Today, while trying on a dress, my sister came up behind me and poked my back, asking, “What have you stuck down your dress?” I hadn’t put anything down the back of my dress; it was just my back fat. FML

by Anonymous / 10/23/2009 at 12:56am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I threw a paper ball into a recycling bin backwards. I don't know whats more sad: the fact that that was my highlight of my life, or I had been attempting to make that shot every day for 3 years. FML

by efmylife / 10/23/2009 at 12:47am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was sitting in my bed drinking Yoohoo from a juice box. I decided it would be fun to see how much I could fit in my mouth. As soon as my mouth was full, I sneezed. FML

by Anonymous / 10/22/2009 at 8:15pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took a smoke break at work and I noticed a huge zit on my face. I used the reflection from a window to take care of the problem and then realized that there was a staff meeting taking place on the other side. FML

by JC / 10/22/2009 at 7:05pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that sometimes I forget to turn off my desk light when I leave the room for dinner. I also learned that said desk light can get hot enough to melt plastic, which is why my brand-new laptop screen was literally oozing onto the table top when I got back. FML

by iplaytwister / 10/22/2009 at 5:00pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I told my dad that for Halloween I'm going to be an '80s workout Barbie. He just looks at me and says, "Yeah as the 'before' picture". FML

by freshman15 / 10/22/2009 at 2:47pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went to drop the garbage in the compactor as I left to do some shopping. I quickly put my handbag down on the side, threw the 'garbage' in the machine, watched it do its thing, and then turned round to find... the bag of garbage on the side. FML

by Typrokka / 10/22/2009 at 1:20pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Miscellaneous

Today, while sitting with my son, an ice cream cone landed on my head from out of no where. I look up to see three children on the balcony above us yelling, "Look we hit the fat lady!" They ran away laughing. FML

by mvgirl / 10/22/2009 at 11:47am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my mom is the nude model for an art class at my college. FML

by scarred / 10/22/2009 at 8:30am / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my grandfather's burial. As the family was about to leave, a great aunt came up to my skinny, tall and pretty cousin and told her, "Stay beautiful and kind." Then, she walked to me and said, "And you, Stay kind." FML

by kthx / 10/22/2009 at 8:26am / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that I lie to my friends online and go "offline" for hours at a time so it appears that I have a life outside of the internet. FML

by Kimberly / 10/22/2009 at 8:26am / Miscellaneous

Today, this guy who likes me accused me of cutting myself. I asked him what he was talking about, and he said, "Don't lie, I saw those scars on your thighs when we went swimming." I have stretch marks on my inner thighs, and now I have to explain them to him so he doesn't think I cut myself. FML

by tessykins / 10/22/2009 at 3:41am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was helping a friend redecorate. She had put up some shelving, that we presumed was stable. It broke, and all the expensive vases and collectables fell to the floor. On instinct, I leapt forward to catch the closest thing. It was not the expensive vase. It was a cactus. FML

by TheSublime / 10/21/2009 at 9:54am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous