Today, I went through my 15 year old daughter's internet history. On google she searched 'Excuses to get away from your dad' and 5 other variations of the same thing. We were supposed to be having a father daughter day tomorrow. FML

by alealovespurple / 08/16/2009 at 4:04pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my best friend told me I'm the friend who no one really likes. This was after I had bought her lunch, ice cream, and a ticket to a movie we were going to see that day. FML

by 27musiclover / 08/16/2009 at 10:41am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent hours trying to get a piece of food out of my two front teeth. I didn't have anything I could use, until I went out to dinner and got a toothpick. I finally got the food out of teeth. The toothpick broke. Now the tip of the toothpick is stuck in my teeth. FML

by stupidtoothpick2 / 08/16/2009 at 1:19am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was calling my cable company to tell me how to fix my internet. I stayed on hold for almost half an hour, and then when someone finally picked up, my phone died. FML

by stuff / 08/16/2009 at 12:36am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm having my housewarming party and had prepared food, drink and games for all the 19 confirmed guests on Facebook. I waited till 11 but nobody showed up. I checked Facebook again and realized I had accidentally put tomorrow as the party date. I have to work the whole day tomorrow. FML

by revalc / 08/16/2009 at 12:35am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was working at the theater as an Usher. A man comes up to me and gives me his ticket. At the same time, he takes a sip of water and suddenly felt the need to sneeze. The water came out from his nose and landed all over my face. I was covered with his mucus and had to wish him a good movie. FML

by Tiff676 / 08/16/2009 at 12:31am / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, at a family gathering, my aunt asked me when I was planning to have children. I'm only 16, I laughed and said not for a while, definitely not until I get married. My family shook their heads, and ignored me for the rest of the day. Apparently, teenage pregnancy is valued in my family. FML

by Anonymous / 08/15/2009 at 7:42pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, being a big believer in karma, I found it fitting that a girl that was always a bitch to me in high school is now fat and ugly. After sending one of her recent pictures with a mean caption to a few of my friends, I tripped and sprained my wrist falling up the stairs. Karma. FML

by whatgoesaround / 08/15/2009 at 2:51pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Miscellaneous

Today, while showering I slipped and fell, taking down the shower curtain and smashing my head against the floor, resulting in a concussion. My family came running because of the noise and I lay naked, bleeding and concussed for few minutes before they could stop laughing enough to get me help. FML

by iltdtsm / 08/15/2009 at 12:58pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I invited everyone to a gig I'm playing at a bar. They closed it down just for me when I told them how many people were attending, and I spent all day setting it up. Turns out nobody showed up besides my mom, my dad, and 2 of my cousins. I still had to play 7 songs in front of them. FML

by playinmyguitar / 08/15/2009 at 11:02am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the movies alone after the boy I was seeing told me he was busy studying for exams. I found him making out with another girl whilst in the queue. When I confronted him by text he denied that it was him. I saw him check the text and reply. FML

by pink_cupcakes / 08/15/2009 at 6:22am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my parents are first cousins. FML

by jellybean_94 / 08/15/2009 at 12:33am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my grandma went to get birthday gifts for my twin sister and me. She returned with 2 shirts that read "I see you've met the twins" in big letters across the chest. She gave them to us and said, "Isn't this cute? 'cause you're twins!" I then had to explain to her what the shirt was actually referring to. FML

by twingirl / 08/14/2009 at 5:57pm / United States (Delaware) / Miscellaneous