells me that if she ever finds something like that in her son's room again, she is forbidding him from seeing me. The underwear isn't mine. FML

by Anonymous / 07/14/2009 at 8:37pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend's mom pulled me aside and started telling me about how her daughter was extremely depressed and suicidal before she met me, and how happy her family is because of me. I was planning on breaking up with her within the next week. FML

by hungryman / 07/14/2009 at 5:10pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I checked the facebook event page that I had set up for my 21st birthday at an awesome restaurant/bar which I had set up a week ago. Out of 39 invitees, the only person who said yes is my boyfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 07/14/2009 at 2:10pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend watching a movie, my boyfriend then leans in and says: "You know, you're my favourite girlfriend." I then jokingly responded by saying: "You say that like I'm not the only girlfriend you have right now." I hate being right. FML

by dinapar / 07/14/2009 at 10:02am / Canada (Manitoba) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a neon themed party. Standing by the UV light, I looked down and realised my pad was glowing through my tights. FML

by paddy / 07/14/2009 at 8:23am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I came out to my dad. He called me weak minded and said that he has never been more disappointed in me. I didn't come out as gay. I came out as a vegetarian. FML

by pkstarstorm / 07/14/2009 at 2:58am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was having dinner with some friends at an Applebees. I couldn't decide on what I wanted, and after about 10 minutes of me flipping through the menu, our waiter brings over the braille menu complete with gigantic pictures of all the dishes and says "Here, I thought this might help." FML

by CompleteWithPictures / 07/13/2009 at 10:39pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to clean my walls with those Mr Clean Magic Sponges because we were having visitors. I got bored and started drawing penises with it because they would leave wet marks. There is nothing magic about how slow they dry when your visitors come an hour early. They saw all ten of them. FML

by iJehx / 07/13/2009 at 6:18pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I awoke to find a water pipe burst. I frantically ran down to the basement to turn off the water to the house. What I didn't expect when I reached the bottom of the stairs was to have to start dodging the falling, wet ceiling tiles. FML

by jennybrev / 07/13/2009 at 5:27pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while riding on the car with my family, I put on my headphones and pretended to be listening to music and when my parents talked to me, I pretended I couldn't hear them. They took this opportunity to discuss how fat I was and how I can't hold down a boyfriend. They were laughing as well. FML

by Solemnwishing / 07/13/2009 at 2:33pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous