Today, after a fight, I caught my sister rubbing my toothbrush on the inside of our grimy toilet. This is why I have trust issues. FML

by Anonymous / 04/20/2016 at 10:34am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked a short girl to prom by making a "You must be this tall to say no" sign. She grabbed a chair, stood on it, and then said no. FML

by anonymous / 04/19/2016 at 11:09pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I invited my sister to my wedding. She is not coming, because I didn't reply to her email three years ago. The one she sent to my whole family, saying that I was a dangerous psychopath. FML

by Coco / 04/19/2016 at 4:58pm / Denmark (Nordjylland) / Miscellaneous

Today, as usual, I went to pick up my brother and sister from school in the rain. When we got to my truck, I realized I had locked us out. We had to walk home in the rain, only to find the spare house key had not been put back in its spot since the last time it was used. FML

by Gimmie a spare / 04/19/2016 at 4:45pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I let my little sister play a game using my Facebook account. She then accepted all of the people that had sent me a friend request. Among them included my boyfriend's crazy ex, and 3 people I've never met. Now I'm getting strange messages from all of them. FML

by KaityK / 04/19/2016 at 3:15pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, on the bus, my friends and I gorged ourselves on a ton of candy. When it was my stop, I began to walk to the front of the bus. Upon getting off the bus, I tried to thank the driver with a mouth full of candy. It sounded like I said "Fuck you". FML

by ScratchCatPower / 04/19/2016 at 3:04pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was at a party. A guy kept looking at me, so I tried to strike up a conversation with him. I realized he was drunk when he slurred, "Ya know, you're the only girl I've met that's fat AND flat chested!" There goes my self-esteem. FML

by Anonymous / 04/19/2016 at 11:59am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, my roommates had a party while I stayed in my room, and that was fine by me. What was not fine was when a stranger broke into my room, asked to lay next to me, and then just went ahead and did it. FML

by sociallyanxiousroomie / 04/19/2016 at 6:22am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a ticket for being drunk in public. I was walking a couple blocks from the bar to my house, because I didn't want to drive drunk. FML

by Anonymous / 04/18/2016 at 10:43pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents said they know I don't do drugs or drink because I have no friends to do drugs or drink with. They are right. FML

by Me myself & I / 04/18/2016 at 9:09pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, while making small talk with a veteran, I made the mistake of using the phrase "Cost an arm and a leg". He was a double amputee. FML

by Notpunny / 04/18/2016 at 6:58pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I performed a piano piece at a school play. Everything went well until I got up and accidentally smashed my shin against one of the piano legs. Before I could bite my tongue, I'd already yelled "Fucking hell!" in front of about 50 second graders. FML

by Anonymous / 04/18/2016 at 3:28pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was eating an onion bagel and bit down on something hard. At first I thought was a really hard piece of onion. The "onion" turned out to be a tooth, and it wasn't one of mine. FML

by empress gleskizor the third of glarkon / 04/18/2016 at 2:12pm / Hungary (Budapest) / Miscellaneous