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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my roommate of seven weeks decided to kick me out. He blames me for the stains on his expensive white leather couch, even after a prof cleaner determined it was red wine. I don't drink red wine. He does. FML

#6441828
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27115) - you deserved it (1736)

On 11/25/2009 at 2:35am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Delaware)

Today, I was told by my mother that the reason she quit her job as a counselor and divorced my dad was because she met someone through work. She works in a prison. FML

#6441636
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30230) - you deserved it (1923)

On 11/25/2009 at 1:42am - misc - by CT (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I got an alarm installed in my car, and was having problems with it not going off when the car was hit. To demonstrate this to the installers, I bumped my car with my hip, which left a dent, and set the alarm off. FML

#6440907
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7755) - you deserved it (24493)

On 11/24/2009 at 11:08pm - misc - by md - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was walking through the streets with my best friend, feeling confident in my new skinny jeans. My friend said, "you really should be wearing a thong with those pants, your underwear line is showing". I was wearing a thong, those lines were just my fat rolls. FML

#6439665
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12532) - you deserved it (37444)

On 11/24/2009 at 8:05pm - misc - by xkellybabyyx - United States (Connecticut)

Today, while at work, I was picking up paper in the bathroom. In one stall I saw what I thought was a wadded piece of the brown paper to dry your hands. It wasn't until I realized it was sticking to my bare hand that I realized it was feces. Human feces. FML

#6439619
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26360) - you deserved it (13906)

On 11/24/2009 at 8:00pm - misc - by Oddity_C - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to drive my mom's car for a change. It wouldn't start, so I open the hood. Someone had stolen the battery. I go to start my own car so I can drive to the police station to report the theft, and discover someone siphoned off my gas. FML

#6439470
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27815) - you deserved it (1883)

On 11/24/2009 at 7:44pm - misc - by bummer (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I realized that our generation will be remembered as the kids who liked sparkly vampires. FML

#6439149
341 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70401) - you deserved it (12114)

On 11/24/2009 at 7:08pm - misc - by buhknee - United States (North Carolina)

Today, some girl punched me in the face and left a huge purple bruise. Apparently her boyfriend has been cheating on her with me because she always sees him walking me home. Her boyfriend is my older brother who didn't bother telling her who I was because "he wanted to see what she would do." FML

#6438315
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41898) - you deserved it (2270)

On 11/24/2009 at 5:47pm - misc - by DayamyWuzHere (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up after taking a sleep pill for the first time. I started in on a number of chores including paying bills when I noticed a new charge on my online credit card bill from 1am. I bought $120 worth of meat from an infomercial. It's non-refundable. I'm vegetarian. FML

#6434122
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22019) - you deserved it (10326)

On 11/24/2009 at 7:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, like many other days, I fell asleep in math class. Unlike other days, however, I woke up with a start while ripping a really loud fart in my sleep. The whole class heard it because it was during a lecture. Even the teacher was laughing at me and I had to walk, no, run out of the room. FML

#6431680
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8740) - you deserved it (25358)

On 11/24/2009 at 12:57am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went over to my best friend's house only to have his little brother run up to us and confess his love to me. His little brother is twelve and I've tutored him for a year. I'm seventeen and male. Now my best friend thinks I 'taught' him something weird. He won't talk to me. FML

#6422707
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29551) - you deserved it (2189)

On 11/23/2009 at 4:14pm - misc - by Yue (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up in a closet of a four star hotel, having spent the night drinking. I am a secondary school teacher and I have been visiting this place on a school trip. My flight left at 4am this morning and it's now 1pm in the afternoon. FML

#6421481
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6482) - you deserved it (53789)

On 11/23/2009 at 1:29pm - misc - by Nicholasand (woman) - United Kingdom (Staffordshire)

Today, I was walking on the boardwalk with my mom when an old man came up and asked me to marry him. He promised he would buy me a Mercedes if I did. The man was homeless and delusional. My mom told me I should take the offer because it would be the best offer I could get. FML

#6421285
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31503) - you deserved it (2764)

On 11/23/2009 at 1:09pm - misc - by ellie (woman) - United States (Arizona)



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