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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, at Six flags, friends and I were going to ride "Superman". People lose their phones on it easily, so I asked a friend who decided not to ride to put mine in her bag. When it ended, I learned she went and asked an employee in navy to hold onto it, but couldn't find him. Employees wear yellow. FML

#5205982
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38229) - you deserved it (6339)

On 09/12/2009 at 12:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, was my first day at Military School. When our commander walked into the sleeping quarters, instructing us all to get up and stand at the foot of our beds. I had morning wood. To which the commander wasted no time in adressing in front of the rest of the room. FML

#5203639
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40014) - you deserved it (4951)

On 09/12/2009 at 9:14am - misc - by Lukev7 - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I found out that despite having attended every university party held over the last two years, the only physical contact I have had with a member of the opposite sex is when the security guard stamps my hand. FML

#5203219
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30216) - you deserved it (7612)

On 09/12/2009 at 7:53am - misc - by Lonely (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I took this girl out that I've been crushing on for 2 years to a fancy restaurant. At one point during the date, I had to get up to take a massive dump. As I was walking back to the table, a little boy stood up and shouted, "THAT'S THE POOPOO MAN" in front of the whole restaurant. FML

#5198874
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39817) - you deserved it (4780)

On 09/12/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by taman (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I parked in front of a grocery store and took the portable GPS system off the mount on the dashboard and put it in my pocket so no one would break into my car and steal it. When I got back, the window was smashed and someone had stolen the plastic mount. FML

#5194159
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36602) - you deserved it (3013)

On 09/11/2009 at 8:40pm - misc - by sucksforme (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I tried to help a large, elderly nun who had slipped. She was stuck and wedged in on a concrete ramp. So I stood facing her, feet braced against hers, and pulled. Not only did I drop her, but I got a wicked view of her panties and crotch. I'm sure I'm going to hell. FML

Today, I got 4 "photo enforced" speeding tickets in the mail. It was from the car that was stolen from me three weeks ago. FML

#5190838
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37581) - you deserved it (2422)

On 09/11/2009 at 5:47pm - misc - by SlowLane (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was eating MandMs on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch. My mom came in to see my hand on my crotch and me muttering, "Where is that little bastard?" FML

#5187635
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59145) - you deserved it (15254)

On 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm - misc - by awilson (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I decided to check out my school's quarterback's Twitter, since we have a class together. He wrote, "Dear girl in front of me, I thought you were pretty until you turned around." It was funny, until I realized the timestamp was when we have class together, and I sit in front of him. FML

#5186777
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35914) - you deserved it (4263)

On 09/11/2009 at 1:05pm - misc - by thatgirl247 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after spending 20 minutes every day working on my abs for the last month and feeling pretty good about how they were looking, I received the first comment about them. A girl poked them and said 'squish'. FML

Today, I spoke to my dad for the first time in over a year. I've been volunteering in Mongolia, I have no running water, freeze my ass off everyday and communication with anyone who speaks English is scarce. One of the first things my father said to me was, "out of sight, out of mind." FML

#5183635
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30963) - you deserved it (3209)

On 09/11/2009 at 5:01am - misc - by Anonymous - Mongolia (Ulaanbaatar)

Today, I found out that on Wednesday, when I have 2 exams, I'm called to testify in court. If I go to court, I cannot make the exams. If I take the exams, I'll be held in contempt and arrested. FML

#5182351
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40881) - you deserved it (5339)

On 09/11/2009 at 2:10am - misc - by livin (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I saw a cute girl at a night club. When I approached her and introduced myself, she said "Don't you remember me? We danced here last weekend... but you were smashed that night". I cheekily replied "Oh really? That's hot, what happened next?" She said "You were hitting on me. So, I left." FML

#5181151
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8408) - you deserved it (37846)

On 09/11/2009 at 12:39am - misc - by 0ptimu5 (man) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)



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