Today, I got a question wrong on an exam. The question started with, "In your opinion..." FML

by anonymous / 07/06/2016 at 9:53am / United States (Mississippi) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was hanging out with a friend at an ice cream place, and a guy started chatting with us. As he eventually went to leave, he told me "That's a nice looking date you got there." Then he turned to my friend. "Wish I could say the same to you." FML

by rmonk / 07/06/2016 at 8:17am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was using the short urinal when I heard someone say, "Ahem!" in a loud voice. I looked back to see an angry little kid. He made me switch urinals so he could use the short one. I got urinal-evicted by a little boy. FML

by slingerslasher / 07/05/2016 at 3:09pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I didn't have the courage to tell the guy who likes me that I only thought of him as a friend, so I asked my best friend to do it for me. It turns out that her way of doing this is telling him to "fuck off" and then punching him in the face. FML

by ShouldHaveDoneItMyself / 07/05/2016 at 1:04pm / Sudan / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom continued her search for a special, super-healthy laundry detergent that she knows makes me break out in hives. FML

by benjamin03 / 07/05/2016 at 12:34pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my teacher marked a test question wrong, even though I was sure I got it right, so I went online to check. I found a government-approved website showing proof that my answer was correct. My teacher still counted it wrong, because, "we follow the book". That book's older than I am. FML

by Anonymous / 07/05/2016 at 12:19pm / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received an envelope with my name written in beautiful writing in my mailbox. I just moved in the day before and hadn't given the address to anyone or met my neighbors yet so I was a bit surprised by it, even more surprised to find nothing but a dick pic inside. FML

by ZeldaovaPeach / 07/05/2016 at 8:44am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went to grab a coffee at a new café in town. While sipping my coffee, I noticed a man staring at me through the window. I thought he was browsing the menu before I looked up mid-sip to him staring at me in the eye, sucking on his finger. FML

by Finn / 07/05/2016 at 2:49am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, I felt the tag of my shirt bunch up in my skirt. As I reached into my skirt to rearrange it, it started moving. It was a four-inch cockroach. FML

Today, my parents are forcing me to take my brother with me when I hang out with my friends. This wouldn't be that weird if my brother wasn't 26. FML

by swervelol / 07/04/2016 at 3:16pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my dad had a midlife crisis in the grocery store over his football career in high school. So he decided pelting me with vegetables and fruits would be a good idea. FML

by ugh / 07/04/2016 at 1:26pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, like every year, my next-door neighbors started setting off their fireworks at exactly midnight. Also, like every year, the sensitive car alarm belonging to another neighbor has gone off with every firework. It's been almost six hours of nonstop alarms and explosions. FML

by TooNoisy4Me / 07/04/2016 at 5:46am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out the German I've been learning for nearly a month is a dialect only spoken by people in a small area of the country. This means I'll need to re-learn most of what I thought I knew. FML

by Xerfox / 07/03/2016 at 2:05pm / Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg) / Miscellaneous