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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, a mall cop tore up my 'Free hugs' sign. FML

#6489895
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34522) - you deserved it (16194)

On 11/28/2009 at 2:13am - misc - by Cornbreesha (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went shopping with some friends. We were tired from walking around the mall all night, so we decided to sit and relax at a table. I was about to close my eyes when I got smacked on the forehead by an orange falling from the second floor of the mall. FML

#6487982
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27764) - you deserved it (3674)

On 11/28/2009 at 12:06am - misc - by Orangehead (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom came home and told me she was going back to college. She's going to the community college that a lot of the graduates from my school go to. She has biology with my ex. They're lab partners and have to do take home labs together. FML

#6487113
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33229) - you deserved it (2283)

On 11/27/2009 at 11:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I took my daughter to the zoo. I threw a piece of my sandwich towards a very cute chimpanzee. As a thank you, he threw a piece of crap at me, which exploded all over my shirt. FML

#6482495
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10204) - you deserved it (46114)

On 11/27/2009 at 6:36pm - misc - by Thanks (man) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, I was at a dinner with my dad's girlfriend's family. I met this guy who I found kind of cute and tried to talk to him a couple times. To avoid talking to me he started playing his PSP. I could see the screen perfectly and the PSP was clearly off. FML

#6477296
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30285) - you deserved it (5745)

On 11/27/2009 at 11:43am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I got no happy birthday wishes from anyone. I decided to call my sister to see if she'd remembered. My 6-year-old niece answered, so I told her it was my birthday. She said that it's tomorrow. After ten minutes of arguing with a 6-year-old, I checked the calendar. It's tomorrow. FML

#6476260
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8113) - you deserved it (57060)

On 11/27/2009 at 9:26am - misc - by forgotmyownbirthday (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I got out of the wrong side of the bed. Into a wall. FML

#6475314
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13654) - you deserved it (27155)

On 11/27/2009 at 5:11am - misc - by Nick (man) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, we took the kids to the local pond near my sister-in-law's to feed the geese. I hadn't been there before, and thought I'd take a picture. I turned around to adjust my camera, but the geese, realizing the feast had ended, took flight. Before I could react I was showered with goose shit. FML

#6474264
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24048) - you deserved it (3696)

On 11/27/2009 at 2:45am - misc - by fml...really (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. My neighbor saw. My first reaction was to come up with a cover story. I licked the window and wiped my sleeve over it to look like I was cleaning it. My neighbor came over later and gave me an early Christmas gift. Windex. FML

#6472262
388 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7334) - you deserved it (80914)

On 11/27/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by obsessed (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's apartment and I smelled a delicious aroma as I walked in so I asked him what he was cooking. His response was, "I'm not cooking anything. I just farted." FML

#6472214
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30760) - you deserved it (8152)

On 11/27/2009 at 12:10am - misc - by fartlover (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I spent the entire day at the hospital and was sent home attached to an obnoxious and somewhat painful heart monitor. I felt fine and decided to go to a bonfire with a few friends. I thought everyone was being nice until I overheard the guys referring to me as an unattractive xbox. FML

#6468992
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28531) - you deserved it (3054)

On 11/26/2009 at 9:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I saw an old man who needed help crossing the street. I went over to him and helped him across the street. When he thanked me, I said, "No problem, sir." They responded by hitting me in the happy sacks and screaming that they were a woman. FML

#6467365
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23001) - you deserved it (6740)

On 11/26/2009 at 7:26pm - misc - by anniecook (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I decided to make myself a nice meal. I bought expensive pasta and sauce etc. It looked delicious, I decided the finishing touch would be some parmesan cheese. I grabbed the bag and threw a handful of cheese on my meal. The cheese was about 98% mould. FML

#6465466
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20869) - you deserved it (27738)

On 11/26/2009 at 5:11pm - misc - by garlicbread (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol)



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