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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my wife and I drove two hours from our rural town to buy a new sofa. When we got home, it took us an hour to figure out there was no way to fit it through our door. We made the two hour drive back to return it, only to find the store was closed. FML

#21308507
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28416) - you deserved it (8855)

On 11/30/2014 at 1:09am - misc - by davy0540 - United States

Today, I bought a Santa hat. After wearing the hat for a few hours, I noticed a strange lump near the tip of it. I stuck my hand inside to dig out the mysterious object. It was a dead cockroach. FML

#21308445
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30078) - you deserved it (2974)

On 11/29/2014 at 11:44pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend went to work instead of going to my father's funeral. He works at home and chooses his own hours. FML

#21308437
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33916) - you deserved it (2841)

On 11/29/2014 at 11:29pm - misc - by .... - United States (Illinois)

Today, it's my birthday. My grandma posted about it on her Facebook wall, but people got confused and thought it was her birthday instead. She got twice as many birthday wishes as I did, and that's including the ones I got outside of Facebook. FML

#21308382
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28545) - you deserved it (2501)

On 11/29/2014 at 10:20pm - misc - by Drew (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my mom told me that her vagina is "as cute today as it was twenty years ago." FML

#21308358
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28955) - you deserved it (2643)

On 11/29/2014 at 9:06pm - misc - by justawallflower - United States (Ohio)

Today, while walking home with my mom, some unoriginal cockshart in a passing car yelled at me: "Fuck her in the pussy!" It was a long, awkward walk home after that. FML

#21308349
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28761) - you deserved it (2483)

On 11/29/2014 at 8:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to explain to a customer that 50% off a $50 item did not make the item free. FML

#21307823
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37327) - you deserved it (2313)

On 11/28/2014 at 10:36pm - misc - by idiots - United States (Texas)

Today, I'm staying with my grandma because my parents will be away this weekend. She forgot who I was, threw an iron at me, then kicked me out of her house. FML

#21307656
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32368) - you deserved it (2024)

On 11/28/2014 at 5:11pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, and for the past few days, there is a musical box stuck somewhere in my attic that randomly plays Christmas songs. FML

Today, my friend made a fake account on Facebook, pretending to be a girl, and posted my phone number on a sexting group. I've been getting calls and text messages from horny weirdos all day long. FML

#21307548
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32350) - you deserved it (3741)

On 11/28/2014 at 1:43pm - misc - by bullah007 (man) - Pakistan (Punjab)

Today, I was locked out of my house. As I was about to knock on the window to ask my girlfriend to let me in, I saw her on the sofa, digging a huge booger out of her nose and eating it. FML

#21307507
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32122) - you deserved it (3984)

On 11/28/2014 at 12:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, we spent the day with my grandmother. During a family conversation,, my sweet little grandmother looked me up and down, and without any hesitation said, "I remember you being so beautiful," before looking at my mother, mouthing, "What happened?" and laughing. She's 87. FML

#21307421
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29613) - you deserved it (2687)

On 11/28/2014 at 7:16am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, I finished watching an entire movie after boarding the plane, before the plane even took off. FML

#21307360
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34152) - you deserved it (2669)

On 11/28/2014 at 3:00am - misc - by stampslife - Canada (British Columbia)



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