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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I woke up in my friend's living room after our sleepover. I heard her hot older brother and his friends in the kitchen. Feeling confident, I exposed my midriff a little bit just to give them a peek. They groaned and threw a blanket over me. FML

#4381633
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9582) - you deserved it (57932)

On 08/08/2009 at 7:49am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I found out that worms in apples aren't something that you just see in cartoons. FML

#4380493
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40935) - you deserved it (6162)

On 08/08/2009 at 4:48am - misc - by rivercitybarf (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was on an airplane back from California. I decided to check out my new $1500 MacBook that I bought the day before. My son decided to projectile vomit all over me, my new computer, and my bag. None of it got on him. FML

#4377271
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37623) - you deserved it (5224)

On 08/08/2009 at 1:27am - misc - by New computer - Sent from mobile version

Today, was my 22nd birthday. The only person who remembered was the dentist who sent me a postcard in the mail. I stopped going to him four years ago. FML

#4375044
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43151) - you deserved it (2474)

On 08/08/2009 at 12:06am - misc - by dentistftw (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got a call from my parents' divorce lawyer. When I answered the phone, she thought I was my mother and told me the details about my parent's divorce. I'm a 13-year-old boy who sounds like a woman and just learned that my parents are separating. FML

#4374791
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61149) - you deserved it (3306)

On 08/07/2009 at 11:57pm - misc - by madaskueuchiha (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got my annual blood test. The nurse was inexperienced and it took her several tries to insert the needle properly. When I get back home, my fiancé starts yelling at me and storms out. The reason? I am a recovering drug addict and my arm appeared as if I had been shooting up. FML

#4372351
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46953) - you deserved it (5807)

On 08/07/2009 at 10:27pm - misc - by lydiacoolness (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, it was my mom's birthday, I planned to wish her a happy birthday as she woke up. I opened the door to her room only to see my dad dancing around in an American flag thong. Grimacing in pain I closed the door right away. Not only am I forever disturbed, but now my dad is asking me how he looks naked. FML

#4371069
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40487) - you deserved it (6326)

On 08/07/2009 at 9:34pm - misc - by scarredforlife (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was listening to music while my grandma and mom were in the same room. I only had one headphone in. My mom, thinking I had both in, started telling my grandma how much of a "little bitch" I am. My grandma went on to say, "She's also a slut." FML

#4370126
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53440) - you deserved it (16137)

On 08/07/2009 at 8:43pm - misc - by Momlovesme (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I decided to surprise my husband by bringing home a case of beer and renting us a porno. He decided to surprise me by telling me he was leaving me for his pregnant girlfriend. FML

#4368729
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52030) - you deserved it (3735)

On 08/07/2009 at 7:35pm - misc - by Screwed (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I took a shower in a beachhouse we're renting for the week. Once I get out, I realize the house doesn't supply towels, my entire family was outside in the front yard, my cell phone was upstairs, and there are no blinds. I stood under a ceiling fan naked for 20 minutes trying to dry off. FML

#4366169
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32087) - you deserved it (13815)

On 08/07/2009 at 5:31pm - misc - by helplesssssss (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was proudly telling my husband that I only gained 8lbs through the pregnancy thus far. I usually obsess over my weight so it was a great accomplishment for me. He then turned and pinched my arms. "well it looks like all the fat migrated to your arms." FML

#4364677
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37443) - you deserved it (7502)

On 08/07/2009 at 4:14pm - misc - by fatpreggo - United States (Missouri)

Today, I rescheduled my doctor's appointment for a tetanus shot to go camping with my friends. While running on a path at the camp site, I stepped on a rusty nail that went right through my shoe and into my foot. Maybe I should have kept my appointment. FML

#4363957
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30218) - you deserved it (21598)

On 08/07/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by terpity12 - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, the car I was in got pulled over by the police for making an illegal turn. I was in a cab. And he kept the meter running. FML

#4362342
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45422) - you deserved it (2513)

On 08/07/2009 at 2:29pm - misc - by LT (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



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