Today, I had a big party that left my house really messy. I spent hours cleaning the house until it was spotless. When my parents got home, my dad said "Did you have fun at the party?" and I said, "How'd you know?" and he replied "You hate cleaning and the house was filthy when we left". FML

by far23 / 07/15/2009 at 3:44pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, my neighbor confessed to me that he was homophobic and regrets that his family doesnt know it. He spent fifteen minutes explaining how much he would hate to have a gay child. I spent two hours last night convincing his son that it was the right thing to tell his family he was gay. FML

by mook / 07/15/2009 at 3:33pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to see a movie. After getting my seat, I went out to get food. Coming back, I saw the security guard. Thinking he would ask me for my ticket, I moved all the food to one hand to get the ticket in my pocket. I spilled it all. He didn't ask to see it. FML

by Anonymous / 07/15/2009 at 11:57am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my long-distance boyfriend came to visit. We went to a cafe where I managed to lock myself in the toilet, breaking the key. I then had to wait for them to break down the door. I came out to applause from everyone, who had been laughing at me for 25 minutes. FML

by FML / 07/15/2009 at 10:29am / Syrian Arab Republic (Dimashq) / Miscellaneous

Today, at martial arts practice, a guest sensei wanted to teach me some "manners". He pinned me down and proceded to choke me while crushing my nuts with his hands and yelling at me in front of the whole class, "DOES THAT HURT?!!?" FML

by GrippedMyBalls / 07/15/2009 at 9:21am / Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out I'm balding faster than my dad. I'm 19. FML

by Anonymous / 07/15/2009 at 4:09am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in the gas station and I saw this creepy lady staring at me and smiling. She just didn't stop. I even gave an awkward wave to let her know that I saw her staring at me. Finally I decided to confront the woman, turns out the overly happy woman was a cardboard cut out FML

by Anonymous / 07/15/2009 at 12:20am / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, my sister thought it would be funny to spray my face with my new tanning spray, which is only supposed to be used on arms and legs. I woke up and looked in the mirror to see an orange blotchy face staring back at me. My parents can't look at me without laughing. FML

by blotchy-girl / 07/15/2009 at 12:00am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at my boyfriend's house waiting for him to shower, his mother slams a pair of underwear on the table and tells me that if she ever finds something like that in her son's room again, she is forbidding him from seeing me. The underwear isn't mine. FML

by Anonymous / 07/14/2009 at 8:37pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend's mom pulled me aside and started telling me about how her daughter was extremely depressed and suicidal before she met me, and how happy her family is because of me. I was planning on breaking up with her within the next week. FML

by hungryman / 07/14/2009 at 5:10pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I checked the facebook event page that I had set up for my 21st birthday at an awesome restaurant/bar which I had set up a week ago. Out of 39 invitees, the only person who said yes is my boyfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 07/14/2009 at 2:10pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend watching a movie, my boyfriend then leans in and says: "You know, you're my favourite girlfriend." I then jokingly responded by saying: "You say that like I'm not the only girlfriend you have right now." I hate being right. FML

by dinapar / 07/14/2009 at 10:02am / Canada (Manitoba) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a neon themed party. Standing by the UV light, I looked down and realised my pad was glowing through my tights. FML

by paddy / 07/14/2009 at 8:23am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous