Today, I was trying to turn on my computer and couldn't. I spent twenty minutes trying to figure out what was wrong when I finally called my husband for help and made him leave work. He came in, looked at the wall, and plugged it back in. The look on his face said it all. FML

by burnnotice / 09/19/2009 at 10:10am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that I had my first born child. It's a boy. I found out on facebook. FML

by josh / 09/19/2009 at 4:47am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, due to the heat, I had a deadly asthma attack. Where was my inhaler? My dad pawned it for beer money. What did my dad do about my attack? Told me to quit being a Drama Queen. I had to go across the street and beg for a ride to the ER from my neighbor. FML

by asthmasucks / 09/19/2009 at 3:47am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went back home. My drunk mother was screaming at my drunk step-dad about a fight that happened four years ago. My little sister was looking in the mirror practicing her "orgasm face" while the neighbors were dancing outside, coked out and naked. FML

by Anonymous / 09/19/2009 at 12:55am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went out to lunch on my break. When I got back to work, I noticed I had something in my teeth. After trying to get it out with my tongue, I finally went to my car for some floss. I ended up pulling a 4 inch pube out of my back teeth. It certainly wasn't mine. FML

by Ilovelife07 / 09/19/2009 at 12:47am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my mom about the couple times that I'd skipped classes during high school. She got really mad and grounded me for a month. That would usually be normal except for the fact that I'm 27 and live in my own apartment. FML

by 1357katie / 09/19/2009 at 12:22am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in my psychology class taking the hardest test ever. After I spent most of the period trying to fill in the few answers that I knew, I looked up to see everyone with their notebooks on their desks. It was an open-note test. FML

by Anonymous / 09/18/2009 at 5:31pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a blind date with a girl someone in my office set me up with. Before the waitress returned with our drinks, this girl asked me to go to her parent's house and pretend to be the father of her yet unborn child because the real father is a drug addict and in jail for stealing her dad's car. FML

by oh_its_true / 09/18/2009 at 3:23pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was waiting for a delivery between 9am-8pm. At 7:30 pm, I finally decided to have a 3 minute (desperately needed) shower. During which time the delivery man came. I ran down the street in a towel that barely covered me. He was driving away looking at me in the mirror laughing. FML

by calamityjosie / 09/18/2009 at 1:24pm / United Kingdom (Reading) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I walked out of my college dorm to see that the intelligent person who locked their bike next to mine decided as an added security they would lock their bike to the rack, and to my bike. FML

by cl512 / 09/18/2009 at 9:33am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally worked up the courage to ask a cute guy for his number. Once he had given me his, he asked for mine. My initial happiness was deflated when he said "Ok, now I can just block every message from you." And walked away from me. FML

by Anonymous / 09/18/2009 at 6:40am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friends took my phone and changed all the contact's names to characters from Harry Potter. I have over a hundred contacts and no idea who I'm talking to. I've been texting Draco Malfoy for 4 hours now. FML

by MissMSE / 09/18/2009 at 4:41am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I fell down the stairs and broke my arm. I went into hospital to get it put in a cast, but still went into school afterwards. I got written up for truancy because I didn't have a doctor's note. The cast was still on my arm. FML

by London / 09/18/2009 at 4:06am / United Kingdom (Essex) / Miscellaneous