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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I got stuck in an elevator. After ringing the alarm bell consistantly for 10 minutes, I called someone I was staying with. She went down to the front desk and said that there were people stuck in the elevator. Front desk- "Is that what that is? I thought it was some kids messing around." FML

Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to get hot and heavy in my truck at our favorite park. We start going at it and we were both butt naked when I see a car pull into the lot. Not only is it a cop car, but the first thing the cop asks my girlfriend is "Are you being held against your will?" FML

#4429167
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40910) - you deserved it (12447)

On 08/10/2009 at 3:06pm - misc - by kmf - United States (New Jersey)

Today, after selling their car, my parents decided to inform me that my car (that I paid for myself) is now going to be the "Family Car". They also informed me that since it is, after all, my car, I'll still have to pay for the gas and maintenance. FML

#4429159
342 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82498) - you deserved it (4226)

On 08/10/2009 at 3:05pm - misc - by thanksforthat (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I hit a parked car and fled because I was so scared. Four hours later, the cops showed up at my house so I broke down crying confessing everything. Turns out, they weren't there about the car I hit. They were alerting me about the string of burglaries in my neighborhood recently. FML

#4428551
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8910) - you deserved it (67812)

On 08/10/2009 at 2:28pm - misc - by hitandrun (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I bought a new computer. I gave my old one to my mother. After handing it over and going home, I realised I forgot to change the background picture, a naked photo of my girlfriend. FML

#4426639
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8162) - you deserved it (61495)

On 08/10/2009 at 12:41pm - misc - by picaboo (man) - Singapore

Today, me and my friend were following this hot lifeguard around a waterpark. In the wave pool, I decided to be cute and "accidentally" bump into him during the waves to start a conversation. As I prepared to do this, a large wave pushed me off my feet and I fell face-first into his butt. FML

#4425556
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12161) - you deserved it (50598)

On 08/10/2009 at 10:34am - misc - by klutz (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom drove me to football practice. On the way she told me that she thought I was gay and that my friend was my lover. After 15 agonizing minutes of this, we get to my practice only to be greeted by my shirtless friend wearing a pink bandana saying "Man, you hit me hard last night." FML

#4421825
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75924) - you deserved it (6567)

On 08/10/2009 at 3:10am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out the hot girl I'd been flirting with on Facebook is actually 3 10-year-olds who created a fake profile to see how many desperate losers would try to hook up with her. FML

#4412595
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11801) - you deserved it (62716)

On 08/09/2009 at 7:54pm - misc - by pwndbykidz (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was riding up an escalator in the mall in uncomfortable high heels. While adjusting my bag I suddenly lost my balance and began flailing wildly. In desperation I hurled forward and ended up grabbing a teenage boy's buttocks and was promptly slapped by his girlfriend. FML

#4412504
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38642) - you deserved it (9589)

On 08/09/2009 at 7:43pm - misc - by grabber (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was walking at a section of the zoo where you are in the cage, and the monkeys are climbing outside of the cage. I was having a great time until I looked up and one of the monkeys urinated all over my face. Not only did everyone see, but there was no way for me to shower for six hours. FML

#4407922
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43308) - you deserved it (3364)

On 08/09/2009 at 1:41pm - misc - by foojew93 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, was my boyfriends mom's surprise birthday party. I was sent to pick up the very expensive cake and dozens of balloons. Not only was it windy and the balloons flew away, I tripped and dropped the cake. In the driveway in front of all their family and friends. FML

#4407478
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39835) - you deserved it (6928)

On 08/09/2009 at 1:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, after going to the beach with my guyfriend, I thought I looked pretty good infront of him in a bikini. Later he whispered in my ear, "You have a lot of hairs sticking out of your bottom". FML

#4405675
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19462) - you deserved it (41231)

On 08/09/2009 at 10:33am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, it was my turn to have the trophy my baseball team won a few weeks ago. I then find out that my brother and his buddies thought it would be funny to fill the trophy up with beer, drink the beer, and then pee in it. Not only is it over 50yrs old, it stinks of pee and is due back tomorrow. FML

#4404905
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37430) - you deserved it (3852)

On 08/09/2009 at 8:42am - misc - by itendstonight (man) - Ireland (Dublin)



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