Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was eating pizza with my girlfriend. She got sauce on the corner of her mouth so I tried to be sexy and lick it off. It wasn't sauce, it was a cluster of zits. FML

#8889427
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21054) - you deserved it (39433)

On 03/07/2010 at 9:12am - misc - by choldcreations - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I had a sip of my coffee and felt a lump of some kind enter my mouth. I thought it was a bit of biscuit, and then remembered I didn't have biscuits this morning with my coffee. I took it out of my mouth and it was a huge black fly. I then spat the rest of my coffee all over my laptop. FML

#8889347
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28327) - you deserved it (4443)

On 03/07/2010 at 9:08am - misc - by jess (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I told my mom I was 3 months pregnant, expecting her to be happy. Instead, she screamed that I was no longer her daughter and she never wanted to see me again before throwing me out of her house, because I got pregnant out of wedlock. Nice math mom. I've been married for 5 months. FML

#8887792
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40401) - you deserved it (2655)

On 03/07/2010 at 5:27am - misc - by notamathematician (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I received a phone call from my father asking how I spelled my name. Not only was he the parent who picked out my name, he was completely serious. FML

#8886558
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27486) - you deserved it (1963)

On 03/07/2010 at 3:18am - misc - by crimson28 (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, a drunk truck driver taught me a very valuable lesson: Never tie your shoelaces in the middle of a parking lot. FML

Today, I was home alone. It was very dark and so I went to turn on the lights, when I heard the sound of a gun loading. I dropped to the floor but never heard a gun fire. I got up and heard the sound again. When I got lights on, I discovered it was only my printer telling me it was out of paper. FML

#8882513
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10498) - you deserved it (24671)

On 03/07/2010 at 12:02am - misc - by OhaiiKid (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I went to Starbucks to use the bathroom. After I knocked on the door, and turned the handle, this little old lady rips the door open and goes "I WAS TAKING A DUMP. YOU WANNA COME IN AND WIPE MY SHIT? DO YOU?!" and then continued to ask me the same question for five minutes. FML

#8878424
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29848) - you deserved it (4234)

On 03/06/2010 at 9:38pm - misc - by bathroomblunder (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I was massively hungover and driving home. I had a strong suspicion that I was gonna ralph so I was smart and pulled over. I emptied the contents of my stomach into a shopping bag and was proud I didn't make a mess all over the car. Seconds later, the bottom of the bag gave out. FML

#8876502
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10665) - you deserved it (26548)

On 03/06/2010 at 8:17pm - misc - by Octobre (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, water turned to wine. That is, my brother put wine in my hamster's water bottle. Very bad idea. FML

#8873623
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25182) - you deserved it (2446)

On 03/06/2010 at 5:44pm - misc - by Lucy (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I accidentally downloaded a virus, which hijacked my email program. I somehow doubt the Dean at my university will thank me for my suggestion that he too could experience 100% natural male enhancement pills. FML

#8874142
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24386) - you deserved it (5730)

On 03/06/2010 at 5:44pm - misc - by smarie09 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I learned it's not a good idea to answer your phone with "F*** off!" just because you're having a bad day. It could just be your pastor on the other end. FML

#8867961
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7041) - you deserved it (47370)

On 03/06/2010 at 12:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was designated driver for my friends. This entailed: standing around in the cold for 3 hours, not drinking, dealing with drunk people, and oh yeah, I almost forgot, cleaning up vomit from my hair, my clothes, and my brand new car. FML

#8866144
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25328) - you deserved it (7266)

On 03/06/2010 at 10:22am - misc - by Coldflame (man) - United States (New York)

Today, after leaving work at 10 pm, I took a shortcut to the highway. After getting lost, my GPS informed me that the service was unavailable and I should try back in an hour. This occurred moments before I ran out of gas. FML

#8861127
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24456) - you deserved it (8260)

On 03/06/2010 at 1:16am - misc - by Lost... (man) - United States (Texas)



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