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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my mother told me I should think about quitting school. She explained that the reason was because she didn't want me to be more successful than my older sisters. FML

#4862674
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53929) - you deserved it (2154)

On 08/27/2009 at 4:28pm - misc - by Kitty_Gem (woman) - United States

Today, I lazily answered the door in my pajamas. It was my elderly neighbor asking to borrow a can opener. Despite the strange and unwarranted scowl she was giving me I obliged. It wasn't until after she had left that I notice my penis was completely sticking out through the flap in my pants. FML

#4861565
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41331) - you deserved it (19454)

On 08/27/2009 at 3:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was supposed to give a presentation to the incoming freshman about the dangers of drinking in college. My co-presenter showed up drunk. FML

#4858444
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40986) - you deserved it (4798)

On 08/27/2009 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I got home from work, and saw a note on the counter my roomate left saying "Sorry about the basement." I then went into the basement, and found that it was flooded. My TV, Xbox360, mini-fridge, and couch were all destroyed. Good thing he tried to stop the leak with scotch tape. FML

#4856467
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42898) - you deserved it (2182)

On 08/27/2009 at 7:51am - misc - by buzzzzkill (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my friend and I went boating. In the middle of the lake, we decided to jump in. We put our valuables in the boat and jumped in. When I tried to get back in the boat, it flipped over, and our cellphones, along with my car keys, are at the bottom of the lake. FML

#4854572
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13589) - you deserved it (51406)

On 08/27/2009 at 3:34am - misc - by p-man - United States

Today, I discovered that my parents rooted through our house looking for junk to sell at a garage sale. They sold all of my books from my bookshelf. When I freaked, out my mom said 'well you never read them'. There was about $300 hidden between the pages of those books. They made $60. FML

#4854155
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44769) - you deserved it (8684)

On 08/27/2009 at 2:58am - misc - by gonebabygone - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boss asked me how my parents' divorce affected me as a child. This is a sensitive subject, but I thought he was trying to connect with me so I told him how much it hurt. Turns out he wants to leave his wife and wanted to know if his kids would turn out "messed up" because of it. FML

#4850742
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36828) - you deserved it (2553)

On 08/27/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after going to T-Mobile thinking my phone won't receive texts, I found out that my phone is perfectly fine, my friends just don't text me back. FML

#4847720
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42956) - you deserved it (7628)

On 08/26/2009 at 10:28pm - misc - by nofriends (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my husband and I decided to take a romantic trip to the beach. We got pulled over, and shortly thereafter he was arrested. Just so happens you can't miss child support payments for your twelve year old daughter without getting a warrant. He has a daughter? We've been married for 14 years. FML

#4845223
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63557) - you deserved it (3218)

On 08/26/2009 at 8:57pm - misc - by AreYouSerious (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was driving to work when a state trooper rammed into my car from behind, because he was on the cell phone and not paying attention. He gave me a ticket for "Failure to control speed to avoid a crash." FML

#4840344
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77012) - you deserved it (3371)

On 08/26/2009 at 5:36pm - misc - by rammedbehind (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, we had bingo. Three rounds into it a group behind me started to yell, "BINGO, BINGO!". I looked around and saw no one was coming to verify that they had a bingo, so I turned around and said "Stand up." The girl was a midget, she was standing up. FML

#4838689
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33703) - you deserved it (13162)

On 08/26/2009 at 4:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while preparing lunch beside my wife. I instantly jerked my hand away from the grater just in time run my forearm across the knife she was using. I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in my arm, no lunch, and a puking wife. FML

#4837442
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47751) - you deserved it (4103)

On 08/26/2009 at 2:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, when I arrived at work, I was greeted by my gorgeous co-worker telling me my red shirt looked awesome on me. Before I could compliment her, she added the color was fitting perfectly with my acne... I heard a couple of giggles around me. FML

#4835743
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43191) - you deserved it (3118)

On 08/26/2009 at 1:07pm - misc - by 1nfected (man) - Canada (Quebec)



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