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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I woke up feeling a tingling sensation on my testicles. I enjoyed it for a few seconds, then threw off the covers. Looks like there have been cockroaches in my bed. FML

#3852842
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52139) - you deserved it (9395)

On 07/18/2009 at 6:48am - misc - by fartypeepee (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, after a night of partying, I woke up in the middle of my co-ed dorm lobby to the sound of giggles. I was in a thong with $1 monopoly bills sticking out. I'm a guy. FML

#3849129
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14177) - you deserved it (46243)

On 07/18/2009 at 2:03am - misc - by joedoe (man) - United States (California)

Today, my brother replaced my cologne with whiskey. I have a job interview and I smell like a drunk. FML

#3838963
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41781) - you deserved it (3885)

On 07/17/2009 at 7:14pm - misc - by tukker (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. I speak 4 languages and thought if I spoke French, the Officer would let me off with a warning thinking I was a tourist. Afterwards I turned to my wife and said "I can't believe that worked." He was a few feet away and heard. FML

#3838271
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9971) - you deserved it (93990)

On 07/17/2009 at 6:40pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was walking down the street and while stopped at a light, this old man waved at me. Thinking nothing of it, I walked through a parking lot to get to where I was going, where he not only followed me, but mistook me for a prostitute. It was 5pm. FML

#3831265
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35658) - you deserved it (7508)

On 07/17/2009 at 1:29pm - misc - by ohman (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was going to check out my secret condom stash. When I looked inside, I found a note. The note read: "Thanks hun, I really needed this. Love, Mom". FML

Today, while backpacking in Switzerland I had my camera stolen. Not only does this have photos of my entire trip but the pictures I took for my best friend's wedding. I was the only photographer of her elopement. FML

#3828649
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45014) - you deserved it (10115)

On 07/17/2009 at 11:01am - misc - by pissedinSwiss (woman) - Switzerland (Bern)

Today, I was getting a haircut. I had my foils in for about 10 minutes when the fire alarm went off. The building then started to fill with smoke and we evacuated. While outside watching the fire being put out, I forgot about my foils. I now have bright bleached yellow and orange hair. FML

#3826223
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38114) - you deserved it (5413)

On 07/17/2009 at 6:12am - misc - by 1danzo1 (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I had a softball tournament which also landed on my birthday. My dad had to leave town for work, so he left me a card on my night stand. Instead of a happy birthday, all it said was 'Don't mess up the game for everyone'. FML

#3824312
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40429) - you deserved it (2408)

On 07/17/2009 at 3:25am - misc - by msj137 - United States

Today, I thought it was a good idea to go number two while smoking a "cigarette". My ash tray was over by the sink so I decided to just ash in the toilet. While ashing between my legs, I sneezed and now I have a extremely uncomfortable burn on my man member. Smoking is bad. FML

#3821134
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7548) - you deserved it (82174)

On 07/17/2009 at 1:11am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to put a pretzel on my forehead while I was sleeping on the beach. I now have a pretzel-shaped tan line in the middle of my head. FML

#3816010
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43048) - you deserved it (8867)

On 07/16/2009 at 10:28pm - misc - by joe1234 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while going through airport security the lady asked why I folded everything so small. I said that I was going away for a month and needed to fit a lot of stuff in only one bag. She smiled, nodded and then dumped my luggage to search for "drugs and other illegal teen things." FML

#3811279
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48600) - you deserved it (2822)

On 07/16/2009 at 7:39pm - misc - by search_me (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I found out my class was attempting to raise money for me through a bake sale because some girl spread a false rumor that I was raped and that my father was going to disown me. The whole school believes it and my biology teacher took me aside and asked if I needed someone to confide in. FML

#3806644
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60436) - you deserved it (2670)

On 07/16/2009 at 4:32pm - misc - by dork (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)



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