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Today, I was a pregnant man for Halloween. Everyone at school thought it was funny, except my principal, who gave me a detention and said it was, "inappropriate and making a pregnant teacher feel uncomfortable". That pregnant teacher asked me to take a selfie with her. FML

#21289257
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34479) - you deserved it (2147)

On 10/31/2014 at 7:28pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, my best friend told me that she was a virgin again because she hadn't had sex in 6 months. She's 19 and actually believes it. FML

#21289249
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29250) - you deserved it (2299)

On 10/31/2014 at 7:10pm - misc - by AnonymousAmber - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went to a Halloween party dressed as a pirate. Someone complimented me on how convincing the fake teeth were that I had on for my costume. I wasn't wearing fake teeth. FML

#21289034
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28949) - you deserved it (5558)

On 10/31/2014 at 11:56am - misc - by iliveformystery (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I woke up really early to get ready for an interview. I guess it was too early because my mom thought someone broke into our house and now I have two bruised ribs. FML

#21288937
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28607) - you deserved it (2261)

On 10/31/2014 at 8:05am - misc - by nopethanks - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my friend thought she would "save me some time" by spoiling Game of Thrones. FML

#21288916
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28106) - you deserved it (3692)

On 10/31/2014 at 6:46am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, the fire alarm keeps going off at my apartment. Not only is the noise ear-piercingly loud enough to wake the entire neighbourhood, there's also a big flashing red light in case the deafening sound isn't enough. This is my day off. It's going on all day. FML

#21288915
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25818) - you deserved it (2118)

On 10/31/2014 at 6:42am - misc - by Shutup! - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my mom spelled my name with all lowercase letters. When I asked her why she wrote it like that, she got pissed and snapped back, "Capitals are for people who amount to something." FML

#21288559
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31046) - you deserved it (3203)

On 10/30/2014 at 6:05pm - misc - by wow (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that there's a very loud and frisky couple living above my bedroom, and a family with a crying baby living above my living room. At this rate, I'll end up sleeping in the bathtub in my own home. FML

#21288322
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29608) - you deserved it (2292)

On 10/30/2014 at 10:15am - misc - by ineedsleep (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, I got sick at school. When someone called my mom for permission for me to leave, she told them she doesn't have a daughter and to never call that number again. FML

Today, my dad vehemently refused to let me go on vacation to France with my best friend, because he watched Taken a few months ago and apparently forgot that it's just a movie. FML

#21287659
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31246) - you deserved it (3973)

On 10/29/2014 at 1:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I watched as the teenage neighbor girl tried to parallel-park between me and my wife's cars. She was doing pretty well until she backed into mine, got scared, hit the accelerator and ran into my wife's. FML

#21287621
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39187) - you deserved it (2857)

On 10/29/2014 at 11:24am - misc - by carless - United States

Today, my mom talked to me and my brother about how great it was that our cousin was getting away from drugs and becoming sober, as he would have so many more opportunities opened up for him now. She explained all this while sitting on our patio, smoking a blunt. FML

#21287196
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31011) - you deserved it (3306)

On 10/28/2014 at 7:54pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was getting a pedicure to cheer myself up. I've been so lonely, I got overly excited when someone sat next to me, because I got to pretend I had a friend. FML

#21286908
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31784) - you deserved it (3588)

On 10/28/2014 at 10:07am - misc - by bottombarrel - United States (Ohio)



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