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Today, my family invited a bunch of their friends over for a party. At some point they decided to play some home videos from many years ago. In one of them, I was 7, I said, "Look Mommy! I can make my pee-pee bigger by doing this!" Everyone saw and laughed. FML

#4027991
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43028) - you deserved it (3898)

On 07/25/2009 at 10:55am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was walking down the strip with a friend when we saw a homeless man with no arm. I felt bad, so I gave him some cash and I looked into his poor little eyes when he put out his arm for a hug. Without thinking, I hugged him. Right as I was thinking, "wtf am I doing," he kissed my boob. FML

#4021792
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16581) - you deserved it (48317)

On 07/25/2009 at 1:19am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my auto-repairman told me my heavy mass of keys was bad for the ignition switch and suggested I separate my house and car keys. I began to carry my car keys and lock the house keys in my glovebox. My car was stolen. I now have car keys but no car and a house with no house key. FML

#4014904
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33064) - you deserved it (13478)

On 07/24/2009 at 8:55pm - misc - by LockedOut (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend told my roommate about a trick he had used by filling nail holes with toothpaste when he moved out. When I came home with putty to fill the holes, there were blue spots all over the walls. She had filled them with blue gel toothpaste. Now I get to repaint, too. FML

#4011609
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35051) - you deserved it (3355)

On 07/24/2009 at 6:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I turned 18. I thought it was bad enough that I had to pick up my own ice cream cake from the store, but then when I got home, my family discovered no more room in the freezer. They decided to eat it so it wouldn't melt. Without me. FML

Today, my little brother texted me informing me that our father has "become a nudist" since returning home from a month-long trip abroad. I thought he was joking or exaggerating, but when I went over to say hi, the first thing I saw upon walking through the door was my dad's droopy ball sac. FML

#4004887
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50665) - you deserved it (3973)

On 07/24/2009 at 1:07pm - misc - by mubaki (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, a man held a door open for me while I fished my umbrella out of my very cluttered bag. As I was opening my umbrella, I turned to thank him for being such a gentleman. Instead, a tampon that had apparently wedged itself into the folds of my umbrella flew into his face. FML

#4001107
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41046) - you deserved it (5293)

On 07/24/2009 at 7:39am - misc - by umbrella (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I was in an elevator with my dad and several strangers. When the elevator voice said, "Going down," my dad excitedly said, "Man, I love it when she says that!" loudly enough for everyone to hear. FML

#4000566
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40213) - you deserved it (4162)

On 07/24/2009 at 6:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I opened some small cute birthday gifts at my boyfriend's house. As we left to go out, he slipped me a Tiffany box and said he wanted me to open it in private. Flushed and excited, I open it to find a ziploc filled with hair. It was his mustache I had been begging him to shave for months. FML

#3997843
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34258) - you deserved it (18665)

On 07/24/2009 at 2:31am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend said he couldn't come to my grandfather's funeral because he was at his cottage and couldn't make it. Later that day, when driving home from the graveyard I saw him walking down the street, with another girl. FML

#3995959
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50899) - you deserved it (2856)

On 07/24/2009 at 1:11am - misc - by Lyingboyfriend (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I learned that when your gas nozzle does not automatically stop by itself the way its supposed to, they will continue to charge your credit card as the gas overflows out of your tank until someone notices and yells "turn the gas off". FML

#3995707
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14473) - you deserved it (46536)

On 07/24/2009 at 1:01am - misc - by haytia22 (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I bust my lip when a car bumped into mine. As I headed home, I was stopped by the police who told me my back light was out. I tried to explain, but it just came out as "fghjiljh" because of my lip. I was arrested on suspicion of drinking and driving. FML

#3983429
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46675) - you deserved it (3614)

On 07/23/2009 at 5:19pm - misc - by Gg (man) - United Kingdom (Bradford)

Today, I had my first date with this guy I really like, who came to pick me up. Once I got into his car, my uncle comes out of the house and yells "Remember, pregnant girls aren't allowed to drink." FML

#3978277
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41966) - you deserved it (7271)

On 07/23/2009 at 1:39pm - misc - by Prego my ego - Sent from mobile version



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