Today, while I was showering, a dark object in the shower kept startling me. After about the fourth time jumping, I realized it was my shadow that was scaring me. I am actually literally afraid of my own shadow. FML

by Anonymous / 10/27/2009 at 12:22am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried to set up my brand new washer and dryer. How hard can it be, right? After cutting my hand in 3 places on the dryer vent, I finished it off with electrocuting myself. So much for being a domestic goddess. FML

by annie00016 / 10/26/2009 at 9:41pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, while filling out some medical forms, I was asked for an emergency contact. I realized I didn't have anyone who would actually care enough to be my contact. FML

by meagainsttheworld / 10/26/2009 at 5:43pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking when I heard a car horn honk. I looked up to see a hot guy giving me a thumbs up. As he got a better look at me, he made a disgusted face and flipped his hand so he was giving me a thumbs down. FML

by notsohot / 10/26/2009 at 4:02pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I failed an oral speech because "I didn't look up once." The problem was, every time I looked up, my teacher looked down. Every time I looked down, she looked up. FML

by oralMistake / 10/26/2009 at 2:46pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was eating, my younger sister came over and sat beside me. She started clipping her toenails. Disgusted by it, I turned and opened my mouth to tell her to move somewhere else, just as one flew inside my mouth. FML

by ohhhgross / 10/26/2009 at 2:32pm / Singapore / Miscellaneous

Today, I witnessed a homeless man fall off of his bike and land face first onto the pavement. Bleeding and shivering in the 40 degree weather, I gave him the coat off of my back. He got up like nothing happened and sprinted away with it. Oh yeah, my wallet was in the inside pocket. FML

by Anonymous / 10/26/2009 at 10:43am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents had a fight, which is a pretty normal occurrence at our house. But today, they fought over an orange. Dad is now sitting in his bedroom with the aforementioned orange. FML

by Roida / 10/26/2009 at 6:15am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I ran into a car. I suffered a concussion and broke my nose. I wasn't driving. I walked right into it. It was parked. FML

by munchkin / 10/26/2009 at 2:35am / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in minding my own business in bed in my dorm room. It was dark and my roommate came over, intending to slap my ass really hard. The problem is, I was lying face up. FML

by Jack / 10/26/2009 at 2:32am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, there was an earthquake. Good news: the only damage was a tree fell on some loser's car. Bad news: that loser was me. FML

by Jo / 10/25/2009 at 11:14pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I searched myself on Facebook. I have a fan page made by some girl in Wisconsin. She has pictures of me on it. Can you say stalker? FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2009 at 8:21pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was cooking. I leaned over the stove to preheat the oven, and burned my nipple on a pot of boiling water. I also have a teething son who is breastfeeding. FML

by roadbikemama / 10/25/2009 at 2:42pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous