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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my morbidly obese mother gave me an angry lecture at dinner, saying without any trace of irony that my vegetarian diet is "unhealthy and utterly unacceptable". FML

#21388006
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29920) - you deserved it (3300)

On 04/05/2015 at 11:38am - misc - by tardspawn (man) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, my mom called 5 times and I didn't pick up due to being in class at college. I was later called to the front desk, where my mom was crying. She said she was worried about me because I didn't say "I love you" to her after she dropped me off at college. FML

#21387594
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31614) - you deserved it (3617)

On 04/04/2015 at 3:32pm - misc - by gooddaydude (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my boyfriend made me breakfast because I had a cold. Because my nose was so stuffed, I couldn't tell that our milk had gone bad. I had two cups. And now I'm stuck on the toilet. FML

#21387562
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28787) - you deserved it (2914)

On 04/04/2015 at 2:23pm - misc - by n - United States

Today, while at the zoo with my boyfriend, he pointed at the howling gorillas and shouted over to me: "Hah! That's what you sound like in bed!" FML

#21387442
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28276) - you deserved it (3649)

On 04/04/2015 at 8:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I visited my girlfriend's apartment for the first time. I guess she forgot to do some spring cleaning before I showed up, because I saw my laptop on her couch. The same laptop that was stolen from my house along with several other valuables last week. FML

#21387302
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34607) - you deserved it (2344)

On 04/04/2015 at 12:04am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I found out I wasn't invited to the annual family reunion. The reason? Everyone thinks I'm "creepy" because I'm the only adult who will go out and play with the kids. FML

#21387157
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28998) - you deserved it (2117)

On 04/03/2015 at 7:00pm - misc - by big_bail (man) - United States (California)

Today, I used an air freshener in my room to make it smell good. At first, the smell was pretty pleasant. However, by the time it'd "soaked in" it smelled just like weed. My whole room stinks of it, and now my mum is convinced I've been smoking pot in my room. FML

#21387075
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24762) - you deserved it (3290)

On 04/03/2015 at 3:05pm - misc - by HtotheFtotheS - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, I explained to my sister that the reason she isn't getting job offers is probably because her résumé is in Comic Sans and contains TXT language and a lot of typos. She thanked me for my help by calling me a "clueless horse-fucker" and telling me to shut my mouth. FML

#21387066
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26976) - you deserved it (2009)

On 04/03/2015 at 2:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I finally had nice enough weather to dry my clothes on the washing line. Two hours later, all my clothes were stolen. FML

#21386898
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28425) - you deserved it (3333)

On 04/03/2015 at 6:44am - misc - by clothesthief - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I picked up a rock outside and put it in my pocket because it looked cool. A teacher holding the door open stopped me and sent me to the principal. I was confused and asked the teacher why the strict action. She replied that someone has been putting rocks in the toilet. I got a detention. FML

#21386851
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28368) - you deserved it (2510)

On 04/03/2015 at 2:08am - misc - by overreacting - United States (Missouri)

Today, I wore a new shirt, but forgot to remove the price tag. It was kind of windy outside, so when I got outside, the tag hit me on the neck, I thought it was a giant insect attacking my neck. I started screaming like a little girl. I'm a 30 year old guy. FML

#21386588
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24421) - you deserved it (7400)

On 04/02/2015 at 3:58pm - misc - by Jordan (man) - Jordan (Al Balqa')

Today, I had to give a presentation at school about King Richard III. I realized too late that someone had changed his name to "King Dick" on all the slides. My little sister later broke into hysterics and confessed this had been her April Fool's prank. FML

#21386448
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27655) - you deserved it (2487)

On 04/02/2015 at 10:21am - misc - by King.Dick. (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was shopping with my boyfriend when we came across the most beautiful piece of Japanese furniture. When I inspected it closely, my boyfriend started laughing. Turns out I was making the same noise I make when I orgasm in reaction to a piece of furniture. FML

#21386402
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25273) - you deserved it (4140)

On 04/02/2015 at 8:20am - misc - by Repethetic (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)



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