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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was cooking. I leaned over the stove to preheat the oven, and burned my nipple on a pot of boiling water. I also have a teething son who is breastfeeding. FML

#5991629
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37519) - you deserved it (9936)

On 10/25/2009 at 2:42pm - misc - by roadbikemama (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while at the store, my fly became undone. It doesn't seem that bad unless an old lady comes to "zip it up for you." FML

#5991495
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30903) - you deserved it (3651)

On 10/25/2009 at 2:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alaska)

Today, I was walking down the hall from the livingroom. I overheard my mom telling someone how proud she was of her baby girl and how much she loved her. I thought she was referring to my first ever all "A" report card. Turns out my new kitten used its litter box correctly for the first time. FML

#5990004
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26813) - you deserved it (3168)

On 10/25/2009 at 12:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my son told me he lost the envelope with all the money he earned selling Cub Scout popcorn. The popcorn was delivered already, and the money needs to be turned in to the pack leader tonight. I just spent $220 on popcorn my neighbors are eating. FML

#5989748
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28412) - you deserved it (5106)

On 10/25/2009 at 11:44am - misc - by ifyouseekmylife (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my crush finally let me drive his truck for the first time in a empty parking lot, after he told me he liked me. It was so dark that I ended up driving into and pole and totaled his car. Now he hates me. FML

#5989698
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8810) - you deserved it (38375)

On 10/25/2009 at 11:39am - misc - by madd_dizzle (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I kept restarting my internet, wondering why I wasn't receiving any messages from my friends. Then I realized they were all ignoring me. FML

#5989620
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26247) - you deserved it (8183)

On 10/25/2009 at 11:30am - misc - by Happyforeverx (woman) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, I drove 3 hours to go to an award ceremony. When I got there, I had to wait an hour for the hall to open, then sat listening to speeches for two hours, got my "award", and drove 3 hours home. The award was a small pin that I already had. FML

#5988986
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26121) - you deserved it (4234)

On 10/25/2009 at 10:18am - misc - by HoShiz (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I got a speeding ticket. My speedometer got busted a few weeks back, rendering it useless. My father, a former mechanic, decided it's not worth the trouble of going in and fixing it. "Just keep with traffic when you're on the highway; you'll be fine." This $150 fee says otherwise. FML

#5987696
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11718) - you deserved it (25250)

On 10/25/2009 at 6:08am - misc - by ZThirteen (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went to a 'haunted' theme park, actors had been trying to scare me the whole night. I was waiting by an outdoor heater for my friend when a hand came out of nowhere close to my face. I screamed at the top of my lungs, but it was only some chick wanting to warm her hands by the heater. FML

#5987290
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22717) - you deserved it (6554)

On 10/25/2009 at 4:54am - misc - by mack (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went on a date with a girl that I really like. I picked her up from her house, and as I was pulling out of her driveway, I hit her dad's BMW, knocking off the bumper. FML

#5984372
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15299) - you deserved it (25700)

On 10/25/2009 at 12:38am - misc - by Badday (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while shopping for some bananas at my local grocery store, an old woman came up to me and started rubbing my stomach. She simply asked when I was due. I am a 43 year old man with a beer belly. FML

#5978415
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33984) - you deserved it (13755)

On 10/24/2009 at 6:24pm - misc - by fmlifetime (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML

#5975036
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34485) - you deserved it (6478)

On 10/24/2009 at 2:27pm - misc - by marz88 (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I woke up to find my face all red and swollen. Turns out it is caused by the medication I’ve been taking for over a week now. Only in very rare cases it will cause redness on your skin. I’m glad to know I’m special. FML

#5974097
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26877) - you deserved it (2795)

On 10/24/2009 at 1:14pm - misc - by sexyswollen (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)



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