Today, I passed my kidney stone. After thirteen hours of pain free joy, another one appeared. FML

by kidneystoner / 10/14/2009 at 12:37am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was so bored, I sewed my name into my underwear. FML

by Anonymous / 10/13/2009 at 11:25pm / Miscellaneous

Today, we had a fire drill in my dorm, and I live on the 7th floor of my building. They shut the elevators down and I had to walk down 14 flights of steps. I shattered my kneecap last week. They turned the alarm off when I got to the first floor. FML

by stepknee / 10/13/2009 at 10:31pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, while walking in the mall, I spotted my ex boyfriend with his friends. To make myself look less lonely, I put my iPhone up to my ear and started an imaginary conversation with my invisible boyfriend. As I passed him, my phone started ringing loudly. It was him calling. He knew I was faking. FML

by Anonymous / 10/13/2009 at 9:34pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to my hairdresser who promised me a haircut which "all the girls would want you" for. She gave me a combover. FML

by Chensticles / 10/13/2009 at 9:25pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I got home and realized that I didn't have my keys and my mum had said she wasn't going to be home till the next morning. After a long wait I decided I'd have to break a window to get in. Almost immediately after closing the door I watched as my mum pulled up in the driveway. FML

by Anonymous / 10/13/2009 at 1:28pm / United Kingdom (Havering) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went to buy my prom dress. I felt really good as I walked out of the dressing room, until someone walked out of the room next to me wearing the same dress, and looked better in it than I did. It was a man buying it for his drag show. FML

by draggirl / 10/13/2009 at 1:26pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, as I was walking home, a friend passed me by on his moped, and sprayed a bunch of silly string at me. Unfortunately, he hit me in the eye, temporarily blinding me. As I stumbled around blind, I accidentally knocked a bunch of 3 year olds off their bikes, causing them to cry. FML

by sillystring / 10/13/2009 at 6:09am / China (Beijing) / Miscellaneous

Today, after I have spent $3,000 dollars in preparations to move in with my girlfriend of 2 and 1/2 years, she confesses she's a mental patient who stole someone elses identity. She was telling the truth. FML

by IMayBeAFool / 10/13/2009 at 2:38am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom put a candle on in the living room. She told the family "how much she loved it!" My mom then went on the tell us that my dad got it for her and it must have been some cheap candle. I bought the candle as a gift for her on her birthday. Thanks mom. FML

by Anonymous / 10/12/2009 at 11:12pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, the 86 year old guy next door told me I needed three things in life to succeed: a cook book, a boyfriend, and a boob job. FML

by Anonymous / 10/12/2009 at 4:57pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was carrying several bags of groceries up the stairs to my 3rd story apartment when I saw a giant rat climbing down the wall towards me. I screamed and dropped my groceries, which went over the rail and landed on the bottom floor, destroying them all. The rat? Just a big leaf. FML

by n_london / 10/12/2009 at 4:19pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, my "future" wife got drunk in front of my parents, who she was meeting for the first time. She called my dad a piece of shit and told my mom she wants to tear her own eyes out. FML

by shocked / 10/12/2009 at 10:52am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous