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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was riding up an escalator in the mall in uncomfortable high heels. While adjusting my bag I suddenly lost my balance and began flailing wildly. In desperation I hurled forward and ended up grabbing a teenage boy's buttocks and was promptly slapped by his girlfriend. FML

#4412504
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38614) - you deserved it (9585)

On 08/09/2009 at 7:43pm - misc - by grabber (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was walking at a section of the zoo where you are in the cage, and the monkeys are climbing outside of the cage. I was having a great time until I looked up and one of the monkeys urinated all over my face. Not only did everyone see, but there was no way for me to shower for six hours. FML

#4407922
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43288) - you deserved it (3363)

On 08/09/2009 at 1:41pm - misc - by foojew93 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, was my boyfriends mom's surprise birthday party. I was sent to pick up the very expensive cake and dozens of balloons. Not only was it windy and the balloons flew away, I tripped and dropped the cake. In the driveway in front of all their family and friends. FML

#4407478
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39808) - you deserved it (6928)

On 08/09/2009 at 1:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, after going to the beach with my guyfriend, I thought I looked pretty good infront of him in a bikini. Later he whispered in my ear, "You have a lot of hairs sticking out of your bottom". FML

#4405675
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19454) - you deserved it (41208)

On 08/09/2009 at 10:33am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, it was my turn to have the trophy my baseball team won a few weeks ago. I then find out that my brother and his buddies thought it would be funny to fill the trophy up with beer, drink the beer, and then pee in it. Not only is it over 50yrs old, it stinks of pee and is due back tomorrow. FML

#4404905
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37413) - you deserved it (3851)

On 08/09/2009 at 8:42am - misc - by itendstonight (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I found out that not only has my father been cheating on my mother with another woman, but they have a child together with the same name as me. FML

Today, as a joke, my friends and I decided to put me in a dress and makeup, to creep out a friend. I'm a guy. I'm not sure which is worse, the fact that I so willingly volunteered to wear the dress and the makeup, or the fact that I thought it was comfy and made me look slim. FML

#4402387
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11886) - you deserved it (49706)

On 08/09/2009 at 3:31am - misc - by twitch01 (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my boyfriend asked me to sniff his armpit to see if he was the one who smelled. I did because we are that comfortable with us. After a couple of sniffs I heard laughter. I forgot I was sitting in his living room and his family was watching me the whole time. I am now the BO finder. FML

#4397930
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10345) - you deserved it (44310)

On 08/09/2009 at 12:21am - misc - by broke_otaku (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my family and I were coming back from a trip to the US. As we reached the border patrol we realized that we were one passport short. The border patrol lectured us for 30 minutes about how irresponsible we were for not realizing that they had forgotten to give us one of our passports back. FML

#4397401
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37224) - you deserved it (7246)

On 08/09/2009 at 12:02am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my mom went snooping through my art bin to "clean out my old drawings". She found numerous nude pieces and accused me of selling porn. My mom mistook and threw out 57 anatomy practice sketches that I worked very very hard on, and ripped up the remainder of my drawings. FML

#4391923
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50282) - you deserved it (3070)

On 08/08/2009 at 8:02pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I was on the phone with my mother making arrangements to go to a dinner tonight where I will be honored for my political activism. She made it clear she's only going for me, and does NOT support the gay rights group that is putting the dinner on. I was planning on coming out after dinner. FML

#4391882
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42684) - you deserved it (7077)

On 08/08/2009 at 7:59pm - misc - by acorn (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I competed in a ballet competition and made the finals, while I was on stage awaiting the results, I sneezed really loudly and snot went flying all over the stage. When I went to accept my award the woman presenting it refused to shake my hand. FML

#4389792
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33218) - you deserved it (7922)

On 08/08/2009 at 6:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, at my wedding reception, my father began his speech with "Well, I never, ever thought that this day would come," at which point the entire room, including my new husband, broke into a round of enthusiastic applause. FML

#4386622
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38660) - you deserved it (4247)

On 08/08/2009 at 3:01pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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