Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, my dad's boss called our house and I answered. He said "is your dad home?" I replied "I'll go check." I put the phone on mute and asked my dad if he wanted to talk to his boss. My dad says "Does that asshole not have a life?" Turns out the phone wasn't on mute, it was on speaker. FML

#3935367
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16286) - you deserved it (37316)

On 07/21/2009 at 5:54pm - misc - by jtaylor94 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I noticed that my very expensive facial cleanser was almost out. I had moved in with my boyfriend recently, and questioned him, telling him "You don't have to use so much to wash your face. That's a $70 bottle." To which he responded, "Oh, that nice-smelling stuff? Yeah, I use that on my junk." FML

#3931223
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39618) - you deserved it (7831)

On 07/21/2009 at 2:53pm - misc - by NotSoClean (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I left a note on the kitchen table saying to leave the door unlocked because I lost my key. I come home to find our house ransacked and robbed. Minutes later, I found my key. In my pocket. FML

#3929257
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11925) - you deserved it (54326)

On 07/21/2009 at 1:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I set up a camera in my kitchen to see who was stealing my cookies. Turns out my mom had her boyfriend over. Good news, the cookies are safe. Bad news, I now have something recorded that I never wanted to see in my life. FML

#3926899
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41170) - you deserved it (12952)

On 07/21/2009 at 10:55am - misc - by Pimp-Daddy (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I realized why I was hired to be a nanny. Apparently the husband had eyes for the last nanny. According to the wife I am not attractive enough to be a threat. FML

#3924296
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45421) - you deserved it (3013)

On 07/21/2009 at 4:49am - misc - by nottananny (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was at the airport to catch a plane. It was very crowded at the gate and there was nowhere to sit except for a flat metal bench, so I sat on that. Turns out I was sitting on a luggage scale, so my weight was displayed for everybody to see. FML

#3921991
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17515) - you deserved it (42370)

On 07/21/2009 at 2:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up screaming. Why? Well, I was complaining to my dad yesterday about how I always hit the snooze button and just roll over when my alarm goes off, and how that results in me being late for morning classes. My dad thought he'd help out by placing a mousetrap on the snooze button. FML

#3921342
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42822) - you deserved it (27778)

On 07/21/2009 at 1:38am - misc - by emperor (man) - Bangladesh (Dhaka)

Today, I went to the beach. I was in the ocean and I looked over my shoulder and saw a big black spot. Knowing that there were big crabs on the beach, I screamed. Everyone in the water heard including the lifeguards. It turns out it was just my shadow. FML

#3921202
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8535) - you deserved it (46587)

On 07/21/2009 at 1:32am - misc - by Thalassophobic (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at the gym running with intensity on the treadmill. As I was working out, I noticed a few guys behind me staring at me. I figured they were checking me out because I was losing some weight and looking better. Turns out they were betting on how much longer "Fat Ass" could last. FML

#3912171
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47796) - you deserved it (5876)

On 07/20/2009 at 7:31pm - misc - by fatgirl4 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was going to volunteer at a soup kitchen. I saw a man working, so I went up to him to ask where I should sign in. Before I even opened my mouth, he told me that they opened at 12 and to come back then for my meal. FML

#3911129
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37399) - you deserved it (4201)

On 07/20/2009 at 6:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was testing out my new webcam on an msn Video Call with a friend I hadn't seen in a while. In an attempt to look cool, I pretended to have a very interesting phone conversation. Later I found out my webcam has a mic. She "heard" the whole thing. FML

#3911063
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5611) - you deserved it (62488)

On 07/20/2009 at 6:39pm - misc - by loser (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was on the phone with my little sister as she explained that all these guys like her now that she's so skinny and beautiful. My mom must have overheard me tell my sister that at least I was a cuter child, because my mom laughed and said, "Yeah right, we had to buy you fat kid diapers." FML

#3910940
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36480) - you deserved it (7269)

On 07/20/2009 at 6:33pm - misc - by fattie4life (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went on a rollercoaster for the first time. I sat in the back, which was a bad idea. When it ended everyone in front of me turned around and stared. When I asked my friend what was going on, she said I had been screaming the Lord's Prayer the whole time. I hadn't even noticed. FML

#3908348
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35023) - you deserved it (24534)

On 07/20/2009 at 4:05pm - misc - by whyme_ss - United States (Massachusetts)



FML's blog

  • Gragrou's illustrated FML
  • One day, cats will rule the world, but not today, there's a bit of tin foil stuck under the couch. The Internet and cats is quite the love story, everybody knows that. A very serious study that was done…

Friday 26 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: