Today, while watching a movie with my girlfriend, I had to go to the bathroom. As I returned, I thought it would be cute to jump over the side of the couch and land next to her. I accidentally landed on her arm and broke her wrist. It wasn't as cute as I expected. FML

by Idiot / 08/22/2009 at 2:44pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my birthday. My parents came into my room at 12:01 to surprise me. Do you know what fifteen year olds do at midnight? FML

by urmommmm / 08/22/2009 at 12:25pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I listened to a voice mail from my mom about how she misses me and cant wait to see me when I get back from vacation. Thinking she hung up, my mother then had a conversation with my aunt about how quiet the house is without me and how she'd be blessed if I didn't come home. FML

by taylor124 / 08/22/2009 at 1:03am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my 17th birthday. My mom forgot and my best friend is out of town. The highlight of my day? The guy at McDonalds slipped an extra apple pie in my bag. FML

by Anonymous / 08/21/2009 at 9:02pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, my family bet me $20 to wear a Disney Princess hat for the entire day around a theme park. I am 17 years old. We decided to go for lunch in one of the restaurants. After we finished, a woman gave my parents a leaflet on how to cope with disabled children. FML

by Becky / 08/21/2009 at 7:51pm / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was told by this big guy from school that I needed to stop stalking his girlfriend, and stop following her home from school. She's my neighbor. FML

by ostfae / 08/21/2009 at 4:13pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, at around 1 am, my boyfriend drunk-dialed and broke up with me. He didn't seem to remember he had already broken up with me yesterday. Thanks for reminding me. FML

by whoababy55 / 08/21/2009 at 1:07pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother told me she's disappointed in me for not going to a better college, and that if I was in the top ten of my class that the rest of those ten must be really dumb. Fact is, I threw away the acceptance letters to Carnegie Mellon and Cornell because I didn't want her to have to pay. FML

by Anonymous / 08/21/2009 at 10:20am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I thought it would be a smart idea to walk out on the pier while the waves were 6 feet tall. I was having fun getting "splashed" by the waves crashing over until one wave knocked me over and dragged me 20 feet across the hard concrete pier. FML

by onebadwave / 08/21/2009 at 3:26am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, in Burger King, I was leaning against the railing looking at the menu. I saw an old man using the rail to walk, so I got out of the way. He ran his hand across my back and said "You're so cute, I'd like to take you home and lock you in my basement naked so you can't leave" and walked out. FML

by Anonymous / 08/21/2009 at 12:01am / United States (North Dakota) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my first day of school as a freshman. I soon became lost and decided to ask a senior for directions to my class. They smiled at me and said "It's on the third floor to the right." After ten minutes of walking up and down stairs and hallways, I discovered there is no third floor. FML

by Anonymous / 08/20/2009 at 7:34pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a video of myself filmed last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming, "I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA" while naked. FML

by ShiriSarah / 08/20/2009 at 10:39am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, my little sister thought it'd be cool to pierce my nose while I was asleep. FML

by NoseInPain / 08/20/2009 at 10:17am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous