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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I saw this cute girl at a bar and decided to go and chat her up. After charming her with my usual crap for a while, I told her she was really pretty and asked for her number. She replied "You asshole, I met you here a year ago and gave you my number, and you never called me." FML

#4102567
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8607) - you deserved it (110419)

On 07/28/2009 at 6:55am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, a friend asked me if I could help him set up the stage for his wedding. Feeling honored that he considered me a close enough friend to aid him on his special day, I agreed to help. Turns out we aren't so close. I was asked to leave after I was done because I hadn't actually been invited. FML

#4099565
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48466) - you deserved it (2351)

On 07/28/2009 at 2:34am - misc - by partypooper (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a group job interview, where all the applicants seem to have the same qualifications. When the interviewer dismissed all of us but the prettiest girl, outraged, I told him he was a prejudiced pig, and should be ashamed of himself. Apparently she was the only one who had a car. FML

#4098846
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6953) - you deserved it (51527)

On 07/28/2009 at 2:03am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my dad asked me if i started smoking, I gave him a big speech about how I never have and never will. Two hours later he finds my stash of cigarettes under my bed. FML

#4092385
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7664) - you deserved it (120331)

On 07/27/2009 at 10:42pm - misc - by bbbeast (man) - United Kingdom (Kirklees)

Today, I was sitting in a coffee shop when the weird guy who had been pacing the store talking to himself approached our table. He looked at me, and in all seriousness, said, "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your butt crack is showing." FML

#4089919
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14203) - you deserved it (40235)

On 07/27/2009 at 9:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my best friend told me she was pregnant over the phone. While in the middle of telling her congrats, she told me it was with my boyfriend. FML

#4086782
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63090) - you deserved it (2986)

On 07/27/2009 at 7:10pm - misc - by thatonekid (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was peeing in a urinal at a bar. A drunk guy comes in, and seeing no urinals open, he decides to pee between my legs from behind me. He didn't have good aim. FML

#4081805
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61767) - you deserved it (3118)

On 07/27/2009 at 3:07pm - misc - by webperson04 (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my brother decided it would be funny to squirt disappearing ink on my wedding dress right before I walked down the aisle. It didn't disappear. FML

#4080765
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64478) - you deserved it (2824)

On 07/27/2009 at 2:22pm - misc - by randomnamehere (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I thought I would surprise my dad by mowing our entire 2 acre lawn. When he got home, instead of being grateful like I had hoped, he yelled at me for cutting in vertical lines instead of horizontal. FML

#4079687
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50277) - you deserved it (3653)

On 07/27/2009 at 1:25pm - misc - by overthehorizon (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I drove six hours with a friend to see one of her favorite bands in concert. We were turned away at the door because the online site didn't say we had to be 21 to enter. I drove six hours back with nothing to show for it but an empty gas tank and useless tickets. FML

#4074889
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37809) - you deserved it (8665)

On 07/27/2009 at 5:38am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, it was a pretty nice day so I decided I would take a walk through the park to get to work instead of driving. Healthier and better for the planet, right? Wrong. Some little bratty kids were bored apparently and decided to hide behind trees and peg me with water balloons. FML

#4074365
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35670) - you deserved it (3563)

On 07/27/2009 at 4:35am - misc - by waterballoons (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my brother was selling pictures of me showering. For what? World of Warcraft money. FML

#4073449
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65698) - you deserved it (4291)

On 07/27/2009 at 3:32am - misc - by Anon (woman) - Singapore

Today, I sent in a fake story to a website that supports a yearly festival in my small town thinking it would boost their spirits. It was how my boyfriend proposed to me at last year's festival. Now the local news station wants to do a story about it. FML

#4072297
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6943) - you deserved it (72736)

On 07/27/2009 at 2:24am - misc - by Tasji (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)



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