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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I failed an oral speech because "I didn't look up once." The problem was, every time I looked up, my teacher looked down. Every time I looked down, she looked up. FML

#6007391
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33073) - you deserved it (5872)

On 10/26/2009 at 2:46pm - misc - by oralMistake - United States (Maryland)

Today, while I was eating, my younger sister came over and sat beside me. She started clipping her toenails. Disgusted by it, I turned and opened my mouth to tell her to move somewhere else, just as one flew inside my mouth. FML

#6007268
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32735) - you deserved it (4961)

On 10/26/2009 at 2:32pm - misc - by ohhhgross (woman) - Singapore

Today, I witnessed a homeless man fall off of his bike and land face first onto the pavement. Bleeding and shivering in the 40 degree weather, I gave him the coat off of my back. He got up like nothing happened and sprinted away with it. Oh yeah, my wallet was in the inside pocket. FML

#6005073
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22649) - you deserved it (30386)

On 10/26/2009 at 10:43am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my parents had a fight, which is a pretty normal occurrence at our house. But today, they fought over an orange. Dad is now sitting in his bedroom with the aforementioned orange. FML

#6003671
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29466) - you deserved it (2255)

On 10/26/2009 at 6:15am - misc - by Roida (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I ran into a car. I suffered a concussion and broke my nose. I wasn't driving. I walked right into it. It was parked. FML

#6002557
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10328) - you deserved it (39482)

On 10/26/2009 at 2:35am - misc - by munchkin - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was in minding my own business in bed in my dorm room. It was dark and my roommate came over, intending to slap my ass really hard. The problem is, I was lying face up. FML

#6002537
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32123) - you deserved it (2515)

On 10/26/2009 at 2:32am - misc - by Jack - United States (Missouri)

Today, there was an earthquake. Good news: the only damage was a tree fell on some losers car. Bad news: that loser was me. FML

#5999708
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28370) - you deserved it (2570)

On 10/25/2009 at 11:14pm - misc - by Jo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I searched myself on Facebook. I have a fan page made by some girl in Wisconsin. She has pictures of me on it. Can you say stalker? FML

#5996462
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34451) - you deserved it (4424)

On 10/25/2009 at 8:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was cooking. I leaned over the stove to preheat the oven, and burned my nipple on a pot of boiling water. I also have a teething son who is breastfeeding. FML

#5991629
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37695) - you deserved it (9956)

On 10/25/2009 at 2:42pm - misc - by roadbikemama (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while at the store, my fly became undone. It doesn't seem that bad unless an old lady comes to "zip it up for you." FML

#5991495
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31052) - you deserved it (3659)

On 10/25/2009 at 2:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alaska)

Today, I was walking down the hall from the livingroom. I overheard my mom telling someone how proud she was of her baby girl and how much she loved her. I thought she was referring to my first ever all "A" report card. Turns out my new kitten used its litter box correctly for the first time. FML

#5990004
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26968) - you deserved it (3177)

On 10/25/2009 at 12:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my son told me he lost the envelope with all the money he earned selling Cub Scout popcorn. The popcorn was delivered already, and the money needs to be turned in to the pack leader tonight. I just spent $220 on popcorn my neighbors are eating. FML

#5989748
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28558) - you deserved it (5121)

On 10/25/2009 at 11:44am - misc - by ifyouseekmylife (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my crush finally let me drive his truck for the first time in a empty parking lot, after he told me he liked me. It was so dark that I ended up driving into and pole and totaled his car. Now he hates me. FML

#5989698
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8860) - you deserved it (38536)

On 10/25/2009 at 11:39am - misc - by madd_dizzle (woman) - United States (Texas)



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