Today, I told my dad that I have a very serious drinking problem and that I need to go to rehab because I can't stop on my own. He told me that I just need to make new friends and suggested I join a sorority. FML

by Anonymous / 09/24/2009 at 10:34am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my sisters and I were throwing my mom a birthday party. Since I'm not good at baking, I ordered her a really nice and expensive cake. As my daughter and I were headed out the door, she told me she had added some sprinkles to make it pretty. It was the silica beads from a package. FML

by rubber_duckie177 / 09/24/2009 at 7:25am / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous

Today, the weird receptionist at the hotel I'm staying at asked me if I needed an extra blanket because I "looked cold in my sleep last night". FML

by scaredtosleep / 09/24/2009 at 5:50am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, I moved in with an older gentleman renting out a room. Tonight, he had a domestic dispute with his girlfriend who threw a lawn chair at my car. FML

by Davios / 09/24/2009 at 12:34am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to hand write a 10 page essay for one of my classes. When I turned it in I got an automatic zero. It was written in blue. Not black. FML

by stupid / 09/23/2009 at 9:18pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad threw up on my dress. My wedding dress. While he was walking me down the aisle. FML

by poorgirl / 09/23/2009 at 5:38pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I bought a fish bowl and a fish for $15. I brought him home and sat him on my desk. Everything was going well until the shelf gave out and his bowl slid off of the shelf... onto my $2,000 computer. The computer is fried and is not covered by the insurance, the fish is fine. FML

by Bubba / 09/23/2009 at 4:48pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband blew all the candles on his birthday cake while I was taking a photo in front of him. I will probably never use cocoa powder to decorate a birthday cake anymore. FML

by Anonymous / 09/23/2009 at 8:08am / Australia (South Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that my coach doesn't close the door and the blinds to perform half-naked body checks (to make sure his team is in shape) on anyone else but me. FML

by MaKaDa / 09/23/2009 at 7:28am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was home alone, and decided to do some naked cleaning just because I could. After half an hour of liberating nakie-dusting, I turn around to see my boyfriend and his best friend gaping at me open mouthed. His older brother however gave a creepy smile and the thumbs up. FML

by DusterOverBits / 09/23/2009 at 5:35am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I came to a realization that the closest people to me in my life, the ones who are warm and welcoming, who're happy to see me, who honestly wanna know how I've been and how I feel, whose smiles make me feel warm and fuzzy inside, are the baristas at Starbucks, not my actual 'friends'. FML

by Anonymous / 09/23/2009 at 4:46am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Miscellaneous

Today, my vegetarian housemate cleaned the fridge. He threw away all of the meat in our fridge and made a nice sign stating "Meat is Murder". I was storing roughly $1000 worth of filet mignon steaks and seafood for my sister's wedding. FML

by carnivore / 09/22/2009 at 5:48pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to propose to my girlfriend on the Charles Bridge in Prague. A little boy thought it would be fun to chase a flock of pigeons towards me. I freaked out and dropped the 2 carat diamond ring. Into the river. FML

by sadguy / 09/22/2009 at 2:30pm / Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha) / Miscellaneous