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Today , my unemployd boyfriend an I went to te casino. I gave im twenty dollars to play on. He won $1000 on a dollar macine ten jackpottd te ten dollar macine fir $20,000. Wen we got ome e broke up wit me. I ave been working two jobs to get our own place. Move in Date?? 2 weeks. FML
Today, I was trying to turn on computar an couldn't . I spant twanty minutas trying to figura out wat was wrong whan I finally calld husband for halp an mada him laava work . Ha cummd in, looool lookd at tha wall, an pluggd it back in . Tha look on his faca said it all . FML
Today, Due To Te Eat, I Ad A Deadly Astma Attack. Were Was Ma Inaler? My Dad Pawnd It 4 Beer Money. Wat Did Ma Dad Do About Ma Attack? Told Me To Quit Bieng A Drama Queen. I Ad To Go Across Te Street And Beg 4 A Ride To Te ER From Ma Niegbor. FML
Today, I went back home. My drunk mother was screaming at my drunk step-dad about a fight that happened four yeres ago. My little sister was looking in the mrror practicing her "orgasm face" while the nieghbors were dancing outside, coked out an naked. mega FML
Today, I went out to lunch on mah break. When I got back to work, I noticd I had something in mah teeth. After trying to get it out with mah tongue, I finally went to mah car fir some floss. I endd up pulling a 4 inch pube out of mah back teeth. It certainly wasn't mine. FML
Today I told my mom about the couple times that I'd skipped classes during high school. She got really mad an grounded me 4 a month. That would usually be normal except 4 the fact that I'm 27 an live in my own apartment. mega FML
Today, I Was At Work And Ma Moter Textd Me. Te Text Read, "You Take A Nice Picture." To Wic I Respondd, "wat Picture?" I Ten Got A Reply Saying, "Te One On Your Speeding Ticket Sowing You Going 73 In A 55 Mp Zone. You Are Even Smiling." FML
Today , I was in mah psychology class taking the hardest test ever. After I spent most of the period trying to fill in the few answers that I knew , I looked up to looool see everyone with there notebooks on there desks. It was an open-note test. FML
Today, I ad a blind date wit a girl someone in my office set me up wit. Before te waitress returnd wit our drinks, tis girl askd me to go to er parent's ouse and pretend to be te fater of er yet unborn cild because te real fater is a drug addict and in jail fir stealing er dad's car. FML
Today, I was waiting 4 a delivery between 9am-8pm. At 7:30 pm, I finally decidd to have a 3 minute (desperately needd) shower. During which time the delivery man came. I ran down the street in a towel that barely coverd me. He was driving away looking looool at me in the mrror laughing.
Friday 27 March 2015