Today, I borrowed my dad's laptop to type an essay. While I was saving it, I noticed some curious looking files and I opened them. They were rejection letters from all the colleges I had applied to. My dad had been forging them so he wouldn't have to pay for my tuition bills. FML

by Anonymous / 08/05/2009 at 8:47pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was puked on for the third time in three years at our annual choir concert. What makes it so significant? The fact that the same guy pukes on me every year from stage fright. We're arranged alphabetically, and he's always in the row RIGHT above me. FML

by Anonymous / 08/05/2009 at 5:27pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Miscellaneous

Today, my brother deleted all traces of the novel I've been working on for three years from my laptop. The reason? When I was born I "stole all of Mum and Dad's attention." He's 24. FML

by frustrated / 08/05/2009 at 4:30pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous

Today, a friend and I drove all the way from Texas to a small town in Colorado to spend an entire uninterrupted night together. Not only did he forget to bring condoms but everything was closed by the time we got into town. We ended up playing cards on the bed instead. FML

by Anonymous / 08/05/2009 at 1:25am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 6 ft snake got loose. I found it. It was in my neighbor's backyard, constricting their pet rabbit. FML

by Anonymous / 08/05/2009 at 1:25am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was eating dinner with my family. My parents didn't want me to hear what they were talking about so they decided they would spell out the words so I wouldn't understand. I didn't. FML

by Anonymous / 08/05/2009 at 1:15am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my brother found 100 bucks in his coat pocket. He was so happy he bought 2 new games for his x-box. He was borrowing my coat. FML

by Anonymous / 08/05/2009 at 1:05am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my birthday. The only call I received was from my stalker, who sang happy birthday with a japanese accent and asked if he could be my "special present". FML

by andi0804 / 08/04/2009 at 9:33pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was wearing my favorite tube top to the mall when a girl walked up and said, "I have that exact same skirt, why are you wearing it as a top?" I've been wearing it for two years, and no one's bothered to tell me. FML

by Anonymous / 08/04/2009 at 7:50pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on my couch when my landlord walked in. He asked what I was doing there. I responded with the same question. Apparently my roommate forgot to call me and tell me that our lease ended three days ago. I am now standing in the parking lot with all my belongings, and it is raining. FML

by bigryngf / 08/04/2009 at 6:12pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I turned on my boyfriend's computer and saw pictures of all of my credit cards, front and back, and several of my parent's credit cards. I looked in his e-mail and found receipts for items which had been billed to me and delivered to him, including golf clubs and my birthday gift. FML

by Michelle / 08/04/2009 at 1:31pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, while visiting family in the Czech Republic, I was told on two separate occasions that I looked like a Czech TV star. Flattered, I asked what the TV show was called. Turns out there's a Czech version of 'Ugly Betty'. FML

by CzechMeOut / 08/04/2009 at 9:19am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, my grandfather was counting all the grandchildren he had and saying how fortunate he was to have all of us. When I pointed out that he'd forgotten to count me, he turned and said "You're adopted, you don't count as a real grandchild" FML

by Anonymous / 08/04/2009 at 8:02am / Singapore / Miscellaneous