FML: All the other funny stories

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- Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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- Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.

Today, I spent 2 minutes struggling to cork a wine bottle for one of my tables only to have them eventually point out to me that the bottle was a twist-off. FML

#45104
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5370) - you deserved it (22312)

On 02/15/2009 at 1:06am - misc - by sillybrohos (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was babysitting a 5 year old boy. When I was on the phone with my mom, he called 911 and started to cry. When I got off the phone the police were at the door. It turns out that the "emergency" was that the VCR was not working. FML

#45051
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22304) - you deserved it (7312)

On 02/15/2009 at 12:57am - misc - by loueb17 - United States (Arizona)

Today, I stood by the wall at a party while everyone else danced and ignored me. It was my birthday party. FML

#44996
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48051) - you deserved it (9053)

On 02/15/2009 at 12:44am - misc - by Noname - United States

Today, I looked on my sister's phone. There was a text from her boyfriend: "Let's go camping again, I bought more condoms so we won't make a big mess this time." Last time they went camping, they borrowed my sleeping bag. FML

#43502
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59471) - you deserved it (5943)

On 02/14/2009 at 7:38pm - misc - by NeverCampingAgain (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I wore the belt that my stepfather has spent 2 months needle pointing, as a finishing touch he added my initials: 'fml'. FML

#43166
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28204) - you deserved it (4256)

On 02/14/2009 at 6:19pm - misc - by MLS (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I fell asleep in my driver's ed class, and I woke up in a middle of a dream laughing. Everyone stared at me. I found out that the teacher had just finished talking about his vegetative niece who didn't wear a seat belt. FML

#43148
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11601) - you deserved it (25634)

On 02/14/2009 at 6:15pm - misc - by Biggest Jerk (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my two best friends decided to boycott Valentine's Day, ditching their boyfriends to hang out together. Not only am I single, but I wasn't invited. FML

#43145
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29024) - you deserved it (1603)

On 02/14/2009 at 6:14pm - misc - by Noname - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I cancelled out of a video chat with my boyfriend to go take a dump. I took my computer with me to look at Facebook. It took three minutes for me to realize I was still on video chat. FML

#43092
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10641) - you deserved it (39397)

On 02/14/2009 at 6:05pm - misc - by videochat (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I realized the reason I was asked to babysit 3 weeks ago for Feb 14 was because the old married couple with kids safely assumed that I wouldn't have a Valentine. FML

#43018
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24409) - you deserved it (1945)

On 02/14/2009 at 5:49pm - misc - by NoValentine (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got my license renewed and the woman behind the desk looked at me and said "guess we need to update the weight, huh?". FML

#41916
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27157) - you deserved it (4199)

On 02/14/2009 at 1:43pm - misc - by faye (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my girlfriend of one month and I had an amazing night of dinner and dancing, but when I leaned in to kiss her, she said, "You're joking right?" FML

#41639
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33225) - you deserved it (2891)

On 02/14/2009 at 12:35pm - misc - by semi-depressed (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I bought some flowers. As I was checking out, the cashier asked, "Aww, these for your mom? How sweet." I responded they were for a girl I liked. She laughed and said, "Sorry..." FML

#41470
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19787) - you deserved it (2989)

On 02/14/2009 at 11:48am - misc - by Noname - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my Mom came to pay me a short visit at college. She handed me some flowers, which were a Valentine's Day gift, because she "figured I wouldn't be getting any from anyone else this year." FML

#40460
10 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23530) - you deserved it (1697)

On 02/14/2009 at 1:23am - misc - by clementine8 (woman) - United States (New York)

Allison Myres Perry & Jim Perry 's illustrated FML

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