Today, I complimented a guy on his Van Gogh costume. As it turns out, he had an infection in his ear. FML

by I'm an asshole / 11/03/2016 at 5:46pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, weeks after I paid extra for faster shipping, I received confirmation that my paperwork for overseas voting has been received. Too bad the deadline in my state was yesterday. Thanks, Postal Service, for the consistency of your failures. FML

by voicelesspeasant / 11/03/2016 at 4:41pm / Miscellaneous

Today, a friend pointed out to me that I bear a striking resemblance to Anne Frank. I'm a 16-year-old guy, and I'm inclined to agree with him. FML

by Noah / 11/02/2016 at 10:24am / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that even though I suffer from insomnia most days, I can sleep within 5 minutes of studying Solid Mechanics, especially when I have an end term the next day. FML

by EaglEye / 11/02/2016 at 4:29am / Miscellaneous

Today, I was feeling stressed about some upcoming exams, so I went on a nice relaxing nature walk through the nearby bushland. I slipped off a rock and landed in knee-deep mud that claimed my shoe when I pulled my leg free. I'm even more stressed now. FML

by fukinnature / 11/01/2016 at 3:27am / Miscellaneous

Today, my sister called my Native American friend a bigot for saying he had no problem with the name "Cleveland Indians". FML

by ok then / 10/31/2016 at 11:55am / Miscellaneous

Today, I was changing my tampon in a public bathroom. As I was about to put the tampon into the sanitary bin, I dropped it and it rolled under the stall next to mine. It was occupied. FML

by Sarah_Mow / 10/27/2016 at 10:31pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried to impress a group of friends by jumping a set of stairs on my skateboard. I didn't realize the ceiling dropped down towards the bottom of the stairs and knocked myself out. FML

by HeadStillHurts / 10/26/2016 at 7:43am / Miscellaneous

Today, my sister made a comment about my small boobs. I told her I'm actually a C cup, and she told me she "can't even C them". I just got roasted with a fucking pun. FML

by Myorafield / 10/26/2016 at 2:42am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents are forcing me to go to an insanely conservative, Christian private school. I'm gay. This is going to be a long year. FML

Today, our family reunion began with my sister calling my brother's current crazy girlfriend by his last crazy girlfriend's name and ended with my dad telling my adopted niece that he wanted a family picture without her in it, but she could be in the next one. FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2016 at 1:06am / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a citation from my landlord because my puppy couldn't make it to the grass and peed in the shrubs. Later in the evening, I got a citation that my music was too loud. Until I'd submitted my 30-day notice yesterday, no one ever had a problem with me FML

by anonymous / 10/25/2016 at 12:29am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I pissed my pants in fear for the first time. Was I at a spooky haunted house? Nope, I turned a corner and got startled by a parked car. FML

by JustWashedTheseJeans / 10/24/2016 at 9:05pm / Miscellaneous