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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was lost in a new town, so I asked a woman for directions. For some reason, she seemed to avoid me. About halfway down the block, she quickly turned around, and the next thing I remember is my eyes stinging like hell. Apparently she thought I was a mugger and maced me. FML

#6113652
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26529) - you deserved it (3495)

On 11/02/2009 at 12:40am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was at a party and saw an old friend from college. I went up to her asking how she was and how her family was. She went on to tell me that her husband left her a month ago and started crying. I told her that he was an ass anyway and that she didn't need him. Turns out he died. FML

#6108981
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34066) - you deserved it (13843)

On 11/01/2009 at 8:43pm - misc - by Oops (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was DJing for a church event where I was stationed in the middle and everyone was sitting behind me. I walked over to get something to drink and eat and come back with glaring looks. My screensaver had came on with pictures of my naked girlfriend. FML

#6108468
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7917) - you deserved it (48112)

On 11/01/2009 at 8:22pm - misc - by terry (man) - United States (California)

Today, I bought an iTunes giftcard worth $50. I tried to scratch off the little silver thing covering the code with a pair of scissors. I scratched so much that it's now unreadable. FML

#6106000
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9317) - you deserved it (54262)

On 11/01/2009 at 6:10pm - misc - by Sam (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I am not allowed to have any of my candy because of my sister's weight problem. FML

Today, I realized that the drunk-me deletes my texts, so the sober-me doesn't get mad. Well turns out, whatever the drunk-me said, caused me to lose my job, my girlfriend, and my coffee machine. FML

#6100010
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12020) - you deserved it (45232)

On 11/01/2009 at 11:35am - misc - by Joe (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, as I stopped at a traffic light, I noticed the man in the car next to me break out in laughter. I pulled over later on to see that someone had drawn a large penis on the side of my van. I then spent all my morning cleaning it off. I went outside later only to see someone had redrawn it. FML

#6098895
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35648) - you deserved it (3167)

On 11/01/2009 at 9:36am - misc - by WasteOfTime (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML

#6097881
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34370) - you deserved it (2104)

On 11/01/2009 at 6:33am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Berlin)

Today, while up in my room getting ready to go out, I thought I heard some trick or treaters knocking on the door. I ignored them because I didn't have any candy. The knocking got louder and longer. I walked downstairs, and noticed that the living room ceiling was falling down onto the floor. FML

#6094134
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28599) - you deserved it (4732)

On 11/01/2009 at 12:23am - misc - by trickortreat (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got rear-ended at a stop sign on a seldom used road in my neighborhood. As I open my car door to trade insurance information with the guy, he backs up a little and speeds away, taking my car door with him. FML

#6092612
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32733) - you deserved it (1915)

On 10/31/2009 at 11:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, the fire alarm went off in my dorm and I saw and smelled smoke coming under my door. My second story window wouldn't unlock so I broke it open, threw out as many of my belongings as I could, and jumped. Turns out, the smell and noise were from my roomates cheap vacuum cleaner, not a fire. FML

Today, I found out that I was conceived during a conjugal visit. FML

#6089701
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32026) - you deserved it (2682)

On 10/31/2009 at 8:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, it was Halloween, and I was giving candy to kids. When a group of kids who looked like they were around 4 years old came up to me and said, "Hey mister, do you have one of those things that make it look like you are fat under your shirt?" I didn't have one of those, but I lied and said, "Yes." FML

#6089311
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27154) - you deserved it (6137)

On 10/31/2009 at 7:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)



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