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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I realized that I lie to my friends online and go "offline" for hours at a time so it appears that I have a life outside of the internet. FML

#5942193
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12049) - you deserved it (31613)

On 10/22/2009 at 8:26am - misc - by Kimberly - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to retrieve my stolen wallet from the train station. After I collected it, I returned to the place where I parked my bike to find that my bike had been stolen. FML

#5941980
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32651) - you deserved it (3113)

On 10/22/2009 at 7:29am - misc - by UnluckyTeen (man) - Singapore

Today, this guy who likes me accused me of cutting myself. I asked him what he was talking about, and he said, "Don't lie, I saw those scars on your thighs when we went swimming." I have stretch marks on my inner thighs, and now I have to explain them to him so he doesn't think I cut myself. FML

#5940932
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34522) - you deserved it (2965)

On 10/22/2009 at 3:41am - misc - by tessykins - United States (California)

Today, I was riding the bus home from college. I was standing in the aisle and there was a rather cute girl sitting next to me. The bus came to an abrupt stop, I tripped, and fell into her lap. She shrieked, "Eww! Get off me!" and shove me onto the floor of the bus. Nice to know I'm revolting. FML

#5939502
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27092) - you deserved it (4290)

On 10/22/2009 at 12:57am - misc - by Chris (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was helping a friend redecorate. She had put up some shelving, that we presumed was stable. It broke, and all the expensive vases and collectables fell to the floor. On instinct, I leapt forward to catch the closest thing. It was not the expensive vase. It was a cactus. FML

#5926949
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34466) - you deserved it (4274)

On 10/21/2009 at 9:54am - misc - by TheSublime (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I had my 21st birthday party. My friends told me to have the party even though it had been 5 months since my actual 21st birthday. They asked me why I didn't have one originally and I jokingly told them it was because I didn't think anyone would come. Turned out nobody came after all. FML

#5926430
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30796) - you deserved it (3014)

On 10/21/2009 at 8:15am - misc - by JimmySmoothBeans (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was paintballing when I got shot in the stomach and winded. As I was gasping for breath on the ground, someone came up and shot me point blank in my crotch. FML

#5925433
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38566) - you deserved it (6215)

On 10/21/2009 at 4:27am - misc - by sore (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, whilst holding a hand rail on a packed bus, I was rubbing my hand along, and playing with, what I thought was a join in the metal. It was an old woman's finger. FML

#5924730
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11831) - you deserved it (31837)

On 10/21/2009 at 2:32am - misc - by FingerBang (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, the driver side mirror of my car was smashed off and laying on the ground. On the window was a $75.00 ticket for improper equipment for not having a mirror. FML

#5923443
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30317) - you deserved it (1806)

On 10/21/2009 at 12:06am - misc - by Timebaseboy (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I decided to take a personal day from class and e-mailed all of my profs saying I had flu symptoms. While standing in line at Starbucks later, someone behind me says "Glad you're feeling better. Hope you can attend class tomorrow, we'll discuss lying." It was my Ethics professor. FML

#5921538
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7444) - you deserved it (54013)

On 10/20/2009 at 10:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I lost my house keys while staggering home drunk, so I decided to climb through an opened window and promptly went to bed. Twenty minutes later the police wake me up while attempting to search my place. The neighbors thought I was a burglar and called the cops. FML

#5916110
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11356) - you deserved it (31531)

On 10/20/2009 at 5:31pm - misc - by FailedEngineer (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my boyfriend gave me a fancy chocolate candy and I got angry at him for forgetting that I'm allergic to chocolate and threw the candy into the garbage disposal. Turns out, he had spent a ton of money getting a chocolatier to put an engagement ring inside the candy that I just destroyed. FML

#5914745
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12487) - you deserved it (74347)

On 10/20/2009 at 4:17pm - misc - by jaxattax (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I learned that being a twin really isn't that cool. After laughing at my twin brother for getting a speeding ticket he turns to me and says "It's not mine." Confused, I look at the ticket and see my name. He used my license. FML

#5913755
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46574) - you deserved it (4350)

On 10/20/2009 at 3:03pm - misc - by Twinner (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)



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